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[im_facing_up]

hey LiveJournal Land. ahh. this shit is all about drama. I mean honestly, what do you guys care about my life...other than to spread gossip and be pissed about me about something i put in it? Ahh, who cares. So I shall begin. I no longer have a child. Why's this you ask? The mother, who will remain un-named (because I am not immature to the point

Comments

[autumn_2_ashes]

Ok so yes i don't have online anymore so it's been a while since i've read your livejournal, my sister said i should come on and read this. So the point is that i'm going to voice my thoughts and even give you a little advice because i'm good like that. Joshua darlin i DO NOT want you, i don't even want you in my life. I understand that you are Lucas's father but he has a dad one that has been there from the start one that loves him cares for him and would give up anything for him he doesn't need you in his life he has two great parents and is well takin care of and loved what more does he need? And hun you can sit online blaming all your problems on me but that isn't going to get you anywhere, admitting that it's your fault you can't see your son and that it's your drug problems that you can't see your son and fixing the problem will enable you to see Lucas but sitting around continueing to do drugs and bitching about me is just pointless. So grow up admit you have many problems and fix them for the sake of your son because untill then you will never see him. Oh yeah and you keep saying that your taking parenting classes like you should get a father of the fucking year award or something let me just say this you could take a thousand parenting classes and they will never be able to teach you how to love your child and no matter how many classes you take it's not going to make any difference if your on all kinds of drugs. Sorry but if you have any kind of feelings for Lucas you would just saty away and realize that anyone is better off with out you as a father.

[im_facing_up]

Listen man, you are getting out of hand with this. I didn't mean to start shit at all, and you're taking it to that. But I am not gonna let it get to that. I am going to continue to tell things how they are without lieing about anything or overexaggerating. ...You say that Lucas has a father that has been there since the start. Well Ashley, you never gave me a chance to be that father. You LIED TO ME and told me that the child wasn't mine. It doesn't matter who's sake it was for; you lied to me about offspring that is mine. Maybe if you would have told me when you were pregnant that Lucas was mine, then I would've been given time to actually make a change. But no, you wait until a month after he is born to tell me, not giving me any time to turn my shit around. Just expecting me to take to all of this as if it was normal after being lied to and made sure that Lucas wasn't mine for ten months. And oh yeah, Ashley I am not blaming any of my problems on you. This is how it is, because you seem to have a misconstrued view of it all. I have a livejournal. I get on the livejournal to state how I am and the events that are currently taking place in my life. That's why it's a journal. I am not trying to change your opinion of me, but in the meantime I was just hoping that you'd see the situation as I do. But you don't. You just think that I am wrong about everything, and think that it's okay for you to wait until a month after Lucas's birth to even alert me after swearing to god on your life that he wasn't mine, and making all of these very elaborated stories as to why he's not mine. But you didn't give me a chance to change during your pregnancy. Oh, and you say drug problems. I am in a drug program that councils me and puts me on the right track. I'm sure I would be even more on the right track, enough to your liking, if I would've been aware that I have a child. But you want me to automatically be perfect after informing me that i was bullshitted for 10 months. You made me so sure that Lucas wasn't mine to where I never even gave it a second thought as to him being mine, and me having to take care of him. I am doing my best, and I have been since you told me, but it takes time. If you would've even sat down to talk to me, you would realize how much I have changed for the better, and how quick as opposed to the way I was before. My life changed instantly, with the news of me having a child...but before I even got time to have it settle in and realize what I was gonna do with my life and how I was gonna do it, Lucas was gone. I just wanted a chance, and I didn't want to have to go through the court system, but apparently that's the way you want it. I think the biggest mistake we made though was trying to get back together for that period of time, because that's what I think messed everything up. Yeah I know we were gonna try to be 'together' for Lucas, but I think we would have been better off not giving it a shot; because I think that as friends, we would have been able to understand and cooperate with eachother alot better. I think that would have been the better alternative for Lucas rather than us being together, because that's alot of drama and stress that Lucas doesn't need. But ashley, I am going to say this to you. I have had time to reflect on the recent events, and everything pertaining to this matter. I want you to understand that I have had time to change, and format myself into this new enviornment. Yes, it was hard, but it's worth it. I just think, Ashley, that I deserve ONE legitimate chance, despite what everyone says, just so I can prove to you. Not being in a relationship, or together for Lucas, but on mutual terms, so we can actually talk about these things and come to some sort of agreement, even if it does have to go to court. All I ask for is a chance. One chance.

[autumn_2_ashes]

Sorry Josh but your wasting your time, do you think i had a time to change before Lucas came into my life? No i didn't i took a test and there he was i didn't have a few months to stop drinking and smoking pot i didnt have a few months to get my life in order he was just there and at that second i had to change every thing about me, my life, and my decisions...why should you get time? Because your a guy? Because your Josh? Because you didn't have to carry him for 9 months? And you know it's funny because all of these things you have said about how you've changed i believe i've heard them all from you before yeah and what happened with the Josh? You show up at Jessicas on "e"? Yeah that's really changing. Anyway you can take me to court and you can fight all you want but the bottom line is that even if you visit with him for a couple hours a week you wont be his dad a dad is there all the time a dad loves his child a dad plays and is there when he has a bad dream and is there when he is sick...you will never be and eventually Lucas will realize what kind of a person you are and figure out on his own that all you know how to do is lie, manpulate and cheat people. Sorry but this whole "woo is me" bullshit isn't going to get you any where or any closer to seeing your son.