sometimes crying does help - but feeling like I was going to cry for 75% of every waking part of the day was just too much - and when the first medication took away my ability to cry without taking away the feeling of wanting/needing to, it was just painful. Fortunately, the newest medication seems to just be leveling me off, instead of completely removing my ability to express emotion.
The reason I haven't told the family is because my mum has depression - shes suffered with her nerves since she was 15 - and shes 55 now. But also, no one's ever allowed to be worse off than her - for eg, despite the fact that I have all the same symptoms, she is adamant I cannot have psoriasis, because SHE is the one that has to suffer from that. I just can't be bothered with the backlash to be honest.
I'm very lucky that when I was first diagnosed the people I had to inform (in my previous job) were really understanding and supportive. I also have a close friend who has gone through a similar thing (was diagnosed with depression about a year ago) and shes been soooooooooooo great. A few of my friends know; a girl in work listens (although I don't feel she really understands - she talks about me 'getting off the meds' asap and states that the amount of chocolate I eat could be affecting me, but she DOES listen)
I think that a main problem is that I have zero self-confidence. I'm hoping that this might be something that can be resolved through the counselling that I'm starting this week.
One issue the counseller said she thinks I have (we've spoken over the phone so she could do an initial assessment) is 'social phobia', so she suggested I sign up for a course - something that would give me no option but to interact with people I don't know. So I've signed up for a course in stand up comedy! Couldn't be any more different than my day job, but I'm hoping the practice in public speaking might assist me both with my job and my confidence.
but seriously, thank you for commenting and for beliving in me - I really do appreciate it.
your analogy is spot on!
sometimes crying does help - but feeling like I was going to cry for 75% of every waking part of the day was just too much - and when the first medication took away my ability to cry without taking away the feeling of wanting/needing to, it was just painful. Fortunately, the newest medication seems to just be leveling me off, instead of completely removing my ability to express emotion.
The reason I haven't told the family is because my mum has depression - shes suffered with her nerves since she was 15 - and shes 55 now. But also, no one's ever allowed to be worse off than her - for eg, despite the fact that I have all the same symptoms, she is adamant I cannot have psoriasis, because SHE is the one that has to suffer from that. I just can't be bothered with the backlash to be honest.
I'm very lucky that when I was first diagnosed the people I had to inform (in my previous job) were really understanding and supportive. I also have a close friend who has gone through a similar thing (was diagnosed with depression about a year ago) and shes been soooooooooooo great. A few of my friends know; a girl in work listens (although I don't feel she really understands - she talks about me 'getting off the meds' asap and states that the amount of chocolate I eat could be affecting me, but she DOES listen)
I think that a main problem is that I have zero self-confidence. I'm hoping that this might be something that can be resolved through the counselling that I'm starting this week.
One issue the counseller said she thinks I have (we've spoken over the phone so she could do an initial assessment) is 'social phobia', so she suggested I sign up for a course - something that would give me no option but to interact with people I don't know. So I've signed up for a course in stand up comedy! Couldn't be any more different than my day job, but I'm hoping the practice in public speaking might assist me both with my job and my confidence.
but seriously, thank you for commenting and for beliving in me - I really do appreciate it.
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