From the Beginning Until Now [Part 2]
Title: From the Beginning until Now.
Author: imaginarybulb
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Donghae, mention of!Eunhyuk/Donghae, Kyuhyun/Sungmin, minor!Yunho/Changmin
Rating: PG-13 and NC-17 for some smutty scenes.
Summary: “But I do know that if I die, I’ll become a star and watch over you.”
“Kuixian!”
Kyuhyun turned around towards the voice and he grinned widely. He waved at Zhou Mi, Henry, Kibum and Shindong who came towards him with enthusiastic waves and grin on their faces. It’s been about a year since he last saw the four of them since they were too busy with their own life.
Kyuhyun choked on air a bit when Zhou Mi suddenly pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, burying his face into Kyuhyun’s shoulder, “You look handsome, Kuixian. My dear, lovely dongsaeng.”
Kyuhyun laughed at the words and he properly hugged Zhou Mi back, muttering a chuckled ‘thanks’. He exchanged hugs with Kibum, Henry and Shindong, each of them congratulating him like other hyungs.
“Are you nervous?” Kibum asked while one-arm hugged him (and Kyuhyun couldn’t shake away the feelings that Kibum was comforting him by rubbing his arm and smiled with sadness laced in it). The younger one nodded and smiled sheepishly, “A bit.”
“Of course, Kuixian gege is getting married!” Henry said (a bit too happy, too forced) and they all laugh (a bit too happy, too faked).
They continued to laugh until someone announced that the ceremony was about to begin. They stopped laughing at the same time and prepared for the ceremony. Kyuhyun let Zhou Mi fixed his bowtie and he wondered why Zhou Mi, the fashionista, who could fix up a bowtie in a few seconds, made a lot of silly mistakes and had to re-do it a lot of times this time.
(And he couldn’t help but to notice the awkward laugh that escaped Zhou Mi’s lips because of his silly mistakes and how Henry lightly gripped the Chinese male’s suit as a silent plead and Kibum looking at the floor and Shindong biting his lips despite the smile.)
Kyuhyun took a deep breath as he stood in front of the door (after 2 minutes of Zhou Mi’s tie-fixing), clenching and unclenching his fists in nervousness. Letting out a heavy breath, he took the first step, but stopped almost abruptly to turn towards Kibum, Zhou Mi, Henry and Shindong.
“Zhou Mi gege…” he started and he was a bit bother at how Zhou Mi’s eyes lighted up immediately at the call of his name.
Kyuhyun smiled, sincere, genuine, sad, “Thank you.”
Zhou Mi was baffled, so did the others and Kyuhyun chuckled before continuing, “Thank you. You said that I would be thanking you… On that night you ‘kidnapped’ me,” Zhou Mi’s body went tensed, so did the others and Kyuhyun tried to ignore it, “So, thank you.” It was sincere, not at all sarcastic.
And Kyuhyun turned around and stepped forward, pretending as if he hadn’t heard Zhou Mi’s trembling ‘Kuixian’.
--
It’s been two months after Donghae’s proposal and they planned to get married after they graduated (which is only a few months away), find a proper job and house to live in. The others objected to this, that’s a fucking long time to wait! but Donghae and Kyuhyun were contented with this idea. They do not want to rush into this kind of thing. Marriage is something that happen only once in a lifetime and the two of them wanted to make it as memorable as ever.
Cheesy bastards, Heechul told them with a smile.
They have gotten the permission from their parents and family and they also agreed that they decided to wait until their economy stable before getting married.
“Marriage is not a game,” Donghae’s mother said as she taught Kyuhyun how to cook, Donghae snickering from the table as he eyed Kyuhyun scowling every time he couldn’t cut the veggies right.
“It’s a sacred event, something that happens once in a lifetime. Sure you can marry again, but a first time marriage is very special and important,” the female continued, smiling as she grabbed Kyuhyun’s hands and guide him to cut the carrot right.
“That is why, it has to be done properly and memorable,” she finished and Kyuhyun smiled at her. Donghae stood up from his seat and went towards the duo, wrapping his arms around Kyuhyun’s waist and kissed the younger one’s cheek, “Thanks mom.”
Mrs. Lee laughed softly before she shooed the two out so that she can finish dinner. Kyuhyun insisted on helping (while ignoring Donghae’s “You’d better don’t, Kyuhyun-ah.”), but the older female said it’s okay and told him to hang out with Donghae instead.
Kyuhyun had been to Donghae’s house before, hell, he even slept over here so many times before when they were younger. But still, there’s something that spiked Kyuhyun’s curiosity from the first day he entered this house, but never had the guts to ask Donghae.
Until now.
“Um… Hyung,” Kyuhyun started as he stared at the picture frames at the living room, “Where’s your dad?”
Kyuhyun stilled, afraid to turn around to look at Donghae. He was afraid if that was a sensitive question because Donghae never talks about his dad.
To his surprise, the older male chuckled and walked towards him. He hugged Kyuhyun from behind, resting his chin on the younger one’s shoulder as he looked at the picture Kyuhyun was looking at. It was the picture of a younger Donghae with his dad, grinning with a freshly-caught fish in Donghae’s hand.
“He died, when I was 6.”
Kyuhyun’s head snapped towards Donghae, eyes widened, that’s a year before he moved here, “I’m sorry.”
Donghae laughed, genuine and carefree, “Nah, it’s okay. I missed him some times, but I managed to move on. It’s all thanks to you, Kyuhyun-ah.”
Kyuhyun blushed as he pouted and averted his gaze to the other pictures, “You’re cheesy, hyung.”
“Yeah, I’m cheesy for you,” Donghae answered and laughed when Kyuhyun turned around and smacked his arm, embarrassed.
--
A year after his graduation, Kyuhyun’s father died.
He was devastated; crying all the time calling for his father and Donghae couldn’t do anything but to hold him close to his chest and whispered comforting words to his lover. It took a while for Kyuhyun to accept his father’s death, but Donghae had helped him to go through it.
“And to think that he won’t be able to walk me down the aisle,” Kyuhyun whispered to Donghae’s chest, sobbing.
Donghae’s heart clenched painfully, “I’m sure he’s watching you somewhere up there. When my dad dies, mom used to tell me that he’s up there watching me from far.”
“I’m not a kid, hyung,” Kyuhyun chuckled a bit before he sniffed, tears still rolling down his cheeks. Donghae smiled softly and he stroked Kyuhyun’s hair, “But it’s true. Mom said that my dad became a star in the sky. It’ll be a really long time before we can meet again, but now he had become a star, he would always watch over me. I believe that’s true and I believe your dad had become a star and will always watch over you.”
“So,” Kyuhyun sniffed, “You’re saying if I die, I’ll become a star too? That’s weird.”
Donghae laughed and hugged Kyuhyun tighter, “Well, I don’t know about that. I think you’ll become a scary ghost and haunt me for the rest of my life,” he groaned in pain when Kyuhyun smacked his chest but laughed nevertheless.
“But I do know that if I die, I’ll become a star and watch over you.”
--
Kyuhyun smiled as he exited the room and went to Jungsu. The older male’s eyes were red and puffy, so Kyuhyun laughed and told him not to cry because this is my happy day, hyung.
Jungsu sniffed and wiped his nose and eyes, “Be happy, Kyuhyun-ah.” Tears welled in his eyes and he couldn’t stop the tears that were rolling his cheeks, “Just… Just be happy with him. He loves you so much, you know that, right?”
Kyuhyun smiled, tender and pained, “I know hyung, I know.”
--
Donghae and Kyuhyun always fight with each other. But it always consist of Kyuhyun screaming at Donghae and throwing things at him and Donghae pleading him to forgive him and hugged the younger male until he calmed down because Donghae didn’t really know what to say to an angry Kyuhyun, so he hugged him, held him close and said ‘I’m sorry’ again and again.
Despite the number of fights the two always had, their relationship always gets stronger and stronger after each fight and maybe that’s why they managed to stay together even after two years of living together.
It was a struggle at first, finding jobs, paying for the bills of the apartment they bought a year ago (using Kyuhyun’s and Donghae’s savings), and sometimes they couldn’t even spend times together because of their jobs. Donghae was teaching dances at his small studio and Kyuhyun’s a part-time composer. The money they earned was not consistent; it depended on special occasions, like if Kyuhyun’s song is a big hit or Donghae get to choreograph for idol groups, but they still manage to live.
But what’s the problem was how tired they were when they were home with each other and because of the tiredness they always argue over small things like the unwashed dishes, scattered clothes, no food in the refrigerator and messy house.
Sometimes, even Donghae snaps and the older male always slept at Hyukjae’s house whenever they were having a big fight (which of course, enraged Kyuhyun even further) but then, in a week, they would go back to normal.
After a few months, they finally manage to get their life straight and stabilizing their economy, the marriage plan was still in their mind.
It was only after another one year that they planned to get married, for real.
--
Kyuhyun took a deep breath as he linked his arm with Jungsu’s and the older male wiped his tears one final time before he composed himself and held his head up.
“Are you ready?” the older one asked and Kyuhyun nodded after a moment of silence.
The music started and Jungsu and Kyuhyun took a step forward, and another and another and they walked slowly down the aisle. All eyes were on Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun smiled at them softly in return.
A few steps forwards and Kyuhyun’s eyes darted on one familiar female.
Mrs. Lee.
He stared at her and she smiled at him, eyes red and puffy and Kyuhyun felt his insides churned heavily.
--
Donghae had been acting weird, Kyuhyun noticed. Just like how they were still in the university, Donghae was avoiding him. Only this time, Kyuhyun could feel that Donghae was hiding something, and that something was not good.
It killed him actually, because he couldn’t find out what was wrong with Donghae. He asked Hyukjae, the first male that came to his mind because he knew Donghae was close with Hyukjae apart from him but to his dismay, Hyukjae didn’t know anything at all too.
But he was surprised when Hyukjae said Donghae looked normal to him.
“He’s not normal, hyung!” Kyuhyun said exasperatedly towards the amused Heechul.
“I mean, every morning, he didn’t kiss me like he always did, instead he just peck me on my cheek with a ‘good morning babe’ and the just left for breakfast. He usually waited for me and then we would eat breakfast together, but he didn’t! When I went to the kitchen, he’s already gone!”
Heechul sipped on his coffee calmly, “Maybe he’s seeing another girl or boy?”
Kyuhyun was spluttered and Heechul placed the cup on the table back before his expression turned serious, “Have you two did it?”
“What?”
“It.”
“What!?”
Heechul sighed, and they said Donghae and Hyukjae were airheads. “Sex. Have you two done it?”
Kyuhyun spluttered for the second time and he hesitated to answer at first before he lied, “Y-Yes! Of course we have!”
But no, Kim Heechul won’t be fooled by that, so he gave the younger one a skeptical look, “Oh, yeah?”
Kyuhyun bit his lips. He’s good with lying, but not to Heechul. The older one could always read his mind, “N-No…”
Heechul shook his head and mocked disappointed, “No wonder, he must be tired of waiting.”
“Wh-What?”
“Listen, Kyuhyun-ah, Donghae is a man with need, so it won’t be a surprise if he find other person to fuck if you’re not willing to give yourself to him.”
“B-But… But it’s not like we haven’t touch or anything!” Kyuhyun defended, cheeks already rosy pink.
The beautiful-looking male sighed, “I don’t think hugging, kissing, groping and cuddling are good enough to replace sex, Kyuhyunnie. What are you waiting for, by the way?”
Kyuhyun actually had noticed what Donghae wanted. It’s not like he’s stupid enough not to notice the look in Donghae’s eyes every time they were kissing or if Kyuhyun was wearing a tight skinny pants that showed the curve of his legs and ass or maybe when Kyuhyun was half-naked and wet after taking a bath.
But Kyuhyun was afraid. He had read a few articles and watched a few gay porn to see how exactly do guys did it, but after seeing those, he was afraid to do it. He knew it’s going to be hurt (a lot, depending Donghae’s size, but seeing how muscular and tough the older one is, he’s sure that thing won’t be a small one), and he’s afraid of that.
But Donghae is kind and gentle, he won’t hurt you, a part of his brain said.
So, that’s how Kyuhyun was in this position. Panting and looking so debauched with red face and saliva-slicked lips, hair sweat-matted to his forehead and red marks covering his pale neck and chest from the doings of the male on top of him, Donghae.
Donghae was also panting hard and he was sweating. Kyuhyun could even feel the growing bulge from Donghae’s jeans and he moaned at the feeling of Donghae’s clothed and his bare erections rubbing together. Donghae groaned at the sound and he fastened the strokes on Kyuhyun’s length, latching his lips on to Kyuhyun. Swallowing the moans of pleasure from his younger lover.
“Donghae, Donghae, Donghae,” Kyuhyun chanted Donghae’s name again and again. Running his palms across Donghae toned and muscular chest, he bucked his hips up to get some more frictions, “Donghae hyung… M-More… I-I need more…”
“Kyuhyun,” Donghae panted out, feeling his jeans too tight for his comfort. “Kyuhyun, what… What are you doing? Why?’
Kyuhyun whined, he really didn’t want to explain but if he explains then maybe they can get to business faster, “I… You were hiding something and Heechul hyung told me that you might see someone else because we haven’t had sex yet.”
Donghae stopped stroking and his eyes softened. Kyuhyun continued, not realizing he was crying right now, “I-I love you, Donghae hyung. I don’t want you to leave me. So please…. Please don’t leave me… I’ll do anything… Just….” He wrapped his arms around Donghae’s neck and pulled him closer, “Just… Don’t leave me, hyung… I need you…”
“I’m sorry…” Donghae choked out, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Kyuhyun-ah….”
“Hae hyung… Y-You’re not seeing someone else, right?” Kyuhyun asked as he pushed Donghae away a bit to look at the older male and he felt relieved seeing Donghae smiled softly, “Of course not, pabo.”
“Then…” Kyuhyun bit his lips and sniffed, “Why are you avoiding me?”
Donghae stared at Kyuhyun before he sighed and Kyuhyun noticed how shaky the older male’s hand were when he stroked Kyuhyun’s cheek softly, “If I tell you… Will you be angry?”
Kyuhyun felt nausea all of the sudden as fear washed over him, but he managed to keep calm, “Of course not, hyung… Tell me.”
From the day they were best friends, Donghae had promised Kyuhyun that he’ll never leave him alone. And the older male continued to promise the same thing every time Kyuhyun cried or angry or when they were just cuddling or kissing or hugging each other. Sometimes, Kyuhyun was tired hearing the same thing, but he couldn’t help but to feel happy that the older male do care about him a lot.
‘I’ll never leave you alone, Kyuhyun-ah.’
But that was proven to be a lie.
“I…I have brain tumor.”
--
Tears rolled down Kyuhyun cheeks, but he didn’t wipe them. He kept his face calm and composed, though his lips were trembling. From his peripheral vision, he noticed Jungsu was sniffling and his friends were looking sad and sullen and pained expression scrawled all over their faces.
Don’t cry, don’t cry. It’s your happy day.
But the tears didn’t stop, instead, the tears gushed out of his eyes even more at the memories of a certain male.
A certain male named Lee Donghae.
--
“It’s going to be okay,” Donghae said and Kyuhyun didn’t even look up upon hearing the older one’s comforting words. They were at the hospital, just finished meeting the doctor about Donghae’s condition and all the doctor could say was, “We can operate him, but it’ll be too risky. If the operation fails, he’ll lose his life and if he survives, he could lose his memories.”
Kyuhyun was angry and hurt because Donghae waited for four fucking months to tell him this. They had told Heechul about this earlier because he’s the only one who could still stay calm hearing this and they’re sure Heechul must’ve told their friends because Kyuhyun and Donghae’s phone won’t stop ringing from the incoming calls and messages.
But they didn’t answer any of those except for the one from Donghae’s mom. She already knew about it and she called Donghae to ask how Kyuhyun was feeling.
“Not to good,” he had answered, warily eyed the younger one.
Donghae took his hand and kneeled in front of him, tilting his chin so that their eyes were locked together and Donghae’s heart pained to see the tears in Kyuhyun’s soft brown eyes.
“Kyuhyun-ah… It’s okay… Everything will be fine….”
Kyuhyun sniffed as a drop of tear fell on Donghae’s hand, “How could you be so sure….? Didn’t you hear the doctor? He said-”
“There’s 50% chance that I’ll survive,” Donghae added, smiling softly.
“But you’ll lose your memories….” Kyuhyun choked out, sobbing even harder. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose Donghae. Donghae is his everything, his friend, his love, his life and to have Donghae alive but not remembering about everything they had shared for 20 years won’t be the same anymore.
20 years… he bitterly thought. How could he survive knowing Donghae won’t remember the 20 years they had spent together?
“Don’t leave me,” he said, voice strained as he gripped Donghae’s hand. The older male didn’t answer straight away like he usually did and Kyuhyun cried harder.
“Don’t leave me,” he repeated, body shaking violently as more and more tears gushed out of his eyes.
“I won’t leave you,” Donghae finally said, enveloping him into a warm hug.
Kyuhyun couldn’t remember how long he cried that day.
--
“Oh, Kyuhyun-ah…” Jungsu hugged him close, and Kyuhyun let his other hyungs crowding around the two of them and giving them a group hug. He stared at Donghae who’s standing quietly with Heechul and the older male sent him a soft smile.
Kyuhyun didn’t smile back.
--
Shoulders’ shaking as he sobbed, Kyuhyun kept walking down the aisle with Jungsu by his side. Soft cries were heard from Hyukjae, Ryeowook, Changmin, Henry and Zhou Mi and he could see the tears rolling down Hankyung, Shindong, Kibum, Youngwoon and Jongwoon’s face. Yunho and Siwon were quiet but the look in their eyes were sorrow and Heechul kept his face straight while staring at the crying groom, his eyes glistening wet.
Kyuhyun couldn’t handle the pain, so he cried a bit louder, hiccupping a bit louder, but his feet were still moving. His mother and sister were already crying and he noticed some of the guests were also crying. His vision was blurry, but he still could make out the male waiting for him at the end of the aisle.
Donghae.
Donghae with his soft smile, comforting brown eyes, his friend, his love, his life.
His everything.
--
It hurts.
It hurts so badly that Kyuhyun wanted to scream as loud as he can and curse the fate for doing this to him and Donghae.
It had been two months and Donghae’s condition was slowly deteriorating. He should’ve gone for the operation a month ago, but he refused to do so before his and Kyuhyun’s marriage.
“What the fuck, hyung!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING!?”
Donghae sighed as he tried to calm the younger one down; avoiding the glass Kyuhyun threw at him.
“Calm down, Kyuhyun-ah…”
“Calm down? CALM DOWN!? HOW THE FUCK CAN I CALM DOWN, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!? What are you waiting for, you idiot!? Don’t you know that you’re fucking dy-” Kyuhyun cuts himself off. Tears suddenly fell from his eyes and Donghae’s heart clenched.
“Kyu-”
“No! Stay away!” Kyuhyun screamed, his dry throat hurt from each syllable that was squeezed out. “Don’t you dare… I…” he fell on his knees, sobbing harder and Donghae quickly scooped the younger one into his arms, ignoring the hits Kyuhyun sent to him.
“Why are you doing this, hyung? WHY!?” Kyuhyun cried, “Don’t you know how hurt I was seeing you sick!? Why won’t you just do the treatment!? Why must you wait!?”
“I want to marry you, Kyuhyun-ah,” Donghae said, tears already brimming in his eyes, threatening to fall anytime soon. “I’ve wanted to marry you for so long and I’m afraid… I’m afraid if I’m going to d-”
“Don’t you dare say that!” Kyuhyun hits his chest harder, pushing Donghae away from him, “Don’t you fucking dare say that word!”
“Kyuhyun….” Donghae pleaded, “Please understand. I want us to be officially together. I want you to be officially mine. If something happen to me-”
Donghae was cut off when Kyuhyun suddenly kissed him, a little too hard, a little too fierce and a little too desperate. He fell on his back on to the cold, hard floor with Kyuhyun on top of him. The younger male’s eyes were shut tightly but tears still escaped his closed eyes and he was gripping the collar of Donghae’s shirt so tight that his knuckles whiten.
Donghae kissed back, with the same amount of hardness, fierceness and desperation. When oxygen was needed, they pulled apart, both panting and Kyuhyun was still crying, “Don’t say that please… Please… Just, don’t say that…”
“I’m sorry,” Donghae whispered as he wiped Kyuhyun’s tears. He pulled the younger one’s head on to his chest, letting Kyuhyun wet his shirt with his tears.
“I’m sorry.”
--
“Hey, Kyu,” Donghae was grinning and Kyuhyun sniffed in reply. The older male laughed and wiped his tears but the tears were still there, flowing endlessly.
“Pabo, why are you crying? It’s your happy day. You’re going to get married finally!”
Kyuhyun cried harder that his whole body was trembling from the tremor of sadness that washed all over him. Donghae’s smile softened and he cupped Kyuhyun’s face.
“Smile, Kyuhyun-ah. It’s your happy day.”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes as Donghae kissed his lips.
--
“Wow!! You looked so dashing, Kuixian!!” Zhou Mi exclaimed as he clapped his hands together, his eyes shining as he scanned Kyuhyun; dressed in white suit and his hair was styled perfectly, showing off his model-like features.
Kyuhyun smiled, “Thanks, gege.”
“What do you think?” Mrs. Cho asked Donghae, nudging the male playfully. She chuckled seeing Donghae gaping at her son, and she swears she saw the male was drooling.
“Donghae-ssi, you’re drooling!” Ahra exclaimed while giggling and the others laughed seeing Donghae quickly shut his mouth and wiped the corner of his lips, his face reddened in embarrassment.
“So, what do you think?” Mrs. Cho asked again and Donghae gulped as he stared at Kyuhyun again. His eyes scanned every inch of his lover’s lean body and the only word he could say was,
“Beautiful.”
The others whistled and ooohhhh-ed at the compliment and Kyuhyun’s face went darker shade of red upon hearing the statement, “I’m not a girl, shut up.”
“But you are beautiful! You don’t need to be a girl to be beautiful!” Donghae said, pouting.
“Yeah, like Xiche,” Zhou Mi added and Ahra tilted her head in confusion, “Xi…Che? Who’s that?”
“Heechul hyung,” Kyuhyun answered while smacking the back of Zhou Mi’s head. The older male winced in pain and pouted, “That hurts, Kuixian.” The younger male huffed and crossed his arms, “Whatever.”
Donghae smiled as he walked towards the pouting Kyuhyun. He turned the maknae around and cupped his face before kissing his forehead, cheeks, nose, chin and ended on his bow-shaped lips.
“You’re beautiful, thank you for being with me.”
“Okay guys!! Some things need to be kept as secrets okay?” Zhou Mi said, closing his and Ahra’s eyes while Mrs. Cho and Mrs. Lee only smiled fondly at the two of them. Kyuhyun glared at the Chinese male before he kissed Donghae briefly, “You’re a cheesy bastard, but I love you anyway.”
And he quickly went to the changing room before he could hear Donghae’s reply because of embarrassment.
Really, I can’t believe I said that in front of them!
Kyuhyun thought grumpily as he pulled the shirt down and fixed his ruffled hair briefly. His phone suddenly rang and when he was about to answer after seeing the caller ID, he heard a shriek coming from Mrs. Lee and his mother.
“What’s wrong!?” he asked in alarm and his eyes widened seeing Donghae on the floor, unconscious.
And the call from Donghae’s doctor was left unanswered as he dashed towards his lover.
--
Kyuhyun cried as the memory hit him straight into his mind, to his heart. Donghae was still there, looking real in front of him.
But that’s the problem. He looked real, but he’s not.
“I’m sorry, Kyuhyun,” Donghae said softly as he rested his forehead on Kyuhyun’s and Kyuhyun tried to close his eyes so that he couldn’t see the lights that were starting to form around Donghae, his friend, his love, his life.
His everything.
--
“Donghae, Donghae, DONGHAE!!”
Kyuhyun was screaming as tears rolled down his cheeks. He was running along the doctors and nurses who were pushing the stretcher that the unconscious Donghae was on. Mrs. Lee and his mother were behind, jogging along but they were not as fast as them. Zhou Mi was somewhere with Ahra, calling their friends, maybe, Kyuhyun didn’t know.
He didn’t care.
“Donghae, please… Please open your eyes!! Please open your eyes fuck dammit!!”
But Donghae didn’t response even the slightest bit.
--
“I’m sorry,” Donghae repeated and Kyuhyun closed his eyes even tighter when he felt the lights were getting brighter, so bright, too bright that he could see them from his closed eyes. He ignored how the hands that were cupping his cheeks were getting softer and softer that it almost felt like they were disappearing.
Wait, they were disappearing.
Kyuhyun’s eyes shot opened and his eyes widened with fear when Donghae was getting transparent.
Literally.
“I’m sorry…” The doctor said, grief and disappointment scrawled all over his face.
“Donghae hyung…” Kyuhyun wanted to say, but the word was stuck in his throat.
“We tried everything…”
Donghae smiled, one last time before the lights engulfed him fully, his last words rang in Kyuhyun’s ears as he vanished into thin air.
“Be happy, Kyuhyun-ah… He loves you, maybe not as much as I do,” a chuckle, “But he loves you enough to make you happy for the rest of your life.”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes slowly before he opened them again and he saw the male who was going to marry him, his soon-to-be husband, the one who loves him so much, stretching his hand out, a soft smile graced his handsome face and Kyuhyun wiped his tears after Jungsu kissed his cheek and handed him to the other male. Kyuhyun smiled softly as he took the awaiting hand.
“Sungmin hyung.”
--
After Donghae’s funeral, Kyuhyun had completely isolated himself from the rest of the world (the world didn’t matter to him anymore because Donghae, his friend, his love, his life, his everything was gone.) He had cried his eyes (and heart) out as he watched Donghae (pale face, bluish lips, closed eyes, no more soft smiles, no more comforting eyes, no more cheery ‘Kyuhyunnie~!) dressed handsomely in black suit, his hands were placed together on his stomach and flowers and letters adorned his side and hands, laid inside a coffin like he was sleeping on the bed he shared with Kyuhyun in their little comfy apartment.
But Donghae is sleeping, forever. And never wake up.
He was hugged tightly by Sungmin when he cried as the coffin was lowered slowly into the ground, a moment later, fresh soil was used to bury the coffin, separating the dead from the beloved alive ones completely.
Kyuhyun turned his eyes from the picture of him and Donghae he was holding to the door when he heard soft knocks coming. He knew it must be one of his hyungs, or maybe Changmin or Henry or his mom or Ahra or Mrs. Lee because his mom had the keys to the apartment he shared with Donghae and they must’ve gotten it from her.
But, he didn’t want to answer them, he didn’t want to meet them. He was so broken-hearted that he felt like nothing in this world could mend his broken heart.
“Kyuhyun, open up… It’s me,” he heard Sungmin’s voice and he cried softly, fingers caressing the Donghae’s smiling picture.
“Please, Kyuhyun-ah…. I’m begging you, please let me in….” he heard Sungmin sniffed, “Donghae is my friend too… Please don’t think you’re alone in this. You have so many people around you, who love you.”
There’s a pause before Sungmin continued, “You have me…”
Kyuhyun stared at the door, eyes still teary. He didn’t know why he opened the door but he did and now he was staring at the older male with red, puffy and confused eyes.
“I love you, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin confessed and Kyuhyun’s heart ached at how familiar Sungmin look like Donghae. Soft smile, anticipating and hopeful eyes that filled with love that is just for Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun alone.
“Hyung… But… Donghae hyung…”
“I know, Kyuhyun. I’m not telling you to answer now. I… I have loved you from the first day we met, but Donghae… He loves you so much that I didn’t have the heart to take you from him and you love him as much as he loves you,” Sungmin chuckled, “You guys looked so perfect together and I’m happy for you, I do.”
“Hyung…”
Sungmin shook his head, “I’m not replacing Donghae, Kyuhyun-ah. And I’m not trying to take his place in your heart because I know I could never do that. But… At least, I hope you will let me love you and take care of you. Maybe I’m not as good as Donghae, but I want to take care of you and I want to make you happy…” He took a step forward and softly stroke Kyuhyun’s tear-stained cheek.
He wiped the tears and cupped Kyuhyun’s face with both of his hands, “It’s okay if you didn’t love me like you love Donghae, but I hope you can marry me and let me make you happy.”
--
“Will you, Lee Sungmin, take Cho Kyuhyun as your husband and love him, take care of him and be with him through hard and good times, when he’s healthy and sick, when he’s happy and sad forever?”
Sungmin nodded, wiping the tears from Kyuhyun’s cheeks, “I do.”
“And you, Cho Kyuhyun. Will you take Lee Sungmin as your husband and love him, take care of him and be with him through hard and good times, when he’s healthy and sick, when he’s happy and sad forever?”
Kyuhyun bit his lips and looked at his hyungs, Changmin, Henry, his mother, Ahra and lastly, Mrs. Lee.
--
It was hard for Kyuhyun to choose. His mother had told him to accept Sungmin, ‘At least he loves you, dear,’ but the thought of betraying Donghae won’t leave his mind.
It had been two weeks after Donghae’s death and Kyuhyun was still holding on the memories he shared with Donghae to live. It was unhealthy, because he would cry almost every night or maybe worked too hard so that he can distract his mind from his too empty apartment and too cold bed.
His friends had also encouraged him to accept Sungmin because they couldn’t handle seeing Kyuhyun in and out the hospital because of his lack of sleep and eat, except for Zhou Mi.
“You can’t! How could you betray Donghai like that!?” the older Chinese male had said, with Henry holding his arms tight, trying to calm him down.
Heechul, whose lips bloodied from the punch Zhou Mi threw at him, glared at the Chinese male, “What the fuck are your problem!? Are you saying we should let Kyuhyun stay miserable like this?”
Kyuhyun was behind Heechul, biting his lips as his eyes darted on the ground. Changmin was beside him, rubbing comforting circles on his back while saying ‘it’s okay, Kyuhyun, it’s okay’ while sniffing. Yunho was holding Heechul, preventing the male from punching Zhou Mi.
Zhou Mi went silence as he didn’t know what to say, “But…” He lets out a shuddering breath and fell on his knees, crying.
Heechul calmed down upon seeing his friend cried, “Look, I love Donghae too, okay? You think I’m not sad that he’s-” He licked his lips, “…But now, our priority is Kyuhyun. Who do you think would be the most broken one right now?”
Zhou Mi looked up, his teary eyes met Kyuhyun’s swollen ones. Kuixian had been crying so much, he thought and he cursed himself for being a selfish bastard. He slowly stood up and went to Sungmin. He stopped a few feet away from the smaller older male, “You promise you’ll take care of him?”
Sungmin took a deep breath before he nodded confidently, “I promise. But, I’m not going to force Kyuhyun into this. It’s all up to him,” he looked at the younger one, so did Zhou Mi.
Zhou Mi then slowly walked towards Kyuhyun and he quickly pulled the younger male into his arms, hugging him tightly, “Oh, Kuixian…” He started as he cried, “My dongsaeng, my lovely dongsaeng. I’m so sorry…. I’m sorry… Please be happy…”
--
Mrs. Lee who caught his eyes, smiled softly and Kyuhyun’s heart skipped a beat to see how she looked a lot like Donghae. Her eyes, her smile, her features, just like him, just like Donghae. She nodded at him and mouthed out an ‘It’s okay.’
Kyuhyun smiled back and turned his head towards Sungmin. He took a deep breath and smiled when he heard Donghae’s voice whispering in his ears, ”Be happy, for me.”
“I do.”
And they kissed.
And when Kyuhyun opened his eyes, he saw Donghae; with soft smile and comforting eyes and this time, he smiled back, tears filled his eyes to the brim.
Thank you, for being the most wonderful thing in my life, Lee Donghae. 사랑해.
--
“Hey, Kyuhyun.”
“Hmm?”
“If I die, I’ll be the brightest star and watch over you, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Hey, Donghae hyung.”
“Yeah?”
“After we both die, I’ll find you and we’ll be together again, okay?”
“Hahaha, okay Kyu. I’ll wait for you. No matter how long it takes.”
Author: imaginarybulb
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Donghae, mention of!Eunhyuk/Donghae, Kyuhyun/Sungmin, minor!Yunho/Changmin
Rating: PG-13 and NC-17 for some smutty scenes.
Summary: “But I do know that if I die, I’ll become a star and watch over you.”
“Kuixian!”
Kyuhyun turned around towards the voice and he grinned widely. He waved at Zhou Mi, Henry, Kibum and Shindong who came towards him with enthusiastic waves and grin on their faces. It’s been about a year since he last saw the four of them since they were too busy with their own life.
Kyuhyun choked on air a bit when Zhou Mi suddenly pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, burying his face into Kyuhyun’s shoulder, “You look handsome, Kuixian. My dear, lovely dongsaeng.”
Kyuhyun laughed at the words and he properly hugged Zhou Mi back, muttering a chuckled ‘thanks’. He exchanged hugs with Kibum, Henry and Shindong, each of them congratulating him like other hyungs.
“Are you nervous?” Kibum asked while one-arm hugged him (and Kyuhyun couldn’t shake away the feelings that Kibum was comforting him by rubbing his arm and smiled with sadness laced in it). The younger one nodded and smiled sheepishly, “A bit.”
“Of course, Kuixian gege is getting married!” Henry said (a bit too happy, too forced) and they all laugh (a bit too happy, too faked).
They continued to laugh until someone announced that the ceremony was about to begin. They stopped laughing at the same time and prepared for the ceremony. Kyuhyun let Zhou Mi fixed his bowtie and he wondered why Zhou Mi, the fashionista, who could fix up a bowtie in a few seconds, made a lot of silly mistakes and had to re-do it a lot of times this time.
(And he couldn’t help but to notice the awkward laugh that escaped Zhou Mi’s lips because of his silly mistakes and how Henry lightly gripped the Chinese male’s suit as a silent plead and Kibum looking at the floor and Shindong biting his lips despite the smile.)
Kyuhyun took a deep breath as he stood in front of the door (after 2 minutes of Zhou Mi’s tie-fixing), clenching and unclenching his fists in nervousness. Letting out a heavy breath, he took the first step, but stopped almost abruptly to turn towards Kibum, Zhou Mi, Henry and Shindong.
“Zhou Mi gege…” he started and he was a bit bother at how Zhou Mi’s eyes lighted up immediately at the call of his name.
Kyuhyun smiled, sincere, genuine, sad, “Thank you.”
Zhou Mi was baffled, so did the others and Kyuhyun chuckled before continuing, “Thank you. You said that I would be thanking you… On that night you ‘kidnapped’ me,” Zhou Mi’s body went tensed, so did the others and Kyuhyun tried to ignore it, “So, thank you.” It was sincere, not at all sarcastic.
And Kyuhyun turned around and stepped forward, pretending as if he hadn’t heard Zhou Mi’s trembling ‘Kuixian’.
--
It’s been two months after Donghae’s proposal and they planned to get married after they graduated (which is only a few months away), find a proper job and house to live in. The others objected to this, that’s a fucking long time to wait! but Donghae and Kyuhyun were contented with this idea. They do not want to rush into this kind of thing. Marriage is something that happen only once in a lifetime and the two of them wanted to make it as memorable as ever.
Cheesy bastards, Heechul told them with a smile.
They have gotten the permission from their parents and family and they also agreed that they decided to wait until their economy stable before getting married.
“Marriage is not a game,” Donghae’s mother said as she taught Kyuhyun how to cook, Donghae snickering from the table as he eyed Kyuhyun scowling every time he couldn’t cut the veggies right.
“It’s a sacred event, something that happens once in a lifetime. Sure you can marry again, but a first time marriage is very special and important,” the female continued, smiling as she grabbed Kyuhyun’s hands and guide him to cut the carrot right.
“That is why, it has to be done properly and memorable,” she finished and Kyuhyun smiled at her. Donghae stood up from his seat and went towards the duo, wrapping his arms around Kyuhyun’s waist and kissed the younger one’s cheek, “Thanks mom.”
Mrs. Lee laughed softly before she shooed the two out so that she can finish dinner. Kyuhyun insisted on helping (while ignoring Donghae’s “You’d better don’t, Kyuhyun-ah.”), but the older female said it’s okay and told him to hang out with Donghae instead.
Kyuhyun had been to Donghae’s house before, hell, he even slept over here so many times before when they were younger. But still, there’s something that spiked Kyuhyun’s curiosity from the first day he entered this house, but never had the guts to ask Donghae.
Until now.
“Um… Hyung,” Kyuhyun started as he stared at the picture frames at the living room, “Where’s your dad?”
Kyuhyun stilled, afraid to turn around to look at Donghae. He was afraid if that was a sensitive question because Donghae never talks about his dad.
To his surprise, the older male chuckled and walked towards him. He hugged Kyuhyun from behind, resting his chin on the younger one’s shoulder as he looked at the picture Kyuhyun was looking at. It was the picture of a younger Donghae with his dad, grinning with a freshly-caught fish in Donghae’s hand.
“He died, when I was 6.”
Kyuhyun’s head snapped towards Donghae, eyes widened, that’s a year before he moved here, “I’m sorry.”
Donghae laughed, genuine and carefree, “Nah, it’s okay. I missed him some times, but I managed to move on. It’s all thanks to you, Kyuhyun-ah.”
Kyuhyun blushed as he pouted and averted his gaze to the other pictures, “You’re cheesy, hyung.”
“Yeah, I’m cheesy for you,” Donghae answered and laughed when Kyuhyun turned around and smacked his arm, embarrassed.
--
A year after his graduation, Kyuhyun’s father died.
He was devastated; crying all the time calling for his father and Donghae couldn’t do anything but to hold him close to his chest and whispered comforting words to his lover. It took a while for Kyuhyun to accept his father’s death, but Donghae had helped him to go through it.
“And to think that he won’t be able to walk me down the aisle,” Kyuhyun whispered to Donghae’s chest, sobbing.
Donghae’s heart clenched painfully, “I’m sure he’s watching you somewhere up there. When my dad dies, mom used to tell me that he’s up there watching me from far.”
“I’m not a kid, hyung,” Kyuhyun chuckled a bit before he sniffed, tears still rolling down his cheeks. Donghae smiled softly and he stroked Kyuhyun’s hair, “But it’s true. Mom said that my dad became a star in the sky. It’ll be a really long time before we can meet again, but now he had become a star, he would always watch over me. I believe that’s true and I believe your dad had become a star and will always watch over you.”
“So,” Kyuhyun sniffed, “You’re saying if I die, I’ll become a star too? That’s weird.”
Donghae laughed and hugged Kyuhyun tighter, “Well, I don’t know about that. I think you’ll become a scary ghost and haunt me for the rest of my life,” he groaned in pain when Kyuhyun smacked his chest but laughed nevertheless.
“But I do know that if I die, I’ll become a star and watch over you.”
--
Kyuhyun smiled as he exited the room and went to Jungsu. The older male’s eyes were red and puffy, so Kyuhyun laughed and told him not to cry because this is my happy day, hyung.
Jungsu sniffed and wiped his nose and eyes, “Be happy, Kyuhyun-ah.” Tears welled in his eyes and he couldn’t stop the tears that were rolling his cheeks, “Just… Just be happy with him. He loves you so much, you know that, right?”
Kyuhyun smiled, tender and pained, “I know hyung, I know.”
--
Donghae and Kyuhyun always fight with each other. But it always consist of Kyuhyun screaming at Donghae and throwing things at him and Donghae pleading him to forgive him and hugged the younger male until he calmed down because Donghae didn’t really know what to say to an angry Kyuhyun, so he hugged him, held him close and said ‘I’m sorry’ again and again.
Despite the number of fights the two always had, their relationship always gets stronger and stronger after each fight and maybe that’s why they managed to stay together even after two years of living together.
It was a struggle at first, finding jobs, paying for the bills of the apartment they bought a year ago (using Kyuhyun’s and Donghae’s savings), and sometimes they couldn’t even spend times together because of their jobs. Donghae was teaching dances at his small studio and Kyuhyun’s a part-time composer. The money they earned was not consistent; it depended on special occasions, like if Kyuhyun’s song is a big hit or Donghae get to choreograph for idol groups, but they still manage to live.
But what’s the problem was how tired they were when they were home with each other and because of the tiredness they always argue over small things like the unwashed dishes, scattered clothes, no food in the refrigerator and messy house.
Sometimes, even Donghae snaps and the older male always slept at Hyukjae’s house whenever they were having a big fight (which of course, enraged Kyuhyun even further) but then, in a week, they would go back to normal.
After a few months, they finally manage to get their life straight and stabilizing their economy, the marriage plan was still in their mind.
It was only after another one year that they planned to get married, for real.
--
Kyuhyun took a deep breath as he linked his arm with Jungsu’s and the older male wiped his tears one final time before he composed himself and held his head up.
“Are you ready?” the older one asked and Kyuhyun nodded after a moment of silence.
The music started and Jungsu and Kyuhyun took a step forward, and another and another and they walked slowly down the aisle. All eyes were on Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun smiled at them softly in return.
A few steps forwards and Kyuhyun’s eyes darted on one familiar female.
Mrs. Lee.
He stared at her and she smiled at him, eyes red and puffy and Kyuhyun felt his insides churned heavily.
--
Donghae had been acting weird, Kyuhyun noticed. Just like how they were still in the university, Donghae was avoiding him. Only this time, Kyuhyun could feel that Donghae was hiding something, and that something was not good.
It killed him actually, because he couldn’t find out what was wrong with Donghae. He asked Hyukjae, the first male that came to his mind because he knew Donghae was close with Hyukjae apart from him but to his dismay, Hyukjae didn’t know anything at all too.
But he was surprised when Hyukjae said Donghae looked normal to him.
“He’s not normal, hyung!” Kyuhyun said exasperatedly towards the amused Heechul.
“I mean, every morning, he didn’t kiss me like he always did, instead he just peck me on my cheek with a ‘good morning babe’ and the just left for breakfast. He usually waited for me and then we would eat breakfast together, but he didn’t! When I went to the kitchen, he’s already gone!”
Heechul sipped on his coffee calmly, “Maybe he’s seeing another girl or boy?”
Kyuhyun was spluttered and Heechul placed the cup on the table back before his expression turned serious, “Have you two did it?”
“What?”
“It.”
“What!?”
Heechul sighed, and they said Donghae and Hyukjae were airheads. “Sex. Have you two done it?”
Kyuhyun spluttered for the second time and he hesitated to answer at first before he lied, “Y-Yes! Of course we have!”
But no, Kim Heechul won’t be fooled by that, so he gave the younger one a skeptical look, “Oh, yeah?”
Kyuhyun bit his lips. He’s good with lying, but not to Heechul. The older one could always read his mind, “N-No…”
Heechul shook his head and mocked disappointed, “No wonder, he must be tired of waiting.”
“Wh-What?”
“Listen, Kyuhyun-ah, Donghae is a man with need, so it won’t be a surprise if he find other person to fuck if you’re not willing to give yourself to him.”
“B-But… But it’s not like we haven’t touch or anything!” Kyuhyun defended, cheeks already rosy pink.
The beautiful-looking male sighed, “I don’t think hugging, kissing, groping and cuddling are good enough to replace sex, Kyuhyunnie. What are you waiting for, by the way?”
Kyuhyun actually had noticed what Donghae wanted. It’s not like he’s stupid enough not to notice the look in Donghae’s eyes every time they were kissing or if Kyuhyun was wearing a tight skinny pants that showed the curve of his legs and ass or maybe when Kyuhyun was half-naked and wet after taking a bath.
But Kyuhyun was afraid. He had read a few articles and watched a few gay porn to see how exactly do guys did it, but after seeing those, he was afraid to do it. He knew it’s going to be hurt (a lot, depending Donghae’s size, but seeing how muscular and tough the older one is, he’s sure that thing won’t be a small one), and he’s afraid of that.
But Donghae is kind and gentle, he won’t hurt you, a part of his brain said.
So, that’s how Kyuhyun was in this position. Panting and looking so debauched with red face and saliva-slicked lips, hair sweat-matted to his forehead and red marks covering his pale neck and chest from the doings of the male on top of him, Donghae.
Donghae was also panting hard and he was sweating. Kyuhyun could even feel the growing bulge from Donghae’s jeans and he moaned at the feeling of Donghae’s clothed and his bare erections rubbing together. Donghae groaned at the sound and he fastened the strokes on Kyuhyun’s length, latching his lips on to Kyuhyun. Swallowing the moans of pleasure from his younger lover.
“Donghae, Donghae, Donghae,” Kyuhyun chanted Donghae’s name again and again. Running his palms across Donghae toned and muscular chest, he bucked his hips up to get some more frictions, “Donghae hyung… M-More… I-I need more…”
“Kyuhyun,” Donghae panted out, feeling his jeans too tight for his comfort. “Kyuhyun, what… What are you doing? Why?’
Kyuhyun whined, he really didn’t want to explain but if he explains then maybe they can get to business faster, “I… You were hiding something and Heechul hyung told me that you might see someone else because we haven’t had sex yet.”
Donghae stopped stroking and his eyes softened. Kyuhyun continued, not realizing he was crying right now, “I-I love you, Donghae hyung. I don’t want you to leave me. So please…. Please don’t leave me… I’ll do anything… Just….” He wrapped his arms around Donghae’s neck and pulled him closer, “Just… Don’t leave me, hyung… I need you…”
“I’m sorry…” Donghae choked out, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Kyuhyun-ah….”
“Hae hyung… Y-You’re not seeing someone else, right?” Kyuhyun asked as he pushed Donghae away a bit to look at the older male and he felt relieved seeing Donghae smiled softly, “Of course not, pabo.”
“Then…” Kyuhyun bit his lips and sniffed, “Why are you avoiding me?”
Donghae stared at Kyuhyun before he sighed and Kyuhyun noticed how shaky the older male’s hand were when he stroked Kyuhyun’s cheek softly, “If I tell you… Will you be angry?”
Kyuhyun felt nausea all of the sudden as fear washed over him, but he managed to keep calm, “Of course not, hyung… Tell me.”
From the day they were best friends, Donghae had promised Kyuhyun that he’ll never leave him alone. And the older male continued to promise the same thing every time Kyuhyun cried or angry or when they were just cuddling or kissing or hugging each other. Sometimes, Kyuhyun was tired hearing the same thing, but he couldn’t help but to feel happy that the older male do care about him a lot.
‘I’ll never leave you alone, Kyuhyun-ah.’
But that was proven to be a lie.
“I…I have brain tumor.”
--
Tears rolled down Kyuhyun cheeks, but he didn’t wipe them. He kept his face calm and composed, though his lips were trembling. From his peripheral vision, he noticed Jungsu was sniffling and his friends were looking sad and sullen and pained expression scrawled all over their faces.
Don’t cry, don’t cry. It’s your happy day.
But the tears didn’t stop, instead, the tears gushed out of his eyes even more at the memories of a certain male.
A certain male named Lee Donghae.
--
“It’s going to be okay,” Donghae said and Kyuhyun didn’t even look up upon hearing the older one’s comforting words. They were at the hospital, just finished meeting the doctor about Donghae’s condition and all the doctor could say was, “We can operate him, but it’ll be too risky. If the operation fails, he’ll lose his life and if he survives, he could lose his memories.”
Kyuhyun was angry and hurt because Donghae waited for four fucking months to tell him this. They had told Heechul about this earlier because he’s the only one who could still stay calm hearing this and they’re sure Heechul must’ve told their friends because Kyuhyun and Donghae’s phone won’t stop ringing from the incoming calls and messages.
But they didn’t answer any of those except for the one from Donghae’s mom. She already knew about it and she called Donghae to ask how Kyuhyun was feeling.
“Not to good,” he had answered, warily eyed the younger one.
Donghae took his hand and kneeled in front of him, tilting his chin so that their eyes were locked together and Donghae’s heart pained to see the tears in Kyuhyun’s soft brown eyes.
“Kyuhyun-ah… It’s okay… Everything will be fine….”
Kyuhyun sniffed as a drop of tear fell on Donghae’s hand, “How could you be so sure….? Didn’t you hear the doctor? He said-”
“There’s 50% chance that I’ll survive,” Donghae added, smiling softly.
“But you’ll lose your memories….” Kyuhyun choked out, sobbing even harder. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose Donghae. Donghae is his everything, his friend, his love, his life and to have Donghae alive but not remembering about everything they had shared for 20 years won’t be the same anymore.
20 years… he bitterly thought. How could he survive knowing Donghae won’t remember the 20 years they had spent together?
“Don’t leave me,” he said, voice strained as he gripped Donghae’s hand. The older male didn’t answer straight away like he usually did and Kyuhyun cried harder.
“Don’t leave me,” he repeated, body shaking violently as more and more tears gushed out of his eyes.
“I won’t leave you,” Donghae finally said, enveloping him into a warm hug.
Kyuhyun couldn’t remember how long he cried that day.
--
“Oh, Kyuhyun-ah…” Jungsu hugged him close, and Kyuhyun let his other hyungs crowding around the two of them and giving them a group hug. He stared at Donghae who’s standing quietly with Heechul and the older male sent him a soft smile.
Kyuhyun didn’t smile back.
--
Shoulders’ shaking as he sobbed, Kyuhyun kept walking down the aisle with Jungsu by his side. Soft cries were heard from Hyukjae, Ryeowook, Changmin, Henry and Zhou Mi and he could see the tears rolling down Hankyung, Shindong, Kibum, Youngwoon and Jongwoon’s face. Yunho and Siwon were quiet but the look in their eyes were sorrow and Heechul kept his face straight while staring at the crying groom, his eyes glistening wet.
Kyuhyun couldn’t handle the pain, so he cried a bit louder, hiccupping a bit louder, but his feet were still moving. His mother and sister were already crying and he noticed some of the guests were also crying. His vision was blurry, but he still could make out the male waiting for him at the end of the aisle.
Donghae.
Donghae with his soft smile, comforting brown eyes, his friend, his love, his life.
His everything.
--
It hurts.
It hurts so badly that Kyuhyun wanted to scream as loud as he can and curse the fate for doing this to him and Donghae.
It had been two months and Donghae’s condition was slowly deteriorating. He should’ve gone for the operation a month ago, but he refused to do so before his and Kyuhyun’s marriage.
“What the fuck, hyung!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING!?”
Donghae sighed as he tried to calm the younger one down; avoiding the glass Kyuhyun threw at him.
“Calm down, Kyuhyun-ah…”
“Calm down? CALM DOWN!? HOW THE FUCK CAN I CALM DOWN, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!? What are you waiting for, you idiot!? Don’t you know that you’re fucking dy-” Kyuhyun cuts himself off. Tears suddenly fell from his eyes and Donghae’s heart clenched.
“Kyu-”
“No! Stay away!” Kyuhyun screamed, his dry throat hurt from each syllable that was squeezed out. “Don’t you dare… I…” he fell on his knees, sobbing harder and Donghae quickly scooped the younger one into his arms, ignoring the hits Kyuhyun sent to him.
“Why are you doing this, hyung? WHY!?” Kyuhyun cried, “Don’t you know how hurt I was seeing you sick!? Why won’t you just do the treatment!? Why must you wait!?”
“I want to marry you, Kyuhyun-ah,” Donghae said, tears already brimming in his eyes, threatening to fall anytime soon. “I’ve wanted to marry you for so long and I’m afraid… I’m afraid if I’m going to d-”
“Don’t you dare say that!” Kyuhyun hits his chest harder, pushing Donghae away from him, “Don’t you fucking dare say that word!”
“Kyuhyun….” Donghae pleaded, “Please understand. I want us to be officially together. I want you to be officially mine. If something happen to me-”
Donghae was cut off when Kyuhyun suddenly kissed him, a little too hard, a little too fierce and a little too desperate. He fell on his back on to the cold, hard floor with Kyuhyun on top of him. The younger male’s eyes were shut tightly but tears still escaped his closed eyes and he was gripping the collar of Donghae’s shirt so tight that his knuckles whiten.
Donghae kissed back, with the same amount of hardness, fierceness and desperation. When oxygen was needed, they pulled apart, both panting and Kyuhyun was still crying, “Don’t say that please… Please… Just, don’t say that…”
“I’m sorry,” Donghae whispered as he wiped Kyuhyun’s tears. He pulled the younger one’s head on to his chest, letting Kyuhyun wet his shirt with his tears.
“I’m sorry.”
--
“Hey, Kyu,” Donghae was grinning and Kyuhyun sniffed in reply. The older male laughed and wiped his tears but the tears were still there, flowing endlessly.
“Pabo, why are you crying? It’s your happy day. You’re going to get married finally!”
Kyuhyun cried harder that his whole body was trembling from the tremor of sadness that washed all over him. Donghae’s smile softened and he cupped Kyuhyun’s face.
“Smile, Kyuhyun-ah. It’s your happy day.”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes as Donghae kissed his lips.
--
“Wow!! You looked so dashing, Kuixian!!” Zhou Mi exclaimed as he clapped his hands together, his eyes shining as he scanned Kyuhyun; dressed in white suit and his hair was styled perfectly, showing off his model-like features.
Kyuhyun smiled, “Thanks, gege.”
“What do you think?” Mrs. Cho asked Donghae, nudging the male playfully. She chuckled seeing Donghae gaping at her son, and she swears she saw the male was drooling.
“Donghae-ssi, you’re drooling!” Ahra exclaimed while giggling and the others laughed seeing Donghae quickly shut his mouth and wiped the corner of his lips, his face reddened in embarrassment.
“So, what do you think?” Mrs. Cho asked again and Donghae gulped as he stared at Kyuhyun again. His eyes scanned every inch of his lover’s lean body and the only word he could say was,
“Beautiful.”
The others whistled and ooohhhh-ed at the compliment and Kyuhyun’s face went darker shade of red upon hearing the statement, “I’m not a girl, shut up.”
“But you are beautiful! You don’t need to be a girl to be beautiful!” Donghae said, pouting.
“Yeah, like Xiche,” Zhou Mi added and Ahra tilted her head in confusion, “Xi…Che? Who’s that?”
“Heechul hyung,” Kyuhyun answered while smacking the back of Zhou Mi’s head. The older male winced in pain and pouted, “That hurts, Kuixian.” The younger male huffed and crossed his arms, “Whatever.”
Donghae smiled as he walked towards the pouting Kyuhyun. He turned the maknae around and cupped his face before kissing his forehead, cheeks, nose, chin and ended on his bow-shaped lips.
“You’re beautiful, thank you for being with me.”
“Okay guys!! Some things need to be kept as secrets okay?” Zhou Mi said, closing his and Ahra’s eyes while Mrs. Cho and Mrs. Lee only smiled fondly at the two of them. Kyuhyun glared at the Chinese male before he kissed Donghae briefly, “You’re a cheesy bastard, but I love you anyway.”
And he quickly went to the changing room before he could hear Donghae’s reply because of embarrassment.
Really, I can’t believe I said that in front of them!
Kyuhyun thought grumpily as he pulled the shirt down and fixed his ruffled hair briefly. His phone suddenly rang and when he was about to answer after seeing the caller ID, he heard a shriek coming from Mrs. Lee and his mother.
“What’s wrong!?” he asked in alarm and his eyes widened seeing Donghae on the floor, unconscious.
And the call from Donghae’s doctor was left unanswered as he dashed towards his lover.
--
Kyuhyun cried as the memory hit him straight into his mind, to his heart. Donghae was still there, looking real in front of him.
But that’s the problem. He looked real, but he’s not.
“I’m sorry, Kyuhyun,” Donghae said softly as he rested his forehead on Kyuhyun’s and Kyuhyun tried to close his eyes so that he couldn’t see the lights that were starting to form around Donghae, his friend, his love, his life.
His everything.
--
“Donghae, Donghae, DONGHAE!!”
Kyuhyun was screaming as tears rolled down his cheeks. He was running along the doctors and nurses who were pushing the stretcher that the unconscious Donghae was on. Mrs. Lee and his mother were behind, jogging along but they were not as fast as them. Zhou Mi was somewhere with Ahra, calling their friends, maybe, Kyuhyun didn’t know.
He didn’t care.
“Donghae, please… Please open your eyes!! Please open your eyes fuck dammit!!”
But Donghae didn’t response even the slightest bit.
--
“I’m sorry,” Donghae repeated and Kyuhyun closed his eyes even tighter when he felt the lights were getting brighter, so bright, too bright that he could see them from his closed eyes. He ignored how the hands that were cupping his cheeks were getting softer and softer that it almost felt like they were disappearing.
Wait, they were disappearing.
Kyuhyun’s eyes shot opened and his eyes widened with fear when Donghae was getting transparent.
Literally.
“I’m sorry…” The doctor said, grief and disappointment scrawled all over his face.
“Donghae hyung…” Kyuhyun wanted to say, but the word was stuck in his throat.
“We tried everything…”
Donghae smiled, one last time before the lights engulfed him fully, his last words rang in Kyuhyun’s ears as he vanished into thin air.
“Be happy, Kyuhyun-ah… He loves you, maybe not as much as I do,” a chuckle, “But he loves you enough to make you happy for the rest of your life.”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes slowly before he opened them again and he saw the male who was going to marry him, his soon-to-be husband, the one who loves him so much, stretching his hand out, a soft smile graced his handsome face and Kyuhyun wiped his tears after Jungsu kissed his cheek and handed him to the other male. Kyuhyun smiled softly as he took the awaiting hand.
“Sungmin hyung.”
--
After Donghae’s funeral, Kyuhyun had completely isolated himself from the rest of the world (the world didn’t matter to him anymore because Donghae, his friend, his love, his life, his everything was gone.) He had cried his eyes (and heart) out as he watched Donghae (pale face, bluish lips, closed eyes, no more soft smiles, no more comforting eyes, no more cheery ‘Kyuhyunnie~!) dressed handsomely in black suit, his hands were placed together on his stomach and flowers and letters adorned his side and hands, laid inside a coffin like he was sleeping on the bed he shared with Kyuhyun in their little comfy apartment.
But Donghae is sleeping, forever. And never wake up.
He was hugged tightly by Sungmin when he cried as the coffin was lowered slowly into the ground, a moment later, fresh soil was used to bury the coffin, separating the dead from the beloved alive ones completely.
Kyuhyun turned his eyes from the picture of him and Donghae he was holding to the door when he heard soft knocks coming. He knew it must be one of his hyungs, or maybe Changmin or Henry or his mom or Ahra or Mrs. Lee because his mom had the keys to the apartment he shared with Donghae and they must’ve gotten it from her.
But, he didn’t want to answer them, he didn’t want to meet them. He was so broken-hearted that he felt like nothing in this world could mend his broken heart.
“Kyuhyun, open up… It’s me,” he heard Sungmin’s voice and he cried softly, fingers caressing the Donghae’s smiling picture.
“Please, Kyuhyun-ah…. I’m begging you, please let me in….” he heard Sungmin sniffed, “Donghae is my friend too… Please don’t think you’re alone in this. You have so many people around you, who love you.”
There’s a pause before Sungmin continued, “You have me…”
Kyuhyun stared at the door, eyes still teary. He didn’t know why he opened the door but he did and now he was staring at the older male with red, puffy and confused eyes.
“I love you, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin confessed and Kyuhyun’s heart ached at how familiar Sungmin look like Donghae. Soft smile, anticipating and hopeful eyes that filled with love that is just for Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun alone.
“Hyung… But… Donghae hyung…”
“I know, Kyuhyun. I’m not telling you to answer now. I… I have loved you from the first day we met, but Donghae… He loves you so much that I didn’t have the heart to take you from him and you love him as much as he loves you,” Sungmin chuckled, “You guys looked so perfect together and I’m happy for you, I do.”
“Hyung…”
Sungmin shook his head, “I’m not replacing Donghae, Kyuhyun-ah. And I’m not trying to take his place in your heart because I know I could never do that. But… At least, I hope you will let me love you and take care of you. Maybe I’m not as good as Donghae, but I want to take care of you and I want to make you happy…” He took a step forward and softly stroke Kyuhyun’s tear-stained cheek.
He wiped the tears and cupped Kyuhyun’s face with both of his hands, “It’s okay if you didn’t love me like you love Donghae, but I hope you can marry me and let me make you happy.”
--
“Will you, Lee Sungmin, take Cho Kyuhyun as your husband and love him, take care of him and be with him through hard and good times, when he’s healthy and sick, when he’s happy and sad forever?”
Sungmin nodded, wiping the tears from Kyuhyun’s cheeks, “I do.”
“And you, Cho Kyuhyun. Will you take Lee Sungmin as your husband and love him, take care of him and be with him through hard and good times, when he’s healthy and sick, when he’s happy and sad forever?”
Kyuhyun bit his lips and looked at his hyungs, Changmin, Henry, his mother, Ahra and lastly, Mrs. Lee.
--
It was hard for Kyuhyun to choose. His mother had told him to accept Sungmin, ‘At least he loves you, dear,’ but the thought of betraying Donghae won’t leave his mind.
It had been two weeks after Donghae’s death and Kyuhyun was still holding on the memories he shared with Donghae to live. It was unhealthy, because he would cry almost every night or maybe worked too hard so that he can distract his mind from his too empty apartment and too cold bed.
His friends had also encouraged him to accept Sungmin because they couldn’t handle seeing Kyuhyun in and out the hospital because of his lack of sleep and eat, except for Zhou Mi.
“You can’t! How could you betray Donghai like that!?” the older Chinese male had said, with Henry holding his arms tight, trying to calm him down.
Heechul, whose lips bloodied from the punch Zhou Mi threw at him, glared at the Chinese male, “What the fuck are your problem!? Are you saying we should let Kyuhyun stay miserable like this?”
Kyuhyun was behind Heechul, biting his lips as his eyes darted on the ground. Changmin was beside him, rubbing comforting circles on his back while saying ‘it’s okay, Kyuhyun, it’s okay’ while sniffing. Yunho was holding Heechul, preventing the male from punching Zhou Mi.
Zhou Mi went silence as he didn’t know what to say, “But…” He lets out a shuddering breath and fell on his knees, crying.
Heechul calmed down upon seeing his friend cried, “Look, I love Donghae too, okay? You think I’m not sad that he’s-” He licked his lips, “…But now, our priority is Kyuhyun. Who do you think would be the most broken one right now?”
Zhou Mi looked up, his teary eyes met Kyuhyun’s swollen ones. Kuixian had been crying so much, he thought and he cursed himself for being a selfish bastard. He slowly stood up and went to Sungmin. He stopped a few feet away from the smaller older male, “You promise you’ll take care of him?”
Sungmin took a deep breath before he nodded confidently, “I promise. But, I’m not going to force Kyuhyun into this. It’s all up to him,” he looked at the younger one, so did Zhou Mi.
Zhou Mi then slowly walked towards Kyuhyun and he quickly pulled the younger male into his arms, hugging him tightly, “Oh, Kuixian…” He started as he cried, “My dongsaeng, my lovely dongsaeng. I’m so sorry…. I’m sorry… Please be happy…”
--
Mrs. Lee who caught his eyes, smiled softly and Kyuhyun’s heart skipped a beat to see how she looked a lot like Donghae. Her eyes, her smile, her features, just like him, just like Donghae. She nodded at him and mouthed out an ‘It’s okay.’
Kyuhyun smiled back and turned his head towards Sungmin. He took a deep breath and smiled when he heard Donghae’s voice whispering in his ears, ”Be happy, for me.”
“I do.”
And they kissed.
And when Kyuhyun opened his eyes, he saw Donghae; with soft smile and comforting eyes and this time, he smiled back, tears filled his eyes to the brim.
Thank you, for being the most wonderful thing in my life, Lee Donghae. 사랑해.
--
“Hey, Kyuhyun.”
“Hmm?”
“If I die, I’ll be the brightest star and watch over you, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Hey, Donghae hyung.”
“Yeah?”
“After we both die, I’ll find you and we’ll be together again, okay?”
“Hahaha, okay Kyu. I’ll wait for you. No matter how long it takes.”