Fic: Beautifully Wrong (11/14) cont.

[ilovescarves89]

LJ continues to be evil so here we are again. Continued from here.



'Blaine? Are you in here?'

Blaine looked up. Kurt? How long had Blaine been sitting here? He remembered his last few hours as though they had happened it a dream. He recalled throwing up and being left alone by that freshman. He recalled flushing the toilet and collapsing against the wall, still with that putrid taste of vomit in his mouth but lacking the energy to move. He recalled later looking at his phone, debating whether he should text Cooper and tell him he was locked in a bathroom stall, unable to talk himself into getting up and going back to his lessons.

But Blaine never had called.

Because if he had, Cooper might have talked some sense into him, and he would have ended up going back out there, and why would he want to do that when he was perfectly comfortable here? Okay, he was sitting on the hard floor of a smelly boys' bathroom with the taste of vomit in his mouth, so he was not exactly comfortable in the strictest sense of the word, but at least his discomfort here was private and predictable. He didn't have to constantly look over his shoulder and wonder what people were thinking or whispering about him, or when the next insult would fly at him.

'Blaine?' There was a knock on the door to Blaine's stall. 'I know you're there, I found your bag out here.'

'Yeah, I'm here,' Blaine said quietly.

'Are you okay? How long have you been in here?'

'Since first period. I kind of... fled.' Blaine felt his face heat up, ashamed of his own weakness. 'What time is it?'

'I- It's... lunch time.' The door rattled a bit as Kurt evidently tried to open it. 'What happened? Can you let me in?'

'No.'

'Why not?'

'Because you're just going to make me go back out there, and I-' Blaine heard his voice break. 'I can't. Kurt, I can't.'

'You can,' Kurt said without pause. 'I know you can.'

'I can't,' Blaine repeated. 'I tried. I tried, and the moment things got hard, I ran out of there like a scared child.'

'You weren't prepared. You will be next time. It'll get easier.' Blaine didn't respond. He didn't much want to imagine the next time an entire class of students broke into laughter about him. 'Just come to lunch with me. It'll just be us and our friends as usual. We already know you have the support of some of them. Finn and Rachel, and remember how I told you about Mike?''

Blaine couldn't think of a response other than I can't, and he was beginning to hate hearing himself say it, so he simply let the silence speak for itself.

'Remember the day we met?' Kurt said then. 'You told me you regretted running.'

'There's a difference between running and being chased away,' Blaine said, repeating words his therapist had once told him back when he had first transferred to Dalton,

'But it felt like running, or you wouldn't have said that.'

'I know but...' Blaine hugged his knees a little tighter. 'I don't think I'm strong enough.'

Blaine expected Kurt's response to be fierce insistence that yes he was and another burst of motivational speech, but instead he heard a sigh and then shuffling on the other side of the door that separated them. After a moment he realized that Kurt was sitting down, the door creaking a little as Kurt leaned against it. Kurt was close enough like this, even through the door, that Blaine could hear the deep, steady rhythm of his breathing.

'I'm not gonna tell you what to do,' Kurt said after a moment had passed, his voice more subdued now than it had been previously. 'Your mom told me everything, and I know why it's hard. Whatever you choose to do, I'll support you, even if it means having you at another school. But...' Kurt paused, and Blaine could tell that he was working up to something. 'If you wanna know what I think... I think that your old school and those guys had you feeling worthless by the end when the truth is that you're priceless. To me you are priceless. I look at you and I see someone who's kind and warm and selfless. I see someone who's handsome and sexy and talented in so many ways, and I feel so, so proud to call you my boyfriend. And I think if you just stayed here and got through this, you might begin to realize that I'm more right than they were, and you could maybe feel better about yourself than ever.'

Kurt finished speaking, and a handful of seconds passed in silence. Then, tired and almost in slow motion, Blaine raised his hand and unlocked the door. He had barely processed what he had done before Kurt was pushing the door open, and he had to shift to avoid getting hit by it.

Kurt crouched down by Blaine's side, and even without looking up and seeing the no doubt caring and concerned expression on Kurt's face, Blaine felt relief wash over him. Everything always seemed a little brighter when Kurt was there, and when Kurt's hand found Blaine's arm and squeezed lightly, the touch seemed to be saying I've got you, and everything is going to be okay now.

'Blaine, look at me,' Kurt said, reaching out a hand towards Blaine's face, but Blaine turned his head away.

'I have vomit breath,' he said.

'You were sick?' Kurt asked, sounding worried and placing a hand on Blaine's forehead.

'I'm not sick, I was just... I don't know, it was stupid.'

'Hey, nothing about any of this is stupid, okay?' Kurt said, and Blaine tried his best to hear and believe him. 'Come on, let's get you cleaned up.'

Kurt stood up and extended a hand to Blaine to help him up. They walked over to the sinks - Blaine a little unsteady on his feet from sitting down for so long - where Blaine washed his face and drank water until the taste of sick in his mouth was completely gone.

In the end when he couldn't draw out the moment any longer, he turned off the faucet, dried himself off and turned to Kurt who stood ready with Blaine's bag extended towards him. Blaine took it, slung it over his shoulder and straightened his back. This time he really did feel a lot like a soldier preparing for battle.

'Alright, let's go.'

The distance between the cafeteria and the bathroom Blaine had found himself in was just about the greatest you could get between any two points in the school, but Blaine still found the trip much too short. When they reached the entrance to the cafeteria, Blaine felt his heart-rate pick up and he almost didn't continue, but reminding himself that there was no real alternative, he gritted his teeth and pushed through it, leading the way inside.

Once inside, Blaine's eyes quickly found what looked like the entire glee club gathered as usual around one of the large tables in the middle of the room. When he and Kurt went to get their food, he kept glancing over at them, but no one seemed yet to have taken note of their arrival. Their friends simply continued to eat and talk amongst themselves, and it all looked startlingly normal. Finally with their food ready, Blaine and Kurt turned towards their targeted table.

A hundred feet. Blaine nominated two empty seats between Tina and Mercedes.

Seventy feet. Tina would be nice. She had been nice in class earlier.

Fifty feet. Rachel looked up and when she saw Blaine and Kurt approaching, she poked Finn in the side, prompting him to look up as well.

Thirty feet. Quinn who sat across from them turned around to see what they were looking at, then Santana and Brittany did the same, and within moments the attention of everyone at the table had been caught.

Ten feet. Rachel leaned into the table and looked around at everyone, mouth forming words that Blaine couldn't hear through all the noise in the cafeteria, but he suspected that they were instructions.

Three feet. Rachel looked up and smiled at Blaine.

Blaine did not stop walking.

'I- what- Blaine!'

Blaine heard Kurt's confused yell after him, but he kept walking until he found a smaller, empty table near the corner of the room. He sat down facing the wall, and when he turned and glanced over towards his friends, he saw Kurt still standing there, shrugging apologetically at them before hurrying towards Blaine.

'You can't avoid them forever,' Kurt said when he sat down opposite Blaine.

'I know' - a small sigh escaped Blaine's lips - 'and I'll see them in glee at the end of the day, but just...let me get through all the rest first.'

'But you have classes with some of them,' Kurt argued. 'Don't you think those might be easier if-'

'Can we just do this my way, please? I just- I need a quiet, normal lunch right now.'

Kurt opened his mouth as though to object, but then he closed it again, swallowing down whatever he had been about to say, and nodded instead. 'Sure, okay.'

There was quiet for a few moments as they both turned their attention to their lunch. Much as Blaine wanted to pretend for a little while that this was a normal day, he couldn't readily think of a topic that didn't have to do with the situations he found himself in.

'So did you hear that Mr. Hayes might be throwing us a pop quiz today?' Kurt said then.

'Really?' Blaine said, jumping on the topic and reacting with more shock than he really felt. 'I knew I should have done the homework more thoroughly.'

'Oh, I think you'll be fine Mr. I Take French With A Bunch Of Seniors.'

Blaine rolled his eyes. 'That was because of the Dalton transfer, and you know it. Doesn't mean I'm actually any good.'

'Oh, so you mean you haven't been getting straight A's all year?' Kurt asked, feigning confusion.

'Well...' Blaine said, beaten. Kurt laughed, and Blaine retaliated by throwing a french fry at him, causing Kurt to squeak and throw up his hands in protection.

'Very mature, Blaine,' Kurt said when he had recovered. He rolled his eyes fondly. 'But fine, we can quiz each other now if you...'

Kurt trailed off, eyes fixed at a point behind Blaine, who froze mid-grin.

'What?'

Kurt looked back at Blaine, slightly wide-eyed.

'Just ignore them, okay?'

'What? Who?' Blaine asked and was about to look around, when a voice drawled in his ear.

'Well, hey there, ladies.' There was his answer.

'JT,' Blaine said. He watched as his old "friend" straddled the chair next to him, and out of the corner of his eye he sensed two other guys doing the same on the other side of the table, but his eyes were fixed on JT.

'So...' JT made a sudden movement with his hand, and Blaine flinched, but all JT did was to reach across the table and steal one of Blaine's french fries. He tapped Blaine's shoulder lightly with the back of his hand. 'How's being a freak working out for you?'

'Ignore them,' Blaine heard Kurt muttering, and with great effort Blaine tore his gaze away from JT and back to his food. Unfortunately he had rather lost his appetite, which meant that there was nothing to distract him when JT started speaking again, this time directing his words to his friends across the table.

'You know, I never would have guessed for this one to turn out to be a tranny. I remember when she used to run around in these cute little dresses, and her hair would be all long and braided or in pigtails.' Blaine felt himself go red all the way up to his ears. 'It was adorable, I tell you. Adorable.'

JT and his friends laughed loudly. Blaine wanted to scream or cry or something. That there was someone in the school who knew him from before he had come out, back when he had still been trying so hard to fit in as a girl, was humiliating and it made him feel oddly like a fraud.

'And look at her now,' JT continued. 'A sad imitation of a man.'

'And a fag no less,' one of his buddies added.

Blaine's grip on his fork was so tight his hand was shaking, and he turned his head back towards JT, jaw set in anger.

'Something to say?' JT said, raising an almost bored eyebrow.

'Yes,' Blaine said, looking JT straight in the eye. 'Go away. No one cares what you have to say.'

'Oh, I think you'll find a whole school who disagrees with you there,' JT replied, his voice as pleasant as his smile. 'Had a fun first day back?'

'I heard he, like, burst into tears and ran out of class this morning,' one of the guys on Blaine's other side said, and Blaine wished he could make himself look indignant rather than embarrassed. He had not cried.

Kurt, meanwhile, looked more annoyed than anything.

'Why don't you just leave us alone?' he said, his words commanding despite forming a question.

'Oh, but we like it here,' JT said. 'Don't we boys?'

'Yeah, why would we wanna leave?' the one of JT's buddies closest to Kurt said. 'We've got great company... Food...' He reached for Kurt's plate, but Kurt slapped his hand hard, and the guy's face fell dramatically. 'Now, that's just rude.'

'Is there a problem, gentlemen?' a new voice said, and they all looked up, surprised to see Coach Beiste there, her eyes wandering from one face to the next and narrowing when they landed on JT.

'No, no problem, Coach,' he said, his face the very picture of innocence. 'I was just catching up with my old buddy here.' JT gave Blaine a jovial pat on the back. 'Blaine and I go way back.'

'Hm, I find that hard to believe.' Coach Beiste looked at Blaine who shifted in his seat. 'Blaine?'

'We do go back a long way,' he replied quietly, and JT smirked in satisfaction.

'There, see? Nothing to-'

'But frankly he was harassing me about it,' Blaine said, keeping his eyes on Coach Beiste lest he start to laugh at the shocked look on JT's face. 'He was being transphobic, homophobic and a bully. We asked him to leave, but he refused. And the same thing goes for his friends over there, by the way.' Blaine thought for a moment. 'Oh, and JT stole some of my food.'

Stunned silence followed Blaine's speech. JT's mouth hung open as he stared at Blaine, and the other two looked equally shocked. Clearly they weren't used to being called out in front of a teacher. Meanwhile, Kurt looked like he was on the verge of laughter.

'Right,' Coach Beiste said. She pointed at JT's friends. 'You two, I'm letting you off with a warning provided you're outta here in five seconds.' They didn't need telling twice, and when they were gone, Coach Beiste turned again to JT. 'Thompson: Up, you're coming with me.'

'Anderson, you little shit,' JT mouthed at Blaine, looking angry for the first time that Blaine had seen, but Blaine simply smiled amicably.

'Now, Thompson.'

Defeated, JT threw one last dirty look at Blaine before he did as told and stood up.

'I've had it with you,' Coach Beiste said loudly as she marched JT out, and to Blaine's satisfaction they were attracting a lot of attention from other students. 'This makes three times in two weeks. You just lost yourself your starting position on Friday.'

Blaine turned back to Kurt and smirked while they listened to JT's fading protests. Then, suddenly ravenous, he picked up a french fry from his plate, grinning widely.

'Now, where were we? French?'

Blaine's afternoon classes turned out to be a bit of a mixed bag.

French was first after lunch, and it quickly became apparent that Blaine would have to get used to people's stares unless he wanted to run out of this lesson too. Many did try to be subtle about it, but even then not a minute passed without Blaine feeling someone's eyes on him. He wouldn't have minded so much if he hadn't known exactly what they were looking for. It made it difficult for him to concentrate as he got more and more self-conscious and his skin began to crawl with dysphoria.

Was the shape of his face still more feminine than masculine? Were his lips more full than they ought to be? His hands were kind of small, weren't they? What about his chest? Perhaps he shouldn't have let Kurt talk him out of wearing two binders this morning, and it might have been wise not to have shaven either.

At least no one did more than stare. There was no laughter, teasing or snide comments. What the exact reason for that was - Kurt's presence maybe, the students being older and probably more mature than Blaine's Algebra class, or perhaps Blaine's own increased confidence after getting JT in trouble - Blaine wasn't sure. All he knew was that when the bell signaled the end of the lesson, he was able to breathe a sigh of relief and know that he had made it through one lesson alive.

One more to go and then glee club.

'Right,' Kurt said as they stood at Blaine's locker. 'Who's in Geography with you again?'

'Just Tina,' Blaine said. 'Well, and another twenty-five kids staring at me like I just landed from Mars. Or maybe I should say Venus,' he added, only slightly bitter.

'I'm sorry about that,' Kurt said, grimacing in sympathy. 'People suck.'

'It's okay, I guess I can understand why people are curious. I just wish it didn't make me feel so...' Blaine trailed off with a shiver, letting his sentence hang. Kurt touched his arm gently.

'You'll be okay, right?'

'Yeah,' Blaine replied quickly, then added with more certainty, 'Yeah, I'll be fine.'

'Good.' Kurt smiled warmly. 'Then I'll see you here by your locker after, and we'll walk to glee together.'

Blaine nodded, and with one last squeeze of each other's hand, they parted for their respective classes.

When Blaine entered the Geography classroom, his eyes wandered for a moment, stopping abruptly when they found Tina. She was sitting at a different table than usual, a little further back, and it occurred to Blaine that she had probably done that for him. When she looked up after a second or two, her and Blaine's eyes met, and Blaine's mind struggled to decide on a course of action. He chewed his lip for what felt like minutes but was probably only a few seconds until he forced his anxiety aside and walked with sure steps towards Tina's table.

'Hey,' he said, managing to sound relatively normal, if weirdly out of breath. 'This seat taken?'

'No,' Tina said, looking happily surprised as she moved her bag from the chair next to her. 'Not at all, feel free.'

'Thanks.'

Blaine sat down and began to take his things out, trying and failing not to feel awkward, considering the incident that morning and again at lunch. Tina, however, didn't seem bothered at all as she babbled about anything and everything, evidently pretending that today was just like any other day.

The lesson itself went as smoothly as Blaine could have hoped, along the same lines as the previous one, and by the end he almost felt used to the stares.

'You're coming to glee club, right?' Tina said when the bell had rung. 'Rory's been standing in for you during rehearsal, and, well, the rap really doesn't work in an Irish accent.'

Blaine snorted as he stood and swung his bag over his shoulder. 'Yeah, I'm coming. But I'm meeting up with Kurt first, so I'll just, I'll see you in there in ten?'

'Yeah, sure,' Tina said, waving Blaine off with a smile.

Moving through the hallways towards his locker, Blaine felt his heart-rate, stable since Coach Beiste had hauled JT out of the cafeteria, begin to pick up again. He was about to see his friends - really properly see them - for the first time since the truth had come out, and this felt different from any lesson he had attended today. The reactions of these fourteen people, how they would treat him going forward, was more important to him than the opinions and stares of a thousand anonymous students put together.

And now was the time to find out what they were.

Or it would be ten minutes from now, when Kurt had given him that last minute pep talk and Blaine had gathered the courage to actually go through with it.

When Blaine neared his locker, the hallways were already crowded with people rushing to get home, but Kurt didn't seem to have arrived yet. Of course Blaine had practically run out of class the moment the bell had rung, so he was early. Figuring that Kurt would be there soon enough, he went ahead and opened his locker, humming to himself while he sorted his things.

A buzz in his pocket interrupted Blaine before he was done, and he pulled out his phone expecting a message from his mom or dad, or maybe Cooper. He frowned when he saw that it was from Sebastian.

Hey, so are you still mad at me?

Blaine stared at the message. Had he not been clear the last time they had spoken? Can you give me a reason why I shouldn't be? he texted back, barely stopping himself from giving an irritated sigh.

Blaine glanced at the time on his phone, wondering vaguely where Kurt was. The crowd here was starting to thin, most people already on their way home now. Kurt must be stopping by his own locker on the way here, Blaine reasoned just as Sebastian's reply came through.

I said I was sorry.

Blaine rolled his eyes and typed out the first words that occurred to him, Oh you're SORRY? Well, that just makes it all better, and hit send before he could wonder if his reply was too snarky. He sorted the last of his things and slammed his locker shut just as his phone buzzed once more.

...I guess there's no chance that wasn't sarcasm?

Blaine stared at the message, trying to think of words to make Sebastian understand that he wanted nothing to do with him, but after a moment he simply navigated away from his messages instead, deciding that he did not owe it to Sebastian to keep replying. It occurred to Blaine then that a mere two or three months ago, coming to that decision would have been much more difficult, and the idea that it was so easy now felt strangely empowering.

Blaine was just in the process of pocketing his phone when he heard footsteps approaching him, and he looked up wearing a cheerful smile. Maybe he wouldn't need the pep talk after all.

'Hey Kurt, I-'

Except the person Blaine was faced with was not Kurt at all, nor was it any of his friends. It wasn't even just one person.

It was JT with his two friends from lunch, and none of them looked at all pleased.

Continue to ch. 12