a few short hours........
i know its been only a few hours since i posted, but oh well.... its my life, right now i feel........ damn, thats hard, i'm annoyed, disapointed, heartbroken, all sorts of great stuff..... tonight at Kim and Patricks apartment, i was having fun at first then my night has gotten progressively worse, i found out that one of the girls i like, the one who seemed to click with the most recently is now dating/hooked up with another guy, a guy who everyone else thought was attractive but no, he has to end up with the one i like, yeah for small broken hearts, yea for stuff not ever going my way, yea, yea, yea!! It feels like everyone has a partner, both of the physical kind but also like that one person who they are always with, i don't feel like i have that anymore, i have lots of "friends" but no real friends, i hate this, i hate not being able to tell people about whom I like, being afraid of gossip and crap, its tiring, its one of the reasons i wanted an escape from Wright State, i love WSU and everyone here but I want "me" space, space where I'm recognized, space where I'm liked and popular, and in some ways that place was at Fraze, but now everyone is gonna be there this summer, yea for losing personal escape space. Tonight Sarah asked me in a drunk IM convo whether I still liked Sydney, yeah, i do... i still find Syd attractive and to be an amazing person, but am I going to try anything more, nope, its not worth it..... nothing is worth my attempts anymore, this happens all the time, i realize i like a certain person and I end up miserable. I just don't get it anymore, how is life so unfair? why do certain friends of mine end up hooking up with a guy who has a repuatation as a player, why in God's name do ppl find this fucker attractive? i dunno, why does it seem like any progress i make towards what would be a fun relationship, i end up 4 steps behind where i was.
So, add that to my normal insecurities and you have one depressed me. no quotes, no jokes, just me, out there on the internet and possibly being broadcast into outer space, dunno, could be, dunno. This is the end, I don't know who will even read this far, I don't know if anyone cares to read this far........
So, add that to my normal insecurities and you have one depressed me. no quotes, no jokes, just me, out there on the internet and possibly being broadcast into outer space, dunno, could be, dunno. This is the end, I don't know who will even read this far, I don't know if anyone cares to read this far........