(no subject)
Well I haven't really sat here and written a real update in a while. The last month has pretty much been about my grandma and even those have been far between (roughly once a week). So now I sit and reflect at what has happened in the past month and I realize a lot has changed...but all probably for the better in the end.
As everyone by now I'm sure knows I lost my grandma, pretty much it was 30 days ago...30 days ago she went into the hospital with the diagnosis of a Urinary Tract infection and pre-leukemia, 28 days ago we were told that she was never going to come home from the hospital so we went and saw her, 27, 26, 25, 24 days ago as well....23 days ago was the last time i went to Beaumont Hospital and the last time my grandma was alive. It's almost been a month and I've been doing alright, I've decided that I'm not going back into depression and this is my normal way of grieving. My grandma thus far has been the closest person to me that has died and therefore the hardest thing for me to go through. I thank God for he life and my family around me and those friends that HAVE been their for me, I know that some have left me and well that's another paragraph.
Friends...well they come and go, that's why God created family that stays forever. One friend who i thought was their for me I have realized isn't. I made a mistake I appologized and this friend said that they forgave me but apparently they didn't. Oh well such is life I've moved on they need to as well and either actually forgive me or grow up and move on rather than being hostile. I already know that my true friends will be the ones sticking by me even when I make mistakes, they will stick it out and we'll move on, as I will with them. Friends are more than outward appearances and go deeper than foolish words said or said without supporting evidence or with lack of knowledge. I realized I made a mistake and have done what i can the ball is now in their hands and I can't control that...only time will tell I guess.
Family, well what can i say we've been their for each other and have had some tough times lately. I have definately realized the closeness of the extended family, and how large it really is. I am making a family tree from my great grandparents down, and already I have 100+ people included in it, with pleanty more to add! Family Reunion in the summer...heck yea i'm excited! Definatly have to be thankful that my 2nd cousin Danny was at my grandma's funeral, he comforted me when i was trying to comfort my grandpa. We had my grandpa sitting infront of my grandma's casket, which i'm not sure was the best thing but anyways when people would come to pay their last respects to my grandma they would have to tell my grandpa who exactly he was saying Hi to because he can hardly see. So they would tell them who they were and that they were so sorry to hear about my grandpa's loss. I saw tears in my grandpa's eyes when they told him this and I just couldn't let my grandpa sit their alone so I stood behind him comforting him by rubbing his shoulders and giving him little kisses on his head just so he knew someone was their, of coarse I told him it was me but still. Well when i was comforting him I was also crying because here my grandpa just lost his wife and I've never ever seen my grandpa cry and now I've seen him cry more than i care to say. So Danny didn't take me away from my grandpa but came and hugged me and just let me cry into him. It was so nice because he knew that it was hard on me and instead of ignoring me or something he approached me and did what i needed most and hugged me.
Okay well i have to end this now....i'm having a hard time breathing cuz i'm crying so much right now....but other than that school has been going okay and so has work. I have a little boy with down syndrome in one of my classes at work and I love teaching his class the most because of him. Downs kids are soooo affectionate people and I love it!
As everyone by now I'm sure knows I lost my grandma, pretty much it was 30 days ago...30 days ago she went into the hospital with the diagnosis of a Urinary Tract infection and pre-leukemia, 28 days ago we were told that she was never going to come home from the hospital so we went and saw her, 27, 26, 25, 24 days ago as well....23 days ago was the last time i went to Beaumont Hospital and the last time my grandma was alive. It's almost been a month and I've been doing alright, I've decided that I'm not going back into depression and this is my normal way of grieving. My grandma thus far has been the closest person to me that has died and therefore the hardest thing for me to go through. I thank God for he life and my family around me and those friends that HAVE been their for me, I know that some have left me and well that's another paragraph.
Friends...well they come and go, that's why God created family that stays forever. One friend who i thought was their for me I have realized isn't. I made a mistake I appologized and this friend said that they forgave me but apparently they didn't. Oh well such is life I've moved on they need to as well and either actually forgive me or grow up and move on rather than being hostile. I already know that my true friends will be the ones sticking by me even when I make mistakes, they will stick it out and we'll move on, as I will with them. Friends are more than outward appearances and go deeper than foolish words said or said without supporting evidence or with lack of knowledge. I realized I made a mistake and have done what i can the ball is now in their hands and I can't control that...only time will tell I guess.
Family, well what can i say we've been their for each other and have had some tough times lately. I have definately realized the closeness of the extended family, and how large it really is. I am making a family tree from my great grandparents down, and already I have 100+ people included in it, with pleanty more to add! Family Reunion in the summer...heck yea i'm excited! Definatly have to be thankful that my 2nd cousin Danny was at my grandma's funeral, he comforted me when i was trying to comfort my grandpa. We had my grandpa sitting infront of my grandma's casket, which i'm not sure was the best thing but anyways when people would come to pay their last respects to my grandma they would have to tell my grandpa who exactly he was saying Hi to because he can hardly see. So they would tell them who they were and that they were so sorry to hear about my grandpa's loss. I saw tears in my grandpa's eyes when they told him this and I just couldn't let my grandpa sit their alone so I stood behind him comforting him by rubbing his shoulders and giving him little kisses on his head just so he knew someone was their, of coarse I told him it was me but still. Well when i was comforting him I was also crying because here my grandpa just lost his wife and I've never ever seen my grandpa cry and now I've seen him cry more than i care to say. So Danny didn't take me away from my grandpa but came and hugged me and just let me cry into him. It was so nice because he knew that it was hard on me and instead of ignoring me or something he approached me and did what i needed most and hugged me.
Okay well i have to end this now....i'm having a hard time breathing cuz i'm crying so much right now....but other than that school has been going okay and so has work. I have a little boy with down syndrome in one of my classes at work and I love teaching his class the most because of him. Downs kids are soooo affectionate people and I love it!