still trying
So, let's see. Yesterday I dropped some stuff off at a thrift store, went to two grocery stores to gather various necessities, & went to Target in Albany to get season 2 of Veronica Mars. I couldn't find it in the TV section of the DVDs, & was just beginning to consider a bit of a panic, when I realized it might be on sale & looked on the ends of the aisles. And there it was, for $29.99. I'm distressed to admit how relieved I was to find it, but I was rather relying on them to keep me company while I figure out what to do next. And maybe get some sewing done.
I ended up staying up far too late, watching stuff, then thinking, then writing out some of my thoughts. Far too late. But I got up at a fairly reasonable hour today. I've got to try to get back on a somewhat normal sleep schedule. I have no choice but to work the particular hours that are expected of me, so I need to start sleeping the appropriate hours to make that happen. I'm having a lot of trouble getting sleepy, though, with my head all full of thinky thoughts, trying to solve a problem that I don't know if I've identified correctly & don't actually seem to have any control over.
But today I got a few sort of useful things done. I cleaned my desk, which is always a good idea. I made some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. Maybe I'll sneak some to ceili tomorrow, to distribute after -- there are far too many for one person to have around the house. I had one meal, at around 5:00 this afternoon, while batches of cookies were baking. I know I'm probably not eating enough, but I'm finding it difficult to want things, food included.
Walking through Target yesterday, I didn't really want anything except what I went for, didn't even really want to look, & that's very strange behavior for me. I wish it felt like a good sign, because it's really good for me to spend less money, but it feels like a loss of hope. I have wanted, for a long time, to simplify things, only buy what I need, only eat what I need to eat, but I expected it to be at least a little difficult. This is a painful result of something that has happened, something that has left me with less hope than I'm comfortable having, & not able to look into the future the way that I usually can.
Um, meanwhile, I've been alternating watching Heroes with Veronica Mars & I'm finding that I greatly prefer the character development & relationships on Veronica Mars. If it weren't for the interesting intricacies of time travel, I would probably also prefer Veronica's plots, but I do have a weakness for sci-fi. Although, Veronica has the noir edge. And I do prefer the Veronica dialogue, all smart & bitey. I'm a big fan of sarcasm -- & of paranoia, particularly if it turns out to be the right way to go.
So, I'll try to get a few more things done tomorrow, like post the photos I took at my mom's. And start to review some C++ & Discrete Math. And, of course, prepare for the ceili.
I ended up staying up far too late, watching stuff, then thinking, then writing out some of my thoughts. Far too late. But I got up at a fairly reasonable hour today. I've got to try to get back on a somewhat normal sleep schedule. I have no choice but to work the particular hours that are expected of me, so I need to start sleeping the appropriate hours to make that happen. I'm having a lot of trouble getting sleepy, though, with my head all full of thinky thoughts, trying to solve a problem that I don't know if I've identified correctly & don't actually seem to have any control over.
But today I got a few sort of useful things done. I cleaned my desk, which is always a good idea. I made some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. Maybe I'll sneak some to ceili tomorrow, to distribute after -- there are far too many for one person to have around the house. I had one meal, at around 5:00 this afternoon, while batches of cookies were baking. I know I'm probably not eating enough, but I'm finding it difficult to want things, food included.
Walking through Target yesterday, I didn't really want anything except what I went for, didn't even really want to look, & that's very strange behavior for me. I wish it felt like a good sign, because it's really good for me to spend less money, but it feels like a loss of hope. I have wanted, for a long time, to simplify things, only buy what I need, only eat what I need to eat, but I expected it to be at least a little difficult. This is a painful result of something that has happened, something that has left me with less hope than I'm comfortable having, & not able to look into the future the way that I usually can.
Um, meanwhile, I've been alternating watching Heroes with Veronica Mars & I'm finding that I greatly prefer the character development & relationships on Veronica Mars. If it weren't for the interesting intricacies of time travel, I would probably also prefer Veronica's plots, but I do have a weakness for sci-fi. Although, Veronica has the noir edge. And I do prefer the Veronica dialogue, all smart & bitey. I'm a big fan of sarcasm -- & of paranoia, particularly if it turns out to be the right way to go.
So, I'll try to get a few more things done tomorrow, like post the photos I took at my mom's. And start to review some C++ & Discrete Math. And, of course, prepare for the ceili.