weird feelings and late nights.
i had a lot of fun on friday going to see Cars w/Vincent...considering i hadnt seen him since monday...gay mormon camp. urgh. oh well. it was fun. and for the first time that ive been to Richmond mall.....me and Vince were just smoking outside, and i looked around the parking lot, and i was completely happy w/where i was and who i was with, i mean really happy, even tho i was in kentucky, and moments like that dont happen to much for me. it just felt really good to be that happy. i love how happy he makes me, but we're also kind of pathetic, cuz we both know, that either one of us wouldnt be this happy w/out the other.....cuz we werent....i love the fact that he depends on me, cuz i depend on him. he means the world to me, in every way. i havnt been this happy in years. and it feels amazing. to say the least.
i love how we always talk late, until like 4 in the morning. and its acuall talking, not just weird silence. except for last night =(
BUT, also on friday night....im really glad another someone didnt go to the mall, cuz then things would have happened, and i didnt want to see it. so thank goodness.
i hardly talked to Vincent yesterday, and that makes me really sad....i had the weirdest, badest(dont care if that is really a word or not) feeling ever.....and when i was driving w/my sister, i all of a sudden had this horrible fear of driving, well getting driven. it was weird, and i wanted to talk to Vincent, so he could make things better, but there were complications.... =(
then i went to a party w/Trudy and Jay and i was the only 14 year old, pretending to be 17 and just out of highschool. bahaha.
i guess you could say i had a major buzz, but then again, i could have been drunk, i really dont know, considering ive never been drunk in my life. haha so yeah. but it was pretty fun, i guesss. i smoked a lot....=( dont really know if thats a good thing....cuz i was like, chain smoking at Trudy's place....i was really worried, about Vincent, and just, idk, myself really....just cuz i had that weird feeling.
but other than that weird feeling.....everything feels completely right, especially when im w/Vincent. he makes everything,just, just, right. he makes me forget the things i want to forget, and remember the things i want to remember. hes just soo easy to talk to, and i feel like he knows me better than most ppl do, hes my best friend, and my boy friend, and it feels really really good to have that.
he respects me soo much for who i am, and what i do, and loves me so much, and i believe him, because of the ways he shows it..........(unlike some stupid fucks that dont know what the fuck to do)
i said friday, that i didnt want to see something, if someone went to the mall, and i dont, but i still want it to happen, he deserves it. hes a fucking asshole. so fuck him. he needs to close his god damn mouth, stop fucking telling ppl, its none of ur business, and if you were really over me like 4 months ago, this shouldnt have "made you cry" as you said. stop fucking sending me messages, it pisses Vincent off. and me. neither of us want anything to do w/you, so go the fuck away.
uhmm hmm. i leave, in 3 days, and its fucking crazzzzzzyyyy like, seriously, i still cant grasp the fact that im going home, for a whole month, in only 3 days!!!
but in a way, im really sort of scared shitless to go back......just because of what changes there will be.....idk, im just worried,i guess you could say.
all i know for sure about this next month, is that its going to be one of the best fucking months in my life, but its also going to be VERY emotional. VERY VERY VERY VERY emotional.
i have to go to my old house, i have to go in it, i have to feel the way it feels, smell the way it smells......EVERYTHING about it, i have to have it, and see it. but im scared.
well, that was a lot, so im going to go.
Vincent: i love you.
♥always,
Julie
i love how we always talk late, until like 4 in the morning. and its acuall talking, not just weird silence. except for last night =(
BUT, also on friday night....im really glad another someone didnt go to the mall, cuz then things would have happened, and i didnt want to see it. so thank goodness.
i hardly talked to Vincent yesterday, and that makes me really sad....i had the weirdest, badest(dont care if that is really a word or not) feeling ever.....and when i was driving w/my sister, i all of a sudden had this horrible fear of driving, well getting driven. it was weird, and i wanted to talk to Vincent, so he could make things better, but there were complications.... =(
then i went to a party w/Trudy and Jay and i was the only 14 year old, pretending to be 17 and just out of highschool. bahaha.
i guess you could say i had a major buzz, but then again, i could have been drunk, i really dont know, considering ive never been drunk in my life. haha so yeah. but it was pretty fun, i guesss. i smoked a lot....=( dont really know if thats a good thing....cuz i was like, chain smoking at Trudy's place....i was really worried, about Vincent, and just, idk, myself really....just cuz i had that weird feeling.
but other than that weird feeling.....everything feels completely right, especially when im w/Vincent. he makes everything,just, just, right. he makes me forget the things i want to forget, and remember the things i want to remember. hes just soo easy to talk to, and i feel like he knows me better than most ppl do, hes my best friend, and my boy friend, and it feels really really good to have that.
he respects me soo much for who i am, and what i do, and loves me so much, and i believe him, because of the ways he shows it..........(unlike some stupid fucks that dont know what the fuck to do)
i said friday, that i didnt want to see something, if someone went to the mall, and i dont, but i still want it to happen, he deserves it. hes a fucking asshole. so fuck him. he needs to close his god damn mouth, stop fucking telling ppl, its none of ur business, and if you were really over me like 4 months ago, this shouldnt have "made you cry" as you said. stop fucking sending me messages, it pisses Vincent off. and me. neither of us want anything to do w/you, so go the fuck away.
uhmm hmm. i leave, in 3 days, and its fucking crazzzzzzyyyy like, seriously, i still cant grasp the fact that im going home, for a whole month, in only 3 days!!!
but in a way, im really sort of scared shitless to go back......just because of what changes there will be.....idk, im just worried,i guess you could say.
all i know for sure about this next month, is that its going to be one of the best fucking months in my life, but its also going to be VERY emotional. VERY VERY VERY VERY emotional.
i have to go to my old house, i have to go in it, i have to feel the way it feels, smell the way it smells......EVERYTHING about it, i have to have it, and see it. but im scared.
well, that was a lot, so im going to go.
Vincent: i love you.
♥always,
Julie