"I've Got My Things I'm Good To Go...
You met me at the terminal, just one more plane ride then it's done, we stood like statues at the gate, vacations come and gone too late, theres so much sun where I'm from, I had to give it away, I had to give you away, and we spend four days on an island at your familys old hotel, sometimes perfection can be, it can be perfect hell, perfect, hours pass and she still counts the minutes that I am not there, I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this, like every inch of me is bruised, and don't fly fast, oh pilot can you help me? Can make this last? This plane is all I got, so keep it steady now, cause every inch you see is... bruised, I lace my chucks, I walk the aisle, I take my pills, the babies cry, all I hear is what's playing through the in flight radio, now every word, of every song, I ever heard, that made me wanna stay, is what's playing through the in flight radio, and I, and I am finally waking up, hours pass and she still counts the minutes that I am not there, I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this, like every inch of me is bruised, bruised, don't fly fast, oh pilot can you help me? Can you make this last? This plane is all I've got so keep it steady now, cause every inch you see is bruised..."
I thought this blog would be more fitting for my livejournal instead of my myspace blog cause this type of feeling has been seen before on here. I am hours before a emotional breakdown. I can feel it coming like cattle senses rain. My wires seem crossed. I never really knew what that meant, and maybe I'm not using it in correct format right now, but all the good things that have happened in the last week make me feel sad, alone, and depressed. Yet all the shitty things that have gone by don't effect me at all. I'm about to go skydiving without a parachute by moving to California, yet I feel this plane I'm on is crashing anyways. I had a really good time last night at this party I went to. I feel like a girl by looking into everything right now, and I'm starting to feel stress of life coming back to me. I feel like going and laying down, listening to some more Jack's Mannequin and crying. Except my bed is no longer here, it's at my brothers now cause we moved it. Being strong has never been more important in my life, and if I'm not strong I'm going to fail miserably, I need to get things together. I need to stop being a thirteen year old girl, and set some goals, get things together. Move where ever I'm going to move to, whether it's Cali, NY, NC, it doesn't matter, I need to go someplace, get an apartment, get a job, work on getting my license back, revive my credit, maybe go to school? Meet a Girl? This past year has by far been a lonely one, and I don't see it getting any better. I've met a good amount of girls this past year. I've been into some, some have been into me, I've realized that isn't the problem. It's my life status. I'm a high school graduate, who is almost already having a midlife crisis. I'm trying to move across the country with no plans money job or home. Even if I were stable here, it still seems almost all the girls I meet are in college, and I can't date a college girl, that's been ruined for me. Plus most girls in college as much as they don't like college/frat-like guys, even worse are townies. I find it hard relating to anyone at all. I sometimes feel like I'm the only intelligent person who didn't go to college. Which I know is complete bullshit, I'm not saying thats true, but I just feel it, I feel everyone is in some form of school and "bettering" themselves, while I'm sitting around with my thumb up my ass crying about how i cant get a girl or a break in life. I feel by moving to Cali (or wherever) it's going to get me out of this routine I've fallen in, and just hopefully give me some emotional stability.
I'm trying to do things my way. I'm trying not to step on heads, or take advantage of anyone, I don't want to mooch or depend on anyone. I don't want to have anyone depend on me. I feel like proving the nice guy can finish first... but so far I'm still at the starting line and the race is almost over...
I thought this blog would be more fitting for my livejournal instead of my myspace blog cause this type of feeling has been seen before on here. I am hours before a emotional breakdown. I can feel it coming like cattle senses rain. My wires seem crossed. I never really knew what that meant, and maybe I'm not using it in correct format right now, but all the good things that have happened in the last week make me feel sad, alone, and depressed. Yet all the shitty things that have gone by don't effect me at all. I'm about to go skydiving without a parachute by moving to California, yet I feel this plane I'm on is crashing anyways. I had a really good time last night at this party I went to. I feel like a girl by looking into everything right now, and I'm starting to feel stress of life coming back to me. I feel like going and laying down, listening to some more Jack's Mannequin and crying. Except my bed is no longer here, it's at my brothers now cause we moved it. Being strong has never been more important in my life, and if I'm not strong I'm going to fail miserably, I need to get things together. I need to stop being a thirteen year old girl, and set some goals, get things together. Move where ever I'm going to move to, whether it's Cali, NY, NC, it doesn't matter, I need to go someplace, get an apartment, get a job, work on getting my license back, revive my credit, maybe go to school? Meet a Girl? This past year has by far been a lonely one, and I don't see it getting any better. I've met a good amount of girls this past year. I've been into some, some have been into me, I've realized that isn't the problem. It's my life status. I'm a high school graduate, who is almost already having a midlife crisis. I'm trying to move across the country with no plans money job or home. Even if I were stable here, it still seems almost all the girls I meet are in college, and I can't date a college girl, that's been ruined for me. Plus most girls in college as much as they don't like college/frat-like guys, even worse are townies. I find it hard relating to anyone at all. I sometimes feel like I'm the only intelligent person who didn't go to college. Which I know is complete bullshit, I'm not saying thats true, but I just feel it, I feel everyone is in some form of school and "bettering" themselves, while I'm sitting around with my thumb up my ass crying about how i cant get a girl or a break in life. I feel by moving to Cali (or wherever) it's going to get me out of this routine I've fallen in, and just hopefully give me some emotional stability.
I'm trying to do things my way. I'm trying not to step on heads, or take advantage of anyone, I don't want to mooch or depend on anyone. I don't want to have anyone depend on me. I feel like proving the nice guy can finish first... but so far I'm still at the starting line and the race is almost over...