(no subject)
We made it 5 months, almost not much past that. last night i found a letter from bryan to this girl i know. he wrote it during the wrestling season. we were together at that point. it said how she was pretty, smart, caring, and that she was always herself. he said thats everything he likes in a girl. he said he was into her and wanted her to give him a chance. we were going out. he called me after work, i told him we needed to talk. he came over and i showed him the letter. he crumbled it up and ran out the door, went on a walk and tore up his shirt, scratched up his arms with some sharp object. he cried for an hour over his fuck up. i cried longer last night. it was his 4th strike, the 4th time he made me cry. we talked a lot tongiht about everything. he calims he wrote it before we were going out. i have never seen him cry like that. his tears dripped on my face. every cut he made hurt me 10 times more. i couldnt let him go. he almost lost me. i have put up with him dumping me, bruising me, and denying any feelings for me for the past 5 years yet we are still together.
he keeps telling me i am his world, his everything. that he would die for me. that i deserve better. that he believes we are meant to be together. that if we break up he will disappear. that without me he has nothing to live for.
why do we always make up? i hope i made the right choice otherwise i will eventually fall really hard. i think i did last night. i read that letter a million times. i never got one of those letters. maybe i am not those things he said in that letter. what am i doing? i do love bryan extremely much. i know he can be an asshole and is good at screwing things up. but i still love him. i fucking love him, but where there is love there is heartache. this is only high school who knows what will happen.
just hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay...
he keeps telling me i am his world, his everything. that he would die for me. that i deserve better. that he believes we are meant to be together. that if we break up he will disappear. that without me he has nothing to live for.
why do we always make up? i hope i made the right choice otherwise i will eventually fall really hard. i think i did last night. i read that letter a million times. i never got one of those letters. maybe i am not those things he said in that letter. what am i doing? i do love bryan extremely much. i know he can be an asshole and is good at screwing things up. but i still love him. i fucking love him, but where there is love there is heartache. this is only high school who knows what will happen.
just hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay...