And its ok to be a little risky, forget work it's all play at the end of the day
I work damn hard to be impressive, and I don't even know why. I think I'm trying to impress myself more than anything. I'm not saying that people aren't impressed, they are. Dr. Walker was telling my adviser the other day how awesome I'm doing working in the lab. Got into the honors society. Alexa tells me all the time that I'm a shoe-in for grad school. It feels good. I need pretty much need constant reinforcement. It's hard for me to be satisfied with a job well done, unless someone is telling me about it. It's terrible, but true.
I've got research lab work every morning, full time classes, Girl Scouts, Americorps and working at the library. Not to mention homework time. And oh! The things I have to look forward too: studying for and taking the GREs, applying to grad school (hopefully abroad), and trying to find a place to live are among the most fun.
Sometimes I miss those days when I was a screw up. It was fun. I don't think I really know anymore what fun is. I have it sometimes, it's just not the crazy reckless abandon that it used to be. I just don't know if I could be a slacker anymore, I'm addicted to praise I guess.
The only problem with working so stupidly hard is that I'm killing myself. I keep getting colds that get worse instead of better because I don't have time to sleep or eat well. I do retarded crap like fall on ice and kill myself trying to keep working instead of taking it easy. The things I will do, it's insane. When I occasionally get time for fun, I feel guilty, like I should be working or doing something productive. This is the stupidest part of all, because at the same time I know I fucking deserve it!
Strangely enough, I wouldn't give up killing myself. I need the recognition. I swear, this is probably a disease of some kind.
I've got research lab work every morning, full time classes, Girl Scouts, Americorps and working at the library. Not to mention homework time. And oh! The things I have to look forward too: studying for and taking the GREs, applying to grad school (hopefully abroad), and trying to find a place to live are among the most fun.
Sometimes I miss those days when I was a screw up. It was fun. I don't think I really know anymore what fun is. I have it sometimes, it's just not the crazy reckless abandon that it used to be. I just don't know if I could be a slacker anymore, I'm addicted to praise I guess.
The only problem with working so stupidly hard is that I'm killing myself. I keep getting colds that get worse instead of better because I don't have time to sleep or eat well. I do retarded crap like fall on ice and kill myself trying to keep working instead of taking it easy. The things I will do, it's insane. When I occasionally get time for fun, I feel guilty, like I should be working or doing something productive. This is the stupidest part of all, because at the same time I know I fucking deserve it!
Strangely enough, I wouldn't give up killing myself. I need the recognition. I swear, this is probably a disease of some kind.