Remembrance - memoir [entry two]
Title: Remembrance
Author: imaginarybulb
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Donghae, Kyuhyun/ZhouMi, Kyuhyun/Sungmin (yes, Kyuhyun is loved by three men >.<), Chaerin/Hyukjae, more pairings will be revealed in upcoming chapters
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Summary:
I love you,
Even if the world is shaking,
Even if the sky is falling,
Even if the ground is breaking,
Even if I was left alone,
Even if you leave,
Even if he’s there,
Even if that beautiful smile isn’t mine anymore
~memoir~ (entry two) | somebody always got hurt (-but darling it won’t be us no no no)
“Whatever happens, I want you to trust me, okay?”
“And for the umpteenth time, yes, Zhou Mi,” Kuixian huffed as he rolled his eyes and a small smile tugged on Zhou Mi’s lips. He lightly caressed the younger brunette’s hair, a look of love in his gaze, mine.
“So, when can I meet your friends?”
Zhou Mi snapped from his trance, “Oh, um, they’re waiting at the café. They’re a bit weird and loud but they’re kind people.”
Kuixian nodded, “I know, you said that before.”
“And if they ask you anything about the accident, just tell them what I’ve told you, okay? Don’t bother forcing your head remembering the other details. If you don’t know, just say-”
“I don’t know, yeah, I got it,” a mild annoyance flickered across Kuixian’s face, he hates it when people keep repeating the same thing over and over again. But the love in Zhou Mi’s gaze never falters and he cupped Kuixian’s face in his hand.
“Thank you, Kuixian.”
“For what?”
“For coming back to me.”
Kuixian stared at him for a moment, his heart tugged suddenly at the words that he jumped at his seat, his hand instinctively clutching his chest. “Are you okay?” Zhou Mi asked in panic, which the younger one brushed off with a nod.
“Yeah,” he sighed, “I guess I’m just nervous.” He collected himself to send Zhou Mi a scrutinizing look, “I don’t know how I did it in the past, but I really need to get use with your cheesiness.”
Zhou Mi’s grin was as bright as the sun.
--
“Oppa!!”
Chaerin yelled out as her fists banged on the solid door in front of her, “Please open the door!!” Tears are rolling down her cheeks and fear started to consume her at the thought of not being able to escape and save the person she loves.
“Oppa, please!!” she begged, “Don’t do this, please!! I’m begging you, please let me out! Please, oppa!!”
“Even if I let you out, what can you do?”
She whipped her head towards the voice as her surroundings changed. Her dimly lit room turned into a never-ending dark space. Her wide with tears orbs met with the other male’s relaxed figure. He was dressed in black, standing all high and mighty, looking down at her with cold eyes, naturally pouty lips stretched into a cruel smirk and she felt weak on her knees.
“You can do nothing, Chaerin-ah. No matter how much you tried, you can’t change what had happened,” the male said, voice as cold as ice and it stabbed her heart. Chaerin cried as she pushed herself up, stumbling towards the older one, “O-Oppa… Please don’t do this…”
“Don’t do what, Chaerin-ah?” his voice is soft but it still cuts, “I didn’t do anything.”
In a second the older one changed into someone else. Someone she knows and she froze in her spot, her eyes widened in both surprise and fear, “O-Oppa…”
“You did this to me,” the new male said, chocolate brown eyes filled with hatred.
“K-Kyuhyun oppa….” She stuttered, “I-I didn’t-”
“It’s all your fault!!” Kyuhyun cried out, tears gushed out from his eyes, “You killed me!!”
Chaerin shook her head vigorously, “I-I’m sorry, oppa-I-I’m sorry-”
Suddenly, Kyuhyun groaned in pain, his fingers clutching his chest as he fell on his knees. Chaerin panicked and was about to go to the older one, to help him when Kyuhyun suddenly changed into Donghae. The older one was wearing the same look as Kyuhyun, cold eyes filled with hatred, cheeks stained with tears.
“It’s all your fault,” at this, Chaerin fell on her knees when she felt like she couldn’t handle the same words being repeated to her anymore. It’s like someone just stabs her from behind and everything is just so mentally painful.
“You killed him. You take away my angel,” Donghae spat out, “I hate you. Don’t you ever show your face in front of me again.”
Chaerin gasped loudly as she woke up from her nightmare with a start. Her eyes were wide and wild as she breathes heavily through her mouth, as if she’s lacking of oxygen from being drown underwater. Hyukjae quickly sat beside her, the tray of breakfast placed hastily on the bedside table and he grabbed her on her shoulders, “Chaerin! Chaerin!”
Chaerin’s breath slowed down, but her body was still shaking greatly that Hyukjae worried if she had a minor seizure. It had happened so many times before and each time still scars his heart as deep.
“Chaerin,” he tried again, rubbing the younger one’s back in comforting manner until her breath rate turned regular and her body stopped trembling. Soft sobs were heard later and Hyukjae said nothing as he pulled her into his arms.
“It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare.”
--
Donghae was running.
His breath comes in shallow pants, his chest constricted from the lack of oxygen and his feet were in mind-numbing pain, but he didn’t stop.
He couldn’t stop.
He was running through a very dark forest, trees branches cruelly cuts his skin, littering his body with bloodied cuts and wounds. But he’s still running; not away from someone, but towards someone.
He was searching for someone, but he’s mind is still blurry that he didn’t know who is the one he’s searching for. But that doesn’t mean he should stop, that he should give up, because this someone…is his everything.
“Hyung…”
With that soft, familiar, velvety voice, Donghae stopped. He whipped his head around, wild and wide eyes looking for the owner of the voice. It was strange; he had been running, but his heart beats in normal pace. He pressed his palm over his chest, feeling the calm heartbeat of his (of that person too).
He looked up when he heard a soft tinkling - a laugh. A beautiful male appeared from behind the tree, a small smirk on his pale white face. Donghae found himself entranced by the ethereal beauty of the other male and he blankly walked towards the male when he beckoned him to come over.
“Hyung…” the male said, voice soft; just like how Donghae always remembers him. He went closer to him, closer, closer, and closer when he suddenly disappeared.
Donghae felt a moment of panic and he looked around him frantically, but was stopped when he saw the male behind him, the same smirk tugged on his bow-shaped lips and amusement tinkled in his chocolate brown orbs.
“Hyung…. Are you looking for me?” he asked as he tilted his head to the side childishly and Donghae found himself nodding dumbly.
He giggled, not the kind of cute and soft giggles, but the sharp and cruel ones. But Donghae didn’t care, as long as he’s here, in front of him, it’s okay. He took shaky steps towards the younger male, his trembling hand trying to reach for him, to touch him, to hold him.
And again, Donghae was stopped but this time, the younger one locked his gaze with his and he shivered at the cold look in the male he loves’ eyes. The smirk fell when the cold words fell from his beautiful lips, “You’ll never catch me, hyung.”
And in a split second, everything around him disappeared and Donghae was thrown into a deep abyss of despair,
“KYUHYUN!!”
Donghae gasped as he jumped from his sleep, his breath comes in pants and his forehead and body dribbled with cold sweats. He looked around him, and lets out a quivering sigh of relieved when he realized he was in his living room. He took a glance to his clock, 2.34 AM and sighed for the second time before getting off his couch. He stumbled through the messy living room, kicking away cans of beers everywhere as he made to the kitchen.
“Hyung…. Are you looking for me?”
Donghae gritted his teeth, hands fumbling in the fridge, looking for more alcohol. Anything to drown that beautifully haunting voice.
“You’ll never catch me, hyung.”
Donghae’s hand clutched around the cold ice and his ears were filled with familiar laughter and glass shattering.
--
“So, how old are you again?”
“I’m 22,” Kuixian answered after a sip of coffee made by one of Zhou Mi’s friends, Hangeng. They were meeting at a very nice, small café down the street and so far, he finds Victoria, Henry and Hangeng pleasant to be around.
Victoria sighed with a pout, “You’re a year younger…”
Kuixian laughed softly at her disappointed tone while Henry nudged her, “I’m younger than you but you didn’t complain.”
“That’s because you looked like a pre-school,” Victoria retorted before looking at Kuixian with narrowed eyes, “You’re not going to call me jiejie right? I didn’t let Henry do it either.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t if you don’t want me to,” Kuixian assured her.
“Okay, enough of introduction. You guys can get to know each other while working together later,” Zhou Mi interrupted cheerily.
“Working?”
The older one grinned toothily at Kuixian’s baffled look, “Do you like this place?”
Kuixian blinked, that was sudden, “Umm… Yeah, it’s very comforting.”
“This is where we’re going to work,” Zhou Mi explained, “I planned to open up a café-you know, just to start anew. What do you think about it?”
Kuixian looked around him before looking at Zhou Mi. This is his family now. This is where he’s going to live and grow old at. These are the people who are going to be by his side from now on.
He smiled, “It’s wonderful.”
--
“Are you sure about this?”
Chaerin nodded softly at Heechul’s question, eyes downcast as she’s too afraid to look into Heechul’s sad orbs. Though she’s not looking directly at her older brother, from his voice, she knew the older one must be shocked and saddened by her decision.
“I get that you wanted to…clear you mind,” Heechul said, a hint of plead in his voice, “But China? That’s too far.”
Chaerin exhaled softly and she relaxed when Hyukjae silently grabbed her hand, squeezing it tenderly in assurance. She exchanged small smiles with him before averting her eyes to Heechul, “Oppa,” she started, “I’m going to China, not just because I want to clear my mind. But…”
Her words trailed off as she couldn’t finish the sentence without tears pooling in her eyes. Understanding dawn on Heechul and he looked down, “It’s because of Donghae.”
Chaerin bit her lips at Heechul’s words, trying to hold the tears from falling, “I…He hates me now, oppa.”
“Then, you’re going to run away!?” Heechul asked exasperatedly.
She shook her head in denial, “I’m not running away. Things…are not good between me and Donghae oppa. I can’t handle seeing him only to hear him saying that he hates me and don’t want to see me anymore.” Her lips trembled and she gripped Hyukjae’s hand tighter as she wiped the tears that managed to spill from her eyes.
“But if you need to try and fix this up. If-If you leave then…”
“I know that, but…” she let out a shaky sigh, “It’s a win-win situation. Right now, the last thing I need is Donghae oppa saying he hates me and the last thing Donghae oppa needs is…”
She locked her teary eyes with Heechul’s sympathetic orbs, “…running into someone who caused Kyuhyun oppa’s death.”
Heechul said nothing and let out a sigh as he sat down, his leather chair squeaking from the hard impact. He pinched the bridge of his nose, “You just got married three months ago, Chaerin. You got married when you’re twenty-one and may I remind you two got married without my knowledge?”
“You know how disappointed I was? Having you two got married behind my back, only to find out two weeks later? And now suddenly you want to leave to another country-I thought you see me as your own brother?” Heechul’s tone was desperate and his eyes were pleading and Chaerin’s insides churned heavily.
“I’m sorry,” that’s the only thing she could ever say.
--
Donghae threw his phone away after cancelling all his meetings for the day with his secretary. He slouched on the couch, lighting up the last cigarette from his fifth box of the day, inhaling the smoke so deep, wishing he can suffocate to death.
But he didn’t die. Not that easily. Or else it won’t be fun for God because there won’t be any life for Him to mess with. Donghae snorted at the thought, he’ll go to hell for patronizing but he’s already in hell so what’s the difference? Blazing fire and endless tortures are nothing compared to the despair he drowned in.
He stuck the cancer stick between his lips as he grabbed the remote and pressed play. He laid back when the video started to play and the image of his beloved nightmare popped on the screen-all smiley face and toothy grin and Donghae thinks he’s so beautiful that it sickened him.
“Hello~! This is Cho Kyuhyun’s Video-Diary!”
Donghae grabbed the bottle of vodka and downed in a gulp.
Time to kill himself.
Author: imaginarybulb
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Donghae, Kyuhyun/ZhouMi, Kyuhyun/Sungmin (yes, Kyuhyun is loved by three men >.<), Chaerin/Hyukjae, more pairings will be revealed in upcoming chapters
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Summary:
I love you,
Even if the world is shaking,
Even if the sky is falling,
Even if the ground is breaking,
Even if I was left alone,
Even if you leave,
Even if he’s there,
Even if that beautiful smile isn’t mine anymore
~memoir~ (entry two) | somebody always got hurt (-but darling it won’t be us no no no)
“Whatever happens, I want you to trust me, okay?”
“And for the umpteenth time, yes, Zhou Mi,” Kuixian huffed as he rolled his eyes and a small smile tugged on Zhou Mi’s lips. He lightly caressed the younger brunette’s hair, a look of love in his gaze, mine.
“So, when can I meet your friends?”
Zhou Mi snapped from his trance, “Oh, um, they’re waiting at the café. They’re a bit weird and loud but they’re kind people.”
Kuixian nodded, “I know, you said that before.”
“And if they ask you anything about the accident, just tell them what I’ve told you, okay? Don’t bother forcing your head remembering the other details. If you don’t know, just say-”
“I don’t know, yeah, I got it,” a mild annoyance flickered across Kuixian’s face, he hates it when people keep repeating the same thing over and over again. But the love in Zhou Mi’s gaze never falters and he cupped Kuixian’s face in his hand.
“Thank you, Kuixian.”
“For what?”
“For coming back to me.”
Kuixian stared at him for a moment, his heart tugged suddenly at the words that he jumped at his seat, his hand instinctively clutching his chest. “Are you okay?” Zhou Mi asked in panic, which the younger one brushed off with a nod.
“Yeah,” he sighed, “I guess I’m just nervous.” He collected himself to send Zhou Mi a scrutinizing look, “I don’t know how I did it in the past, but I really need to get use with your cheesiness.”
Zhou Mi’s grin was as bright as the sun.
--
“Oppa!!”
Chaerin yelled out as her fists banged on the solid door in front of her, “Please open the door!!” Tears are rolling down her cheeks and fear started to consume her at the thought of not being able to escape and save the person she loves.
“Oppa, please!!” she begged, “Don’t do this, please!! I’m begging you, please let me out! Please, oppa!!”
“Even if I let you out, what can you do?”
She whipped her head towards the voice as her surroundings changed. Her dimly lit room turned into a never-ending dark space. Her wide with tears orbs met with the other male’s relaxed figure. He was dressed in black, standing all high and mighty, looking down at her with cold eyes, naturally pouty lips stretched into a cruel smirk and she felt weak on her knees.
“You can do nothing, Chaerin-ah. No matter how much you tried, you can’t change what had happened,” the male said, voice as cold as ice and it stabbed her heart. Chaerin cried as she pushed herself up, stumbling towards the older one, “O-Oppa… Please don’t do this…”
“Don’t do what, Chaerin-ah?” his voice is soft but it still cuts, “I didn’t do anything.”
In a second the older one changed into someone else. Someone she knows and she froze in her spot, her eyes widened in both surprise and fear, “O-Oppa…”
“You did this to me,” the new male said, chocolate brown eyes filled with hatred.
“K-Kyuhyun oppa….” She stuttered, “I-I didn’t-”
“It’s all your fault!!” Kyuhyun cried out, tears gushed out from his eyes, “You killed me!!”
Chaerin shook her head vigorously, “I-I’m sorry, oppa-I-I’m sorry-”
Suddenly, Kyuhyun groaned in pain, his fingers clutching his chest as he fell on his knees. Chaerin panicked and was about to go to the older one, to help him when Kyuhyun suddenly changed into Donghae. The older one was wearing the same look as Kyuhyun, cold eyes filled with hatred, cheeks stained with tears.
“It’s all your fault,” at this, Chaerin fell on her knees when she felt like she couldn’t handle the same words being repeated to her anymore. It’s like someone just stabs her from behind and everything is just so mentally painful.
“You killed him. You take away my angel,” Donghae spat out, “I hate you. Don’t you ever show your face in front of me again.”
Chaerin gasped loudly as she woke up from her nightmare with a start. Her eyes were wide and wild as she breathes heavily through her mouth, as if she’s lacking of oxygen from being drown underwater. Hyukjae quickly sat beside her, the tray of breakfast placed hastily on the bedside table and he grabbed her on her shoulders, “Chaerin! Chaerin!”
Chaerin’s breath slowed down, but her body was still shaking greatly that Hyukjae worried if she had a minor seizure. It had happened so many times before and each time still scars his heart as deep.
“Chaerin,” he tried again, rubbing the younger one’s back in comforting manner until her breath rate turned regular and her body stopped trembling. Soft sobs were heard later and Hyukjae said nothing as he pulled her into his arms.
“It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare.”
--
Donghae was running.
His breath comes in shallow pants, his chest constricted from the lack of oxygen and his feet were in mind-numbing pain, but he didn’t stop.
He couldn’t stop.
He was running through a very dark forest, trees branches cruelly cuts his skin, littering his body with bloodied cuts and wounds. But he’s still running; not away from someone, but towards someone.
He was searching for someone, but he’s mind is still blurry that he didn’t know who is the one he’s searching for. But that doesn’t mean he should stop, that he should give up, because this someone…is his everything.
“Hyung…”
With that soft, familiar, velvety voice, Donghae stopped. He whipped his head around, wild and wide eyes looking for the owner of the voice. It was strange; he had been running, but his heart beats in normal pace. He pressed his palm over his chest, feeling the calm heartbeat of his (of that person too).
He looked up when he heard a soft tinkling - a laugh. A beautiful male appeared from behind the tree, a small smirk on his pale white face. Donghae found himself entranced by the ethereal beauty of the other male and he blankly walked towards the male when he beckoned him to come over.
“Hyung…” the male said, voice soft; just like how Donghae always remembers him. He went closer to him, closer, closer, and closer when he suddenly disappeared.
Donghae felt a moment of panic and he looked around him frantically, but was stopped when he saw the male behind him, the same smirk tugged on his bow-shaped lips and amusement tinkled in his chocolate brown orbs.
“Hyung…. Are you looking for me?” he asked as he tilted his head to the side childishly and Donghae found himself nodding dumbly.
He giggled, not the kind of cute and soft giggles, but the sharp and cruel ones. But Donghae didn’t care, as long as he’s here, in front of him, it’s okay. He took shaky steps towards the younger male, his trembling hand trying to reach for him, to touch him, to hold him.
And again, Donghae was stopped but this time, the younger one locked his gaze with his and he shivered at the cold look in the male he loves’ eyes. The smirk fell when the cold words fell from his beautiful lips, “You’ll never catch me, hyung.”
And in a split second, everything around him disappeared and Donghae was thrown into a deep abyss of despair,
“KYUHYUN!!”
Donghae gasped as he jumped from his sleep, his breath comes in pants and his forehead and body dribbled with cold sweats. He looked around him, and lets out a quivering sigh of relieved when he realized he was in his living room. He took a glance to his clock, 2.34 AM and sighed for the second time before getting off his couch. He stumbled through the messy living room, kicking away cans of beers everywhere as he made to the kitchen.
“Hyung…. Are you looking for me?”
Donghae gritted his teeth, hands fumbling in the fridge, looking for more alcohol. Anything to drown that beautifully haunting voice.
“You’ll never catch me, hyung.”
Donghae’s hand clutched around the cold ice and his ears were filled with familiar laughter and glass shattering.
--
“So, how old are you again?”
“I’m 22,” Kuixian answered after a sip of coffee made by one of Zhou Mi’s friends, Hangeng. They were meeting at a very nice, small café down the street and so far, he finds Victoria, Henry and Hangeng pleasant to be around.
Victoria sighed with a pout, “You’re a year younger…”
Kuixian laughed softly at her disappointed tone while Henry nudged her, “I’m younger than you but you didn’t complain.”
“That’s because you looked like a pre-school,” Victoria retorted before looking at Kuixian with narrowed eyes, “You’re not going to call me jiejie right? I didn’t let Henry do it either.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t if you don’t want me to,” Kuixian assured her.
“Okay, enough of introduction. You guys can get to know each other while working together later,” Zhou Mi interrupted cheerily.
“Working?”
The older one grinned toothily at Kuixian’s baffled look, “Do you like this place?”
Kuixian blinked, that was sudden, “Umm… Yeah, it’s very comforting.”
“This is where we’re going to work,” Zhou Mi explained, “I planned to open up a café-you know, just to start anew. What do you think about it?”
Kuixian looked around him before looking at Zhou Mi. This is his family now. This is where he’s going to live and grow old at. These are the people who are going to be by his side from now on.
He smiled, “It’s wonderful.”
--
“Are you sure about this?”
Chaerin nodded softly at Heechul’s question, eyes downcast as she’s too afraid to look into Heechul’s sad orbs. Though she’s not looking directly at her older brother, from his voice, she knew the older one must be shocked and saddened by her decision.
“I get that you wanted to…clear you mind,” Heechul said, a hint of plead in his voice, “But China? That’s too far.”
Chaerin exhaled softly and she relaxed when Hyukjae silently grabbed her hand, squeezing it tenderly in assurance. She exchanged small smiles with him before averting her eyes to Heechul, “Oppa,” she started, “I’m going to China, not just because I want to clear my mind. But…”
Her words trailed off as she couldn’t finish the sentence without tears pooling in her eyes. Understanding dawn on Heechul and he looked down, “It’s because of Donghae.”
Chaerin bit her lips at Heechul’s words, trying to hold the tears from falling, “I…He hates me now, oppa.”
“Then, you’re going to run away!?” Heechul asked exasperatedly.
She shook her head in denial, “I’m not running away. Things…are not good between me and Donghae oppa. I can’t handle seeing him only to hear him saying that he hates me and don’t want to see me anymore.” Her lips trembled and she gripped Hyukjae’s hand tighter as she wiped the tears that managed to spill from her eyes.
“But if you need to try and fix this up. If-If you leave then…”
“I know that, but…” she let out a shaky sigh, “It’s a win-win situation. Right now, the last thing I need is Donghae oppa saying he hates me and the last thing Donghae oppa needs is…”
She locked her teary eyes with Heechul’s sympathetic orbs, “…running into someone who caused Kyuhyun oppa’s death.”
Heechul said nothing and let out a sigh as he sat down, his leather chair squeaking from the hard impact. He pinched the bridge of his nose, “You just got married three months ago, Chaerin. You got married when you’re twenty-one and may I remind you two got married without my knowledge?”
“You know how disappointed I was? Having you two got married behind my back, only to find out two weeks later? And now suddenly you want to leave to another country-I thought you see me as your own brother?” Heechul’s tone was desperate and his eyes were pleading and Chaerin’s insides churned heavily.
“I’m sorry,” that’s the only thing she could ever say.
--
Donghae threw his phone away after cancelling all his meetings for the day with his secretary. He slouched on the couch, lighting up the last cigarette from his fifth box of the day, inhaling the smoke so deep, wishing he can suffocate to death.
But he didn’t die. Not that easily. Or else it won’t be fun for God because there won’t be any life for Him to mess with. Donghae snorted at the thought, he’ll go to hell for patronizing but he’s already in hell so what’s the difference? Blazing fire and endless tortures are nothing compared to the despair he drowned in.
He stuck the cancer stick between his lips as he grabbed the remote and pressed play. He laid back when the video started to play and the image of his beloved nightmare popped on the screen-all smiley face and toothy grin and Donghae thinks he’s so beautiful that it sickened him.
“Hello~! This is Cho Kyuhyun’s Video-Diary!”
Donghae grabbed the bottle of vodka and downed in a gulp.
Time to kill himself.