All nighters get you thinking.
Well, it's 5:40. I pulled my 2nd all nighter in a row. Well I have been on the computer for a bit. And no not the whole time. Me and Amanda have been doing other stuff. Anywho. I have been bored, so I was just randomly looking up stuff online. And for some reason I keep running into the same thing. Earlier Amanda looked at my photo album. I checked my mail and I came across a picture someone took from Homecoming. I checked out one of my churches websites. Then it had a link to Aquire the Fire that I went to. All four things lead to one thing. Can you guess who it is? .......... Well now I can't get him out of my mind. It took a while, but I had pushed almost all thought of him out of my head. I, for the most part, got over him. Now I am not too sure if I really did or not. Maybe I was in denial. I miss him so much. My time with him are probably my most missed memory. I agree with that saying though; It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Even with the heartache. I guess it was worth it. Though he hurt me and took part of my heart with him, I still love him. Yes, i still love him. With ALL my heart, well no, 1/3 of my heart now. But even still. It's still love. I know you probably don't care about all of this. But I don't care. This will always be something that saddens me. Everyday. Every time I think of: Homecoming, Red Robins, Aquire the Fire, the Kmart and Family Christian in Plymouth, peeps, my I love Jesus Hat, American Eagle, Valentines (it's his birthday too), Christmas Eve, JUST FLIPPING EVERYTHING!!! Oh, And I just want all to know that I flipping Can't Stand ASHLEY JAZZNIKKI, or however you spell her stupid name. GRRRRR. If Paul wants her, he can have her, her and her non Christian self. Yeah, that's better than me?!?!? Gosh. Now I'm mad. Mad at life, mad and moving and leaving him and church behind, mad at not being good enough, and for not being Christian enough, mad at not being as good looking as Ashley, just mad at LIFE!!!!!!!! Gosh, now I'm starting to cry! I'm leaving........................................