2nd equation (night)= video/teneka
[Unlike the rapid and stilted way he talks during the day, the thoughts broadcast by N's PORTAL are measured and clear (if at times accompanied by seemingly random images of his Pokémon friends). This is a way he's more comfortable communicating.]
Hello, my name is N Harmonia. I have some questions. [Akito had given him some good ideas for what ( Read more... )
Hello, my name is N Harmonia. I have some questions. [Akito had given him some good ideas for what ( Read more... )
If you need any help forming the club, I could help you organize it.
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Thank you, Akito. I'd appreciate that very much. I've never organized a club before. You will be a part of it as well, I hope.
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It doesn't seem very different from organizing a team, and I've done that before! So it shouldn't be too difficult... Once you know how many people and Pokémon will be there we can figure out a place to meet!
And I'd like to join, if it's okay with everyone else.
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Of course, Akito. I wouldn't want to have a club without you. I'm not sure if any others will want to join, but I hope so. [He's still not exactly sure about the other trainers. He's fond of them, but he doesn't know if he fits in with them.]
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[It's nice to feel wanted, and for it to be so openly expressed. It was never like that in Kogarasumaru, as much as he loved it with them.] Other people will want to join, definitely! Don't worry about it, okay?
And I have some things for you, N! I found some books with romance in them for you, and I finished making your skates. There are some good romance movies too, if you wanted to try watching them!
[There is a very faint impression of someone rolling their eyes, underlying Akito's words when he mentions 'romance', and it's clear it's from a different source altogether.]
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[N smiles brightly, not noticing the underlying eyeroll.] Thank you, Akito! I'm so excited to see them. The skates and the books as well. Did you find a library, or did you make the books yourself?
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And I didn't find a library yet! I was thinking about which books would be best, and I guess I thought too hard since I found them on my bed afterward. It was really convenient, but I still want to find a library.
[He purses his lips in thought for a moment, then decides to check something. He sends over a very focused sensation of what he feels for N - platonic love and friendship, appreciation, and relief at having someone to talk to.] You can feel that, ne?
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That is useful. I have not tried to think of any books, but perhaps I will. I have looked for a library too, but I have not yet found one.
[N pauses, then smiles.] I do feel that, yes! This is much like the way I speak with my Pokémon friends. I can sense when they are sad or happy.
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If there isn't a library we might be able to dream one up... And if we can, then we could probably ask people to go and dream up books they remember from their worlds as well. A multi-universal library, ne?
[Akito perks up, excited.] I could share what it's like to be in love, if you'd like. I know all kinds of different loves, so it might help you learn the differences between them!
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A library like that sounds like a wonderful idea. It would be full of so many beliefs and truths and dreams. I thought we could not dream up buildings, though perhaps that was not correct information?
Akito, I am growing confused by the things people have have told me about love. It is not as simple as the love I have felt in my heart. I would appreciate it if you could share. Perhaps that would make things more clear. [After all, he trusts Akito.]
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Love is simple to feel, but hard to explain...
[He trails off as he begins to focus on how he feels for Ikki. It isn't hard to remember, even now. The way his body fills with a tingling warmth, comforting and all encompassing. How his heart flutters quick like a hummingbird's wings in his chest when he sees him, hears him, smells him, touches him. The joyous memories of holding him close and not being shoved away, and of stealing kisses both noticed and unnoticed.
The intense desire of want, physically and emotionally. The longing to curl up inside this person until there's nothing left. To be noticed, to be acknowledged, to be held close and not pushed away ( ... )
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[When Akito begins to focus on his feeling, N closes his eyes and listens, if one can be said to listen to an emotion. It is not like the feelings he's known. He can feel other emotions, fainter yet distinct, within the greater one of love. Once Akito breaks off, N opens his eyes. He nods.]
It causes you pain, but love, like the truth, is not an easy thing, is it? It involves sacrifice, suffering. I suffer when I sense you suffering, but that is because of what I feel for you, and so I accept it gladly.
I see that now. I am coming to learn that it must be very different for each person. Somehow, although that makes it more complicated, it makes it also easier to understand. Perhaps, in this way, I can show you what I have felt, as love.
[What he feels is for everything, starting with Pokémon, but spreading to encompass the natural world, every tree and stone, river and ocean, and now, even including the trainers who love their Pokémon and ( ... )
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He keeps his own feelings closed off, unwilling to share everything, because he thinks he shouldn't be this person's friend. He's been beaten and broken, his own innocence lost before he even had the chance to live; twisted into something grotesque, and only recently been reshaped into something better. It's easier to understand now, why Agito was so volatile in the face of friendship.
But Akito is selfish and wants to stay friends anyway. He reasons that maybe he will be able to keep away other people who might want to ruin him.]
I'm glad that they didn't tame you.
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I was raised to be what I am. You said something of the kind about yourself. My mind was shaped to be what it is, for a purpose. I did not fulfill that purpose, but nonetheless I was set apart. I wonder sometimes, what it would be like to have been raised as others of my world were, like Touya, Bel, or Cheren. I will never know what that is like, now.
I am glad to be as I am, but I do not think I am any better or worse. I was raised in a different world, that is all. The world of my childhood, with its woods and its bright room, both serenely happy and bitterly sad.
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I will be more wary from now on.
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