{Fanfic} Lovefool - Part II
Title: Lovefool
Author: ilusmbb
Warnings: Homosexual themes, somewhat explicit, a bit of swearing
Rating: R/NC-17.
Pairing: YooMin (brief mention of JaeHo)
Genre: Romance, smut, and pointless waff.
Summary: Yoochun tends to be a bit of a fool when it comes to love.
Part Two of Two
This is dedicated to two of my loves,
machine_of_july for being a bitch and demanding it from me, and
yaoi_hoshi for being an amazing beta and making sure this got written.
Anything that still sucks here is entirely my fault.
Jewell, you asked for romance and sweet love, and I'm afraid I have failed you miserably, but I hope you enjoy this anyway. ♥ You're amazing, bb. now where's my fanart?!
And, Hoshi, a million thanks to you for putting up with all of my bitching and moaning and being there for me to bounce ideas off of. ♥~
It's been almost a week, and Yoochun has scarcely been out of the music room, spending all of his free time - as little as there is - locked away in there, drinking coffee and composing sappy love songs about unattainable love and broken hearts. The wailing strains of depressing piano pieces decides it for Jaejoong, and he figures it's time for an intervention, which comes by way of a hot cup of coffee and a bowl of homemade dak jorim. He kicks lightly at the door to the music room - Yoochun's personal black hole - and balances the food in his hands, trying not to spill anything. The music comes to an abrupt stop and Jaejoong hears the shuffling of papers and the scuffling of feet before the door cracks open and Yoochun blinks at him questioningly.
“Wow. You are alive.” Jaejoong says dryly, nudging the door open with his bare feet and raising the meal up in offering.
Yoochun hesitates a moment before his stomach growls and he shoots his best friend a sheepish smile, stepping aside for him to enter the room.
“Thanks, hyung. I've been...composing.”
“No, really?” Jaejoong asks sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “I'm pretty sure we've all figured that out by now.” He sets the mug of coffee down on Yoochun's desk and presses the bowl into his hand. “Eat.” he commands, pulling utensils out of his back pocket and presenting them to the younger boy.
“Thanks,” Yoochun says again, taking the proffered silverware and starting to eat. “You haven't cooked anything at home in a while.”
“I know. We've been busy.”
Yoochun makes a sound of agreement, “It's nice to have a little more time to ourselves.”
They fall into companionable silence, Jaejoong watching Yoochun eat and wondering how the hell to bring up the younger man's emo behavior and his feelings for Changmin.
“Come on,” he says when Yoochun sets the bowl down with a satisfied sigh and sips the last of his coffee. “You need some fresh air.”
Jaejoong leads the younger male out to the connected balcony, closing the sliding glass door behind them and leaning against the rail.
Yoochun watches Jaejoong hang over the edge, grinning and flailing his arms for a moment, and is amused by the older man's momentary childishness.
He settles for propping his elbows up on the ledge and resting his chin in the palm of his hand, gazing out into the night - it’s pitch dark outside but for the lights of neighboring buildings and streetlights, and the sun hasn't been down an hour yet.
“Here,” Jaejoong straightens and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a packet of Clove cigarettes and offering it to Yoochun.
The younger male chuckles softly, “So much for fresh air, hm?” but he takes one anyway.
Jaejoong's lips quirks upward on one side, causing his dimple to appear, and he lights the end of Yoochun's cigarette carefully with a small gold lighter.
“Yoochunnie-ah...” Jaejoong pauses, placing one of the Cloves between his own full lips and lighting it, “when the hell are you going to tell Changmin that you're in love with him?”
It takes a second for the older singer's words to register, but when they do Yoochun starts, inhaling too quickly and coughing on the smoke in his lungs. Jaejoong watches him carefully, tongue flicking out to taste the bitter end of his Clove, and waits for the coughing fit to stop.
“When am I what?!” Yoochun gasps, face red and eyes watering.
“Going to tell Changmin that you're head-over-heels, crazy in love with him.”
He shakes his head, backing away from the railing, “Not you too, Jaejoong. I can't do this.”
“Yes you can,” Jaejoong's hand shoots out and grasps at Yoochun's elbow, softly tugging him back to his side.
“Stay and talk to me, Chunnie. Tell me what's going on.”
“It's nothing, Jaejoong,”
“Liar. It is something, or you wouldn't have locked yourself in that stupid room all week.”
“I was composing - “
“I know, composing, because that's what you do when you're upset or hiding from something. So tell me, what are you thinking?”
“I'm thinking that Junsu has a big mouth, and this whole thing is stupid.”
“You're in love with him. That's not stupid. And if Junsu hadn't told me, you would have eventually. Or I would have beat it out of you.”
“I'm sure you would have,” Yoochun gives a short, dry snort of laughter, heaves a sigh, and decides that he does need to talk to his best friend about this.
“But, you're right. I'm in love with him. Have been for...for over a year now.”
“And you didn't tell me?!” Jaejoong bursts out, shocked and a little hurt. There isn't much of anything that Yoochun hides from him, and it stings that he has hidden something as important as this.
“I'm sorry, Jaejoongie, I just didn't know how to.” Yoochun offers weakly, taking another drag on his cigarette.
A sigh, “It's fine, I guess. But you love him. I don't see the problem here.”
“Jae...Changmin isn't interested in me - could never be interested in me. He - he doesn't like men, for one. And...and, I couldn't risk it, hyung.”
Jaejoong pauses a second to ponder Yoochun's words. Changmin is better than anyone at hiding his feelings, and he isn't surprised Yoochun hasn't figured out what the younger singer feels for him.
“What...what is it that you're so unwilling to risk, Chunnie?” he finally asks.
“Changmin. I couldn't stand it if our friendship dissolved because I have these stupid fucking feelings for him. They'll go away, eventually.”
Jaejoong snorts in disbelief, “Do you honestly believe that your feelings for him will just...go away?”
“No...but I don't know what else to do about them if I can't just ignore them. Which hasn't really been working, by the way.”
“I wouldn't expect them to. Not with you, Micky. When you love...you love whole-heartedly, like I do. Any feelings of love you have for him are here to stay. And Changmin wouldn't hate you for loving him. Even if he didn't return your feelings, he'd still be honored.”
“I know - Changmin isn't like that, he wouldn't hate me. But I'd lose what I already have with him. I can't handle loss, Jaejoongie, you know that. I just can't. You're right - I love him completely...have given him my whole heart, for better or for worse, and I'm too afraid of getting it broken.”
Jaejoong shakes his head, stubs out the rest of his cigarette and turns to lean his back against the railing, “You haven't, Chun. You haven't given him your whole heart if you haven't given him the chance to love you in return - or break it. And if for some reason Changmin is foolish enough to turn you away, you know I'll be here to hold you together while you cry. But it isn't fair to him for you to deny him the chance to do so. It isn't fair to Changmin that you love him so much, and he doesn't know. It...it's as if you've gone and created the most beautiful song in the world for him, and refuse to even sing it for him, refuse to let him know you ever wrote it, because you're afraid of his judgment of it. Or like you bought him an amazing gift, but you've hidden it away in the bottom of your underwear drawer and don't ever let him open it, don't give him the present. It's just plain fucking stupid.”
Yoochun listens as Jaejoong rambles on, -- reminds Yoochun of a train with no track and an endless source of steam -- and hesitantly admits to himself that his best friend might be right - might actually know what he's talking about. He should, he reckons. He's been in a relationship with Yunho for what seems like ages, even if the two of them haven't ever admitted to anything.
“--and goddammit, Yoochun, if you don't tell him that you're in love with him,” Jaejoong is saying now, one hand on his hip - something he picked up from Changmin, no doubt - and a scowl on his face, “then I'll just tell him that you're too much of a coward to actually do anything about your feelings and he might as well just forget the whole thing and move on, because obviously you aren't going to make a move or anything. And you know things would get messy then, and I'd make damn sure of it.”
Yoochun blinks at Jaejoong, something the older man said niggling at his brain, making him pause. “Wait, what?”
Jaejoong blinks back at Yoochun before his mouth makes a small “o” shape and he realizes what it is he's said.
Yoochun, unfortunately for him, hasn't quite figured out what it was that caused alarms to go off in his head, other than Jaejoong threatening to expose him.
“Nothing, Yoochun. Just do something about this before I kick your ass all the way back to Tokyo.”
“You said...what did you say, though?”
“I don't remember. And, anyway, that friendship that you're trying so hard to protect....it was gone,
Chunnie, as soon as you fell in love with him,” Jaejoong says, voice softening, and gaze sympathetic. “It's not an actual friendship if one of you doesn't think of the other as just a mere friend. Not really.”
Yoochun sighs heavily, brow furrowed and expression pained. “I just...I don't know, Jaejoong. I don't think I can do it.”
“You're going to get burned.”
“Oh, thanks, Joongie. Like telling me that I'm just going to end up hurt is supposed to encourage me to confess?”
“No, I meant literally--”
“Ow-- fuck!” Yoochun hissed when the cigarette he was holding burned his fingers. “Why the fuck doesn't this thing have a filter?”
“Because I like them better without. Now go put ice on that burn and think about what I said.”
~*~*~*~
It's been two days since his conversation with Jaejoong, and Yoochun has taken his friend's advice - he thought about what Jaejoong told him. It isn't fair not to tell Changmin - and what kind of coward is he, that he can't even let a friend know that he has feelings for him? These feelings, he knows, aren't going away, and dammit, even if Changmin crushes his heart and nuclear-punches him back to Bora Bora, at least he'll know he tried.
It takes the full two days for Yoochun to work up the courage to actually do what he has decided to do, and when he does approach Changmin, the other is sitting on the couch, long limbs sprawled over the entire piece of furniture, feet hanging off the armrest, and head resting on the other. He's reading something - manga, by the looks of it - and doesn't notice Yoochun enter the room.
“Min-ah,” Yoochun starts, tentatively. The words catch in his throat, and Changmin doesn't hear him - or ignores him. “Changmin-ah,” he tries again, this time louder, and Changmin turns around, narrows his eyes at the older man before sitting up.
He wonders what Yoochun wants - the idiot had been avoiding him like the plague for over a week now, and frankly, Changmin's a bit fed up - and hurt, but he won't admit to that - by YooChun's behavior. He fears that somehow his band mate figured out that Changmin has feelings for him and doesn't want him, as irrational as it seems.
“Yes?” his response is curt and there's a distinct lack of warmth in his voice.
Yoochun hesitates, bites his lip, takes a step backward, and thinks that maybe he really shouldn't go through with this, maybe this is a horrible idea, after all.
Changmin watches the emotions flit across Yoochun's features, watches the uncertainty in his eyes morph into fear and insecurity, and takes pity on him.
“Sorry, I didn't want to sound so mean. What's up?” he tries again, this time with a small smile playing over his crooked lips.
Yoochun clears his throat and straightens his shoulders, feeling as if he were going to throw up, or maybe pass out. But he has to do this - he has made up his mind, and he is going to tell Changmin how he feels, whether either of them liked it or not.
“It's okay. Sorry. Uhm. Actually, uh...well. Shit, maybe I can't do this after all. No, no. I can do this.
Uhm, Changmin? I...have something to tell you that you should know.” he clears his throat again, notices the expression on Changmin's face is a mixture of wary curiosity, confusion and concern, and has to choke back nervous laughter.
“So, basically, I have this thing - no, I mean, you are just so Changmin and that's - wait, no, what I'm trying to say is that in my heart--” the cheesy line from their Banjun drama runs through his head and Yoochun almost lets out a pathetic groan of frustration. Changmin has stood up by now, and is standing in front of him, so close Yoochun can feel the warmth radiating off him, can smell Changmin's shampoo.
“What is it, Yoochun?” there's a glint of hope in his eyes now - eyes dark as sin and wicked in the way they shine. Changmin's almost touching him now, raises a hand to feel Yoochun's forehead, and -- “Oh,fuck it!” Yoochun exclaims, decides actions speak louder than words, and his words aren't working right now anyway.
He grabs the taller man by the collar and drags him down for a bruising kiss. It's hard at first, teeth nipping at full lips and tongues dueling at one another. It isn't until Changmin groans into his mouth and tightens his grip around the older man's waist, fingers splaying to touch as much of him as possible, that Yoochun realizes Changmin has been kissing him back.
The kiss softens and becomes gentler, deepens, the two men taking the time to taste each other, to savor the feel of the other's mouth against his own. Changmin pulls a long, low groan from Yoochun's throat with his tongue, continues to kiss him with all of the love in his heart.
It's Yoochun who pulls back first, easing away with a succession of short, sweet kisses to Changmin's now-swollen lips.
“I love you.” Yoochun whispers, smile faltering uncertainly.
Changmin laughs now and leans in to kiss him again, his laughter spilling into Yoochun's greedy mouth. Laughter, Yoochun discovers, tastes like citrus sunshine and spun sugar and cotton candy clouds.
“I love you, you fool.” Changmin grins into the shorter man's neck, hot breath tickling the sensitive skin there. “I love you, so much.”
He presses small kisses into Yoochun's neck and up his jaw and his cheeks. He isn't at all surprised to find the salty taste of tears on his lips.
“I love you, Changmin,” Yoochun says again, because he can, “I love you.”
“Don't cry you idiot. So ugly when you cry.” Changmin breathes against smiling lips.
~*~*~*~
Changmin is reading again, but this time it's a spy thriller, and he's relaxing on Yoochun's bed - Jaejoong and Yunho have disappeared into the bedroom he shares with Junsu and the band leader, and Changmin is pretty damn sure none of them want him in there keeping them company.
It has been almost a month since Yoochun made his bumbling mess of a confession, and not much has changed - and yet everything has, at the same time. Their friendship is still there, just fuller now. It includes kisses and touches and laughter and intertwined fingers that hadn't been there before. Every spare moment was spent exchanging kisses and light touches that explored but never went any further, never brought about completion.
Changmin is interrupted in his reading when his boyfriend - a thrill of excitement still makes his heart skip a beat whenever he remembers that Yoochun is, in fact, his - cracks the door open and peeks his head through, a cheeky grin in place.
“Hey, babe~” Yoochun says affectionately, stepping into the room and closing the door softly behind him. He makes his way to the small bed - his bed, he notes - and sits down next to Changmin. “Go ahead and finish your book, I was just lonely.” He tangles his own bare feet with Changmin's almost without thinking about it.
Changmin shifts so that he is touching Yoochun from hip to knee, and beyond that he can't tell which shin or ankle belongs to who. Yoochun presses a gentle kiss to Changmin's lips, sighing softly before resting his head on the younger man's shoulders.
They stay like that for several moments, neither of them moving or talking - and Changmin is having difficulty focusing on his book, because concentrating on the feel of Yoochun pressed against him is so much more pleasant.
Yoochun's fingers start to wander their way up and down Changmin's thigh, leaving blazing trails of heat in their wake; when they start to brush across his inner thigh, Changmin's breath catches in his throat and his heart starts racing. He tries to ignore Yoochun's touch at first, but when the fingers slide up under the hem of his shirt and trail their way across his lower abdomen, teasing at the waistband of his basketball shorts, Changmin stops thinking and turns to the other man instead, pressing his lips hungrily to Yoochun's. Their kiss is fiery and slow, and Yoochun makes a low sound of desire in the back of his throat and deepens the kiss, his hand slipping lower into Min's shorts, fingers brushing against his stiffening length.
“Changmin-ah,” he breathes, his voice deep and smooth, “If you don't want this let me know, because I've been wanting to do this for so long, now.”
Changmin growls lightly, the sound coming across more pitiful and needy than he had intended, and tugs Yoochun over so the older man is straddling him, knees on either side of Changmin's thighs, and rolls his hips upward into Yoochun's touch. It's all the encouragement that's needed and Yoochun surges down for another kiss, lips and tongues and teeth clashing, and he knows they must look as if they are trying to devour each other, but he feels as if he is. He tries to drink in as much of Changmin as he can, aches for more of him, deepens the kiss until it couldn't possibly get more intense. His hands tug at Changmin's shorts and underwear until they're down his thighs and his cock is resting, flushed and hard, against his belly.
Changmin gasps, breaking the kiss for a moment when Yoochun's hand fists around his erection, grasping it tightly and swiping his thumb over the sensitive head, and then presses his lips back to the older man's.
Yoochun revels in the weight of Changmin's cock, hot and heavy in his palm; he strokes it slowly, pulls back to watch Changmin's face as his hand pleasures him. Beads of sweat are forming along his brow and upper lip, and his breathing is shallow, wide, full lips parted and struggling for air. Yoochun watches the way his face flushes and his eyelashes flutter, head resting back against the wall. He is so beautiful like this, he thinks, and wonders why it took him so long to get here. When Changmin starts thrusting his hips upward into Yoochun's fist, he takes his hand away and swallows Changmin's cry of protest.
“Not yet, Min-ah, not yet.” Yoochun whispers into his lips before tugging the other man's tee shirt up over his head. Changmin shivers when the cooler air of the room hits his heated skin, and watches Yoochun slide down his body, pressing kisses along the way, tongue flicking out to taste salty-sweet skin. Yoochun glances up into Changmin's eyes, pauses over his weeping erection, and the love and desire that Changmin sees in the other man's dark eyes are so fierce and intense he feels his pounding heart skip a beat and a thrill run up his spine. In a second, Yoochun is lowering his mouth down over Changmin's swollen member, lips sliding against the sensitive organ. Changmin almost cries out then, the wet, hot heat almost too much for him to handle, and he bucks upward into Yoochun's mouth, almost gagging the other man.
Yoochun's hands press against Changmin's hips, holding them against the mattress while his mouth works at his shaft. His tongue flicks out to press along the vein that runs up Changmin's length, and for a moment the younger male sees stars. His own hands are buried in the other's silky mane, fisting around the dark strands. When Yoochun hollows his cheeks and sucks, he spares a fleeting thought of remorse for his scalp, as the other's hands tug at his hair, hips bucking and mouth falling open in a loud gasp. He stops sucking when he feels Changmin's sac tighten under his touch, and releases his length, lapping at the head one last time before crawling back up his body to press a slow kiss to his lips. Changmin tastes himself on Yoochun's lips, and he's never experienced anything more erotic. He eagerly reaches for the other man's clothes, frustrated that they're still covering him and desperate to touch skin. Once he's removed the clothing and kicked his own shorts off, he flips them over so Yoochun is laying where Changmin had been seconds ago, back against the mattress and head on his pillow.
“I love you,” he says, and Yoochun greedily swallows the words, tangling his tongue with Changmin's.
They press against each other, and both of them moan headily when their aching erections brush together. Changmin reaches between them and starts to rub at Yoochun's neglected cock, fisting it and driving the other man closer to the edge. When he starts to roll his hips upward into Changmin's palm, he takes his hand away, bracing himself on either side of Yoochun's head, and slides his own hips forward so that their lengths slide against each other, causing delicious bursts of friction. They set a rhythm, thrusting against each other, the pressure building up tightly in their lower abdomens, hips gyrating against one another. They're both panting by the time they lose the rhythm, thrusts coming hard and fast now, the overwhelming sensations of pleasure and dizzying desire too much for them. Yoochun wraps his ankles around Changmin's thighs and gives one last buck of his hips against the taller man before he cries out, releasing his orgasm all over their stomachs. Changmin reaches his peak seconds later and muffles his shout of completion in Yoochun's broad shoulder, his own essence mixing with the streaks of white come already coating them.
They lay there for a moment, Changmin collapsed on top of the older male, breathing harshly and waiting for their brains to work again. Changmin is the first to regain his ability to function normally, and he pushes himself off Yoochun, licks at the creamy substance streaked across Yoochun's chest, tongue swiping over heated skin. When he's satisfied that Yoochun is clean, he brings himself back up on his elbows and kisses him, lets Yoochun taste the results of their lovemaking. When he pulls away, Yoochun has a sloppy grin plastered to his face, and his eyes are watery. He reaches up, brushes the curls of damp hair away from Changmin's sweaty forehead, kisses his temple and pulls him close again.
When Changmin wakes up later, the sun has set, he's sure he missed dinner but he can't bring himself to care right now, because Yoochun has flung himself across him, limbs tangled and breaths mingling. His hair is a tangled mess, and he knows he's sticky all over, but he tightens his grip on Yoochun anyway. Nothing else matters right now, he decides. Nothing but this.
-Fin-
...Part 1
Author: ilusmbb
Warnings: Homosexual themes, somewhat explicit, a bit of swearing
Rating: R/NC-17.
Pairing: YooMin (brief mention of JaeHo)
Genre: Romance, smut, and pointless waff.
Summary: Yoochun tends to be a bit of a fool when it comes to love.
Part Two of Two
This is dedicated to two of my loves,
machine_of_july for being a bitch and demanding it from me, and
yaoi_hoshi for being an amazing beta and making sure this got written.
Anything that still sucks here is entirely my fault.
Jewell, you asked for romance and sweet love, and I'm afraid I have failed you miserably, but I hope you enjoy this anyway. ♥ You're amazing, bb. now where's my fanart?!
And, Hoshi, a million thanks to you for putting up with all of my bitching and moaning and being there for me to bounce ideas off of. ♥~
It's been almost a week, and Yoochun has scarcely been out of the music room, spending all of his free time - as little as there is - locked away in there, drinking coffee and composing sappy love songs about unattainable love and broken hearts. The wailing strains of depressing piano pieces decides it for Jaejoong, and he figures it's time for an intervention, which comes by way of a hot cup of coffee and a bowl of homemade dak jorim. He kicks lightly at the door to the music room - Yoochun's personal black hole - and balances the food in his hands, trying not to spill anything. The music comes to an abrupt stop and Jaejoong hears the shuffling of papers and the scuffling of feet before the door cracks open and Yoochun blinks at him questioningly.
“Wow. You are alive.” Jaejoong says dryly, nudging the door open with his bare feet and raising the meal up in offering.
Yoochun hesitates a moment before his stomach growls and he shoots his best friend a sheepish smile, stepping aside for him to enter the room.
“Thanks, hyung. I've been...composing.”
“No, really?” Jaejoong asks sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “I'm pretty sure we've all figured that out by now.” He sets the mug of coffee down on Yoochun's desk and presses the bowl into his hand. “Eat.” he commands, pulling utensils out of his back pocket and presenting them to the younger boy.
“Thanks,” Yoochun says again, taking the proffered silverware and starting to eat. “You haven't cooked anything at home in a while.”
“I know. We've been busy.”
Yoochun makes a sound of agreement, “It's nice to have a little more time to ourselves.”
They fall into companionable silence, Jaejoong watching Yoochun eat and wondering how the hell to bring up the younger man's emo behavior and his feelings for Changmin.
“Come on,” he says when Yoochun sets the bowl down with a satisfied sigh and sips the last of his coffee. “You need some fresh air.”
Jaejoong leads the younger male out to the connected balcony, closing the sliding glass door behind them and leaning against the rail.
Yoochun watches Jaejoong hang over the edge, grinning and flailing his arms for a moment, and is amused by the older man's momentary childishness.
He settles for propping his elbows up on the ledge and resting his chin in the palm of his hand, gazing out into the night - it’s pitch dark outside but for the lights of neighboring buildings and streetlights, and the sun hasn't been down an hour yet.
“Here,” Jaejoong straightens and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a packet of Clove cigarettes and offering it to Yoochun.
The younger male chuckles softly, “So much for fresh air, hm?” but he takes one anyway.
Jaejoong's lips quirks upward on one side, causing his dimple to appear, and he lights the end of Yoochun's cigarette carefully with a small gold lighter.
“Yoochunnie-ah...” Jaejoong pauses, placing one of the Cloves between his own full lips and lighting it, “when the hell are you going to tell Changmin that you're in love with him?”
It takes a second for the older singer's words to register, but when they do Yoochun starts, inhaling too quickly and coughing on the smoke in his lungs. Jaejoong watches him carefully, tongue flicking out to taste the bitter end of his Clove, and waits for the coughing fit to stop.
“When am I what?!” Yoochun gasps, face red and eyes watering.
“Going to tell Changmin that you're head-over-heels, crazy in love with him.”
He shakes his head, backing away from the railing, “Not you too, Jaejoong. I can't do this.”
“Yes you can,” Jaejoong's hand shoots out and grasps at Yoochun's elbow, softly tugging him back to his side.
“Stay and talk to me, Chunnie. Tell me what's going on.”
“It's nothing, Jaejoong,”
“Liar. It is something, or you wouldn't have locked yourself in that stupid room all week.”
“I was composing - “
“I know, composing, because that's what you do when you're upset or hiding from something. So tell me, what are you thinking?”
“I'm thinking that Junsu has a big mouth, and this whole thing is stupid.”
“You're in love with him. That's not stupid. And if Junsu hadn't told me, you would have eventually. Or I would have beat it out of you.”
“I'm sure you would have,” Yoochun gives a short, dry snort of laughter, heaves a sigh, and decides that he does need to talk to his best friend about this.
“But, you're right. I'm in love with him. Have been for...for over a year now.”
“And you didn't tell me?!” Jaejoong bursts out, shocked and a little hurt. There isn't much of anything that Yoochun hides from him, and it stings that he has hidden something as important as this.
“I'm sorry, Jaejoongie, I just didn't know how to.” Yoochun offers weakly, taking another drag on his cigarette.
A sigh, “It's fine, I guess. But you love him. I don't see the problem here.”
“Jae...Changmin isn't interested in me - could never be interested in me. He - he doesn't like men, for one. And...and, I couldn't risk it, hyung.”
Jaejoong pauses a second to ponder Yoochun's words. Changmin is better than anyone at hiding his feelings, and he isn't surprised Yoochun hasn't figured out what the younger singer feels for him.
“What...what is it that you're so unwilling to risk, Chunnie?” he finally asks.
“Changmin. I couldn't stand it if our friendship dissolved because I have these stupid fucking feelings for him. They'll go away, eventually.”
Jaejoong snorts in disbelief, “Do you honestly believe that your feelings for him will just...go away?”
“No...but I don't know what else to do about them if I can't just ignore them. Which hasn't really been working, by the way.”
“I wouldn't expect them to. Not with you, Micky. When you love...you love whole-heartedly, like I do. Any feelings of love you have for him are here to stay. And Changmin wouldn't hate you for loving him. Even if he didn't return your feelings, he'd still be honored.”
“I know - Changmin isn't like that, he wouldn't hate me. But I'd lose what I already have with him. I can't handle loss, Jaejoongie, you know that. I just can't. You're right - I love him completely...have given him my whole heart, for better or for worse, and I'm too afraid of getting it broken.”
Jaejoong shakes his head, stubs out the rest of his cigarette and turns to lean his back against the railing, “You haven't, Chun. You haven't given him your whole heart if you haven't given him the chance to love you in return - or break it. And if for some reason Changmin is foolish enough to turn you away, you know I'll be here to hold you together while you cry. But it isn't fair to him for you to deny him the chance to do so. It isn't fair to Changmin that you love him so much, and he doesn't know. It...it's as if you've gone and created the most beautiful song in the world for him, and refuse to even sing it for him, refuse to let him know you ever wrote it, because you're afraid of his judgment of it. Or like you bought him an amazing gift, but you've hidden it away in the bottom of your underwear drawer and don't ever let him open it, don't give him the present. It's just plain fucking stupid.”
Yoochun listens as Jaejoong rambles on, -- reminds Yoochun of a train with no track and an endless source of steam -- and hesitantly admits to himself that his best friend might be right - might actually know what he's talking about. He should, he reckons. He's been in a relationship with Yunho for what seems like ages, even if the two of them haven't ever admitted to anything.
“--and goddammit, Yoochun, if you don't tell him that you're in love with him,” Jaejoong is saying now, one hand on his hip - something he picked up from Changmin, no doubt - and a scowl on his face, “then I'll just tell him that you're too much of a coward to actually do anything about your feelings and he might as well just forget the whole thing and move on, because obviously you aren't going to make a move or anything. And you know things would get messy then, and I'd make damn sure of it.”
Yoochun blinks at Jaejoong, something the older man said niggling at his brain, making him pause. “Wait, what?”
Jaejoong blinks back at Yoochun before his mouth makes a small “o” shape and he realizes what it is he's said.
Yoochun, unfortunately for him, hasn't quite figured out what it was that caused alarms to go off in his head, other than Jaejoong threatening to expose him.
“Nothing, Yoochun. Just do something about this before I kick your ass all the way back to Tokyo.”
“You said...what did you say, though?”
“I don't remember. And, anyway, that friendship that you're trying so hard to protect....it was gone,
Chunnie, as soon as you fell in love with him,” Jaejoong says, voice softening, and gaze sympathetic. “It's not an actual friendship if one of you doesn't think of the other as just a mere friend. Not really.”
Yoochun sighs heavily, brow furrowed and expression pained. “I just...I don't know, Jaejoong. I don't think I can do it.”
“You're going to get burned.”
“Oh, thanks, Joongie. Like telling me that I'm just going to end up hurt is supposed to encourage me to confess?”
“No, I meant literally--”
“Ow-- fuck!” Yoochun hissed when the cigarette he was holding burned his fingers. “Why the fuck doesn't this thing have a filter?”
“Because I like them better without. Now go put ice on that burn and think about what I said.”
~*~*~*~
It's been two days since his conversation with Jaejoong, and Yoochun has taken his friend's advice - he thought about what Jaejoong told him. It isn't fair not to tell Changmin - and what kind of coward is he, that he can't even let a friend know that he has feelings for him? These feelings, he knows, aren't going away, and dammit, even if Changmin crushes his heart and nuclear-punches him back to Bora Bora, at least he'll know he tried.
It takes the full two days for Yoochun to work up the courage to actually do what he has decided to do, and when he does approach Changmin, the other is sitting on the couch, long limbs sprawled over the entire piece of furniture, feet hanging off the armrest, and head resting on the other. He's reading something - manga, by the looks of it - and doesn't notice Yoochun enter the room.
“Min-ah,” Yoochun starts, tentatively. The words catch in his throat, and Changmin doesn't hear him - or ignores him. “Changmin-ah,” he tries again, this time louder, and Changmin turns around, narrows his eyes at the older man before sitting up.
He wonders what Yoochun wants - the idiot had been avoiding him like the plague for over a week now, and frankly, Changmin's a bit fed up - and hurt, but he won't admit to that - by YooChun's behavior. He fears that somehow his band mate figured out that Changmin has feelings for him and doesn't want him, as irrational as it seems.
“Yes?” his response is curt and there's a distinct lack of warmth in his voice.
Yoochun hesitates, bites his lip, takes a step backward, and thinks that maybe he really shouldn't go through with this, maybe this is a horrible idea, after all.
Changmin watches the emotions flit across Yoochun's features, watches the uncertainty in his eyes morph into fear and insecurity, and takes pity on him.
“Sorry, I didn't want to sound so mean. What's up?” he tries again, this time with a small smile playing over his crooked lips.
Yoochun clears his throat and straightens his shoulders, feeling as if he were going to throw up, or maybe pass out. But he has to do this - he has made up his mind, and he is going to tell Changmin how he feels, whether either of them liked it or not.
“It's okay. Sorry. Uhm. Actually, uh...well. Shit, maybe I can't do this after all. No, no. I can do this.
Uhm, Changmin? I...have something to tell you that you should know.” he clears his throat again, notices the expression on Changmin's face is a mixture of wary curiosity, confusion and concern, and has to choke back nervous laughter.
“So, basically, I have this thing - no, I mean, you are just so Changmin and that's - wait, no, what I'm trying to say is that in my heart--” the cheesy line from their Banjun drama runs through his head and Yoochun almost lets out a pathetic groan of frustration. Changmin has stood up by now, and is standing in front of him, so close Yoochun can feel the warmth radiating off him, can smell Changmin's shampoo.
“What is it, Yoochun?” there's a glint of hope in his eyes now - eyes dark as sin and wicked in the way they shine. Changmin's almost touching him now, raises a hand to feel Yoochun's forehead, and -- “Oh,fuck it!” Yoochun exclaims, decides actions speak louder than words, and his words aren't working right now anyway.
He grabs the taller man by the collar and drags him down for a bruising kiss. It's hard at first, teeth nipping at full lips and tongues dueling at one another. It isn't until Changmin groans into his mouth and tightens his grip around the older man's waist, fingers splaying to touch as much of him as possible, that Yoochun realizes Changmin has been kissing him back.
The kiss softens and becomes gentler, deepens, the two men taking the time to taste each other, to savor the feel of the other's mouth against his own. Changmin pulls a long, low groan from Yoochun's throat with his tongue, continues to kiss him with all of the love in his heart.
It's Yoochun who pulls back first, easing away with a succession of short, sweet kisses to Changmin's now-swollen lips.
“I love you.” Yoochun whispers, smile faltering uncertainly.
Changmin laughs now and leans in to kiss him again, his laughter spilling into Yoochun's greedy mouth. Laughter, Yoochun discovers, tastes like citrus sunshine and spun sugar and cotton candy clouds.
“I love you, you fool.” Changmin grins into the shorter man's neck, hot breath tickling the sensitive skin there. “I love you, so much.”
He presses small kisses into Yoochun's neck and up his jaw and his cheeks. He isn't at all surprised to find the salty taste of tears on his lips.
“I love you, Changmin,” Yoochun says again, because he can, “I love you.”
“Don't cry you idiot. So ugly when you cry.” Changmin breathes against smiling lips.
~*~*~*~
Changmin is reading again, but this time it's a spy thriller, and he's relaxing on Yoochun's bed - Jaejoong and Yunho have disappeared into the bedroom he shares with Junsu and the band leader, and Changmin is pretty damn sure none of them want him in there keeping them company.
It has been almost a month since Yoochun made his bumbling mess of a confession, and not much has changed - and yet everything has, at the same time. Their friendship is still there, just fuller now. It includes kisses and touches and laughter and intertwined fingers that hadn't been there before. Every spare moment was spent exchanging kisses and light touches that explored but never went any further, never brought about completion.
Changmin is interrupted in his reading when his boyfriend - a thrill of excitement still makes his heart skip a beat whenever he remembers that Yoochun is, in fact, his - cracks the door open and peeks his head through, a cheeky grin in place.
“Hey, babe~” Yoochun says affectionately, stepping into the room and closing the door softly behind him. He makes his way to the small bed - his bed, he notes - and sits down next to Changmin. “Go ahead and finish your book, I was just lonely.” He tangles his own bare feet with Changmin's almost without thinking about it.
Changmin shifts so that he is touching Yoochun from hip to knee, and beyond that he can't tell which shin or ankle belongs to who. Yoochun presses a gentle kiss to Changmin's lips, sighing softly before resting his head on the younger man's shoulders.
They stay like that for several moments, neither of them moving or talking - and Changmin is having difficulty focusing on his book, because concentrating on the feel of Yoochun pressed against him is so much more pleasant.
Yoochun's fingers start to wander their way up and down Changmin's thigh, leaving blazing trails of heat in their wake; when they start to brush across his inner thigh, Changmin's breath catches in his throat and his heart starts racing. He tries to ignore Yoochun's touch at first, but when the fingers slide up under the hem of his shirt and trail their way across his lower abdomen, teasing at the waistband of his basketball shorts, Changmin stops thinking and turns to the other man instead, pressing his lips hungrily to Yoochun's. Their kiss is fiery and slow, and Yoochun makes a low sound of desire in the back of his throat and deepens the kiss, his hand slipping lower into Min's shorts, fingers brushing against his stiffening length.
“Changmin-ah,” he breathes, his voice deep and smooth, “If you don't want this let me know, because I've been wanting to do this for so long, now.”
Changmin growls lightly, the sound coming across more pitiful and needy than he had intended, and tugs Yoochun over so the older man is straddling him, knees on either side of Changmin's thighs, and rolls his hips upward into Yoochun's touch. It's all the encouragement that's needed and Yoochun surges down for another kiss, lips and tongues and teeth clashing, and he knows they must look as if they are trying to devour each other, but he feels as if he is. He tries to drink in as much of Changmin as he can, aches for more of him, deepens the kiss until it couldn't possibly get more intense. His hands tug at Changmin's shorts and underwear until they're down his thighs and his cock is resting, flushed and hard, against his belly.
Changmin gasps, breaking the kiss for a moment when Yoochun's hand fists around his erection, grasping it tightly and swiping his thumb over the sensitive head, and then presses his lips back to the older man's.
Yoochun revels in the weight of Changmin's cock, hot and heavy in his palm; he strokes it slowly, pulls back to watch Changmin's face as his hand pleasures him. Beads of sweat are forming along his brow and upper lip, and his breathing is shallow, wide, full lips parted and struggling for air. Yoochun watches the way his face flushes and his eyelashes flutter, head resting back against the wall. He is so beautiful like this, he thinks, and wonders why it took him so long to get here. When Changmin starts thrusting his hips upward into Yoochun's fist, he takes his hand away and swallows Changmin's cry of protest.
“Not yet, Min-ah, not yet.” Yoochun whispers into his lips before tugging the other man's tee shirt up over his head. Changmin shivers when the cooler air of the room hits his heated skin, and watches Yoochun slide down his body, pressing kisses along the way, tongue flicking out to taste salty-sweet skin. Yoochun glances up into Changmin's eyes, pauses over his weeping erection, and the love and desire that Changmin sees in the other man's dark eyes are so fierce and intense he feels his pounding heart skip a beat and a thrill run up his spine. In a second, Yoochun is lowering his mouth down over Changmin's swollen member, lips sliding against the sensitive organ. Changmin almost cries out then, the wet, hot heat almost too much for him to handle, and he bucks upward into Yoochun's mouth, almost gagging the other man.
Yoochun's hands press against Changmin's hips, holding them against the mattress while his mouth works at his shaft. His tongue flicks out to press along the vein that runs up Changmin's length, and for a moment the younger male sees stars. His own hands are buried in the other's silky mane, fisting around the dark strands. When Yoochun hollows his cheeks and sucks, he spares a fleeting thought of remorse for his scalp, as the other's hands tug at his hair, hips bucking and mouth falling open in a loud gasp. He stops sucking when he feels Changmin's sac tighten under his touch, and releases his length, lapping at the head one last time before crawling back up his body to press a slow kiss to his lips. Changmin tastes himself on Yoochun's lips, and he's never experienced anything more erotic. He eagerly reaches for the other man's clothes, frustrated that they're still covering him and desperate to touch skin. Once he's removed the clothing and kicked his own shorts off, he flips them over so Yoochun is laying where Changmin had been seconds ago, back against the mattress and head on his pillow.
“I love you,” he says, and Yoochun greedily swallows the words, tangling his tongue with Changmin's.
They press against each other, and both of them moan headily when their aching erections brush together. Changmin reaches between them and starts to rub at Yoochun's neglected cock, fisting it and driving the other man closer to the edge. When he starts to roll his hips upward into Changmin's palm, he takes his hand away, bracing himself on either side of Yoochun's head, and slides his own hips forward so that their lengths slide against each other, causing delicious bursts of friction. They set a rhythm, thrusting against each other, the pressure building up tightly in their lower abdomens, hips gyrating against one another. They're both panting by the time they lose the rhythm, thrusts coming hard and fast now, the overwhelming sensations of pleasure and dizzying desire too much for them. Yoochun wraps his ankles around Changmin's thighs and gives one last buck of his hips against the taller man before he cries out, releasing his orgasm all over their stomachs. Changmin reaches his peak seconds later and muffles his shout of completion in Yoochun's broad shoulder, his own essence mixing with the streaks of white come already coating them.
They lay there for a moment, Changmin collapsed on top of the older male, breathing harshly and waiting for their brains to work again. Changmin is the first to regain his ability to function normally, and he pushes himself off Yoochun, licks at the creamy substance streaked across Yoochun's chest, tongue swiping over heated skin. When he's satisfied that Yoochun is clean, he brings himself back up on his elbows and kisses him, lets Yoochun taste the results of their lovemaking. When he pulls away, Yoochun has a sloppy grin plastered to his face, and his eyes are watery. He reaches up, brushes the curls of damp hair away from Changmin's sweaty forehead, kisses his temple and pulls him close again.
When Changmin wakes up later, the sun has set, he's sure he missed dinner but he can't bring himself to care right now, because Yoochun has flung himself across him, limbs tangled and breaths mingling. His hair is a tangled mess, and he knows he's sticky all over, but he tightens his grip on Yoochun anyway. Nothing else matters right now, he decides. Nothing but this.
-Fin-
...Part 1