It seems this is the only safe place for me
Only recently did I think things were going great.
And only recently did I screw things up again.
I don’t get why I can’t do anything right.
Why I don’t learn from my mistakes.
I also don’t get why I’m not worth the truth.
Why certain people can’t just tell me how they really feel or what they really think.
They play these mind games with me that screw me up so bad, but they have no idea.
And I’m so paranoid…
And I’m so sad…
And I’m so pathetic… to fall for such bullshit that people tell me, when I know very well it’s not what they really mean.
They just know I’m this little puppy dog that will sit at their feet and do anything they ask or say if they mention just one right thing to me to make me feel good about myself, even if only for a moment.
The truth may not be what I want to hear, but it’s better than being lied to and finding things out on my own.
I didn’t know one day could fuck me up so badly for so long.
That one day was such crap.
Being yelled at, hearing news I didn’t want to, then just having the feeling of being unwanted and replaced.
People really do know how to get the best and worst of me without even knowing it.
As I sit here and type this I’m staring at one of my favorite pictures of me and a friend.
A time when I thought things couldn’t get better.
They weren’t that great at all, actually, but they were satisfactory.
I was capable of going on.
But now, I’m so uncertain about everything.
One day I’m completely over the moon by how things are going.
Things are said and done that I never thought would be.
But the very next day (literally) things completely turn to shit.
My worst nightmares come to life.
I have to stick with thinking the worst.
That way I won’t be disappointed when things go wrong, but I’ll be happy and surprised when things go the way I want them to.
To anybody who reads this, can you tell me one thing?
How do you make yourself hate the one thing you love, so you can get over it and move on?
And only recently did I screw things up again.
I don’t get why I can’t do anything right.
Why I don’t learn from my mistakes.
I also don’t get why I’m not worth the truth.
Why certain people can’t just tell me how they really feel or what they really think.
They play these mind games with me that screw me up so bad, but they have no idea.
And I’m so paranoid…
And I’m so sad…
And I’m so pathetic… to fall for such bullshit that people tell me, when I know very well it’s not what they really mean.
They just know I’m this little puppy dog that will sit at their feet and do anything they ask or say if they mention just one right thing to me to make me feel good about myself, even if only for a moment.
The truth may not be what I want to hear, but it’s better than being lied to and finding things out on my own.
I didn’t know one day could fuck me up so badly for so long.
That one day was such crap.
Being yelled at, hearing news I didn’t want to, then just having the feeling of being unwanted and replaced.
People really do know how to get the best and worst of me without even knowing it.
As I sit here and type this I’m staring at one of my favorite pictures of me and a friend.
A time when I thought things couldn’t get better.
They weren’t that great at all, actually, but they were satisfactory.
I was capable of going on.
But now, I’m so uncertain about everything.
One day I’m completely over the moon by how things are going.
Things are said and done that I never thought would be.
But the very next day (literally) things completely turn to shit.
My worst nightmares come to life.
I have to stick with thinking the worst.
That way I won’t be disappointed when things go wrong, but I’ll be happy and surprised when things go the way I want them to.
To anybody who reads this, can you tell me one thing?
How do you make yourself hate the one thing you love, so you can get over it and move on?