yada yada yada....
My Christmas morning...
Michelle Branch is in my CD player.
I woke up with my contacts still in. So much for starting this day on a happy note. I can still taste the beer from last night and look for my smokes. I had a pack of Marlboro 27s, but they are nowhere in site. Okay. Now I am pissed. The house smells something awful like something has been dead for days, and nobody made coffee. I throw the Christmas CD I made in the pc and put on my coat. I walk outside with my sight still fucked up from sleeping with my contacts in, and if you don't know what that is like, it's like having your eyes rubbed with sandpaper and milk poured on them too cool them off.
I have a pair of needle nose pliers in my back pocket, just in case I have to stab the clerk at 7-11 for asking me for an ID on this festive day. I can feel my hangover put me in the mood. I replay the scene in my head: Helicopters circling and police cars everywhere. Channel 4 is there to cover the story about some guy who is pissed cause he didn't have a valid ID. But the lady is cool and I still have my shades on when she gives me the pack of smokes. I wish her a Merry Christmas even though she has to work. We have a good laugh and I walk out the door. She is hungover too, but I don't hear a word she is saying cause Michelle Branch is blowing out my eardrums.
I am being such a doofus, walking down the middle of the street making cars go around me. I wish them all a Merry Christmas by showing them my middle finger as they pass. I realize I left my lighter at home, so I cannot light one up yet. But that's ok.
I see two people selling roses on the corner. What the fuck are they doing? Don't they know it's Christmas? Time to give them shit. It's an Oriental couple. They have buckets upon buckets of roses and flowers, some half wilted, cause the sun is burning up even though it's 8 am. Fire is burning up my head with things I want to spew at them, but as I pass by, I wish them a Merry Christmas. She motions me to stop, so I do. She reaches into a box next to her and pulls out a bag of candy and gives it to me. I bow and continue walking down the middle of the street.
I finally get back home and my nephew is up. So I pick up a pole and rush at him. He flinches and I hug him and wish him a Happy Christmas. He says, "Dude." I hate that word, "Isn't it Merry?" I say yeah yeah yeah and correct myself. Like there is a difference. Happy Fucking Christmas everyone.
Michelle Branch is in my CD player.
I woke up with my contacts still in. So much for starting this day on a happy note. I can still taste the beer from last night and look for my smokes. I had a pack of Marlboro 27s, but they are nowhere in site. Okay. Now I am pissed. The house smells something awful like something has been dead for days, and nobody made coffee. I throw the Christmas CD I made in the pc and put on my coat. I walk outside with my sight still fucked up from sleeping with my contacts in, and if you don't know what that is like, it's like having your eyes rubbed with sandpaper and milk poured on them too cool them off.
I have a pair of needle nose pliers in my back pocket, just in case I have to stab the clerk at 7-11 for asking me for an ID on this festive day. I can feel my hangover put me in the mood. I replay the scene in my head: Helicopters circling and police cars everywhere. Channel 4 is there to cover the story about some guy who is pissed cause he didn't have a valid ID. But the lady is cool and I still have my shades on when she gives me the pack of smokes. I wish her a Merry Christmas even though she has to work. We have a good laugh and I walk out the door. She is hungover too, but I don't hear a word she is saying cause Michelle Branch is blowing out my eardrums.
I am being such a doofus, walking down the middle of the street making cars go around me. I wish them all a Merry Christmas by showing them my middle finger as they pass. I realize I left my lighter at home, so I cannot light one up yet. But that's ok.
I see two people selling roses on the corner. What the fuck are they doing? Don't they know it's Christmas? Time to give them shit. It's an Oriental couple. They have buckets upon buckets of roses and flowers, some half wilted, cause the sun is burning up even though it's 8 am. Fire is burning up my head with things I want to spew at them, but as I pass by, I wish them a Merry Christmas. She motions me to stop, so I do. She reaches into a box next to her and pulls out a bag of candy and gives it to me. I bow and continue walking down the middle of the street.
I finally get back home and my nephew is up. So I pick up a pole and rush at him. He flinches and I hug him and wish him a Happy Christmas. He says, "Dude." I hate that word, "Isn't it Merry?" I say yeah yeah yeah and correct myself. Like there is a difference. Happy Fucking Christmas everyone.