(no subject)
&& i'm crying because she has to go back to renfrew, and i don't. when i'm surviving on 500 calories a day and feel more sick mentally than ever. hating myself more than ever in my life. && no one cares. && no one notices. && no one even thinks twice about how i'm feeling, just as long as i'm still 104 pounds all is lovely, right? right? i thought it wasn't about the fucking weight. but dear god, that is all it is fucking about.
today at the doctors, "you lost weight, but you're still in the zone."
"your urine says that you did not have lunch today."
too bad i haven't had lunch for the past 6 weeks!
it doesn't matter that night after night i sit with my collected pills in front of me wondering if it's the right time. no, none of that even matters.
but i'm fine. life is oh so wonderful.
today at the doctors, "you lost weight, but you're still in the zone."
"your urine says that you did not have lunch today."
too bad i haven't had lunch for the past 6 weeks!
it doesn't matter that night after night i sit with my collected pills in front of me wondering if it's the right time. no, none of that even matters.
but i'm fine. life is oh so wonderful.