dear david,

[imaclubkid]

you hitting me opened my eyes, and i thank you. i love looking at my copies of that restraining order. everytime i regret putting you in jail, i look at the bruise and the paper and i am no longer scared to live.
this is for you:

i have to block out thoughts of you,
so i don't loose my head.
they crawl in like a cockroach
leaving babies in my head
dropping little reels of tape to remind me that i'm alone,
playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home.

there's a burning in my pride,
a nervous bleeding in my brain,
an ounce of peace is all i want for you,
will you never call again?
and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
and will you never try to reach me, it is i that wanted this?

in a sick way i want to thank you
for holding my head up late at night
while i was busy waging wars on myself,
you were trying to stop the fight.
you never doubted my warped opinoins on things like suicidal hate
you made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
so i'll drive so fucking far away that i'll never cross your mind
and do whatever it takes in my heart to leave you behind.

and with my sad hard eyes i say bye to you and wave;
kicking shadows on the street
for every mistake that i have made,
and like a baby girl I never was a woman..

until you saw my brown eyes cry
and you held my face in you hand
and then i found out i can't make it go away,

just make it stop, come back and shine
just like it used to be,
and then i whispered "how the fuck could you did this to me?"

hate me today,
hate me tomorrow,
hate me for all the things i "didn't" do for you.
hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow,
hate me so you can finally see whats "good for you"