war within me
well, i am kinda sad and just bland tonight. Which really just sucks cause its thanksgiving until 4 minutes. I dont know..i am just really being convicted about my life right now. I really havent been spending anytime with God lately, nor reading the bible. like, i feel like such a hypocrite. I love God...but i just feel so distant from him right now, and i know its my fault. I am so exhausted..about everything. no strength at the moment, i mean, what is happening to me? maybe its just a bad night..
but i mean, will i ever get out of this routine of feeling distant and not spending time with God? is a Christian life supposed to look like that? and if not, will i spend the rest of my life trying to fight that battle, or can i just be a christian and be who i am supposed to be. I am so tired of the war within me, but i guess its what i get for being flesh against the spirit.
And also, it is extrememly hard to not think about a husband or boyfriend..like really hard. I think about it almost everyday. I am supposed to be committing 6 months as of oct. 1st..ive done pretty well, but i certainly dont feel any different. Right now, i just feel lonely...and very lazy. I think it being the holidays now, that doesnt help.
Now im starting to think about where i was last year..with jonathan and with his family..
yeah, really hard. i wish i was over the stupid guy..like for real. we broke up in april of this past year. and im still broken, broken into a million peices. i hate being around him...:(
im so tired of myself, and its laziness. i want to be a christian and stand out and seek Him. but wanting just isnt enough anymore, what is it REALLY going to take for me to break lose of this war i keep battleing in myself...
but i mean, will i ever get out of this routine of feeling distant and not spending time with God? is a Christian life supposed to look like that? and if not, will i spend the rest of my life trying to fight that battle, or can i just be a christian and be who i am supposed to be. I am so tired of the war within me, but i guess its what i get for being flesh against the spirit.
And also, it is extrememly hard to not think about a husband or boyfriend..like really hard. I think about it almost everyday. I am supposed to be committing 6 months as of oct. 1st..ive done pretty well, but i certainly dont feel any different. Right now, i just feel lonely...and very lazy. I think it being the holidays now, that doesnt help.
Now im starting to think about where i was last year..with jonathan and with his family..
yeah, really hard. i wish i was over the stupid guy..like for real. we broke up in april of this past year. and im still broken, broken into a million peices. i hate being around him...:(
im so tired of myself, and its laziness. i want to be a christian and stand out and seek Him. but wanting just isnt enough anymore, what is it REALLY going to take for me to break lose of this war i keep battleing in myself...