Human of the Year
I think I have over-stayed my welcome at my dad's... Well part of me feels that way and the other part of me just feels like he's in no place to help anyone because he can't even help himself. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad and I am grateful for everything he's done for me this past 6 months or so, but at the same time, he stresses me out. Lately he's in this constant state of "freak out" because he can't seem to get a grip on his life. He's almost 46 years old but yet he can't seem to make good responsible decisions... And I just don't want to be around that right now. I'm working on getting me figured out. How can I sit there and figure out me if everything that he's been doing lately is prohibiting me from making any progress. I'm not blaming my father, that's not what I mean, I just mean that while his intentions are good, nothing good is going to happen for me if I continue to live with my father. I'm going to continue living in a constant time warp, where days pass and nothing has changed. And I can't have that. At this point, my biggest fear is to turn out like my father....
I don't know where I am going to go, I don't know how things are going to get better. But I think it's time for a change in scenery. I spent six months at my dad's hoping that something good would happen and it hasn't. I spent six months hoping that I would find my way, hoping that I would receive support and guidance and I didn't get any of that. I would talk to my dad genuinely needing advice and guidance about things and he just never offered it. He never offered me anything. All he did was let me live there... which, I am grateful for... but emotionally I was on my own, and I didn't figure it out there, so it's time to move on. It's time to move out.
I am hoping by some miracle something will happen. Something good will open its doors to me. It's not really as if I have a choice anyway... My dad is moving at the end of next month anyway and I don't know where he's going or if he's even planning on taking me with him.
I face so many unknowns in life right now. It's a really scary thing to let go of the wheel and trust that it's all going to work out. Even though school is set out in front of me, even that is an unknown that I am facing right now. I mean, I don't even know that it's going to work. Not knowing where I'm going to live, or how I'm going to get from point A to point B, really puts the stress on for how I'm going to make school my number one priority. I want school to be a priority for me. I want it to be as important as I know it is in my heart. I want everything else to just leave me alone so that I can finish school in peace and be proud of what I've done. I don't want to focus on everything else life wants to throw at me to knock me down, I want to focus on school and working hard to make it worth it...
At this point, moving back in with my mom isn't really an option. I don't really have options... I'm in a catch 22. Someone could offer me a place to live but what it comes down to is the fact that I don't have a car... So I could live somewhere, but if I don't have a way to get to school or to find a way to a job then what's the point? Or, say by some miracle someone offered me a car... Well, I couldn't drive it anyway because I can't pay for insurance or for gas. So I need a job. But I need a way to get to the job. And I need a place to live... So really it just never ends. I don't know how I got here or how I will ever get out...
We'll see I guess...
I don't know where I am going to go, I don't know how things are going to get better. But I think it's time for a change in scenery. I spent six months at my dad's hoping that something good would happen and it hasn't. I spent six months hoping that I would find my way, hoping that I would receive support and guidance and I didn't get any of that. I would talk to my dad genuinely needing advice and guidance about things and he just never offered it. He never offered me anything. All he did was let me live there... which, I am grateful for... but emotionally I was on my own, and I didn't figure it out there, so it's time to move on. It's time to move out.
I am hoping by some miracle something will happen. Something good will open its doors to me. It's not really as if I have a choice anyway... My dad is moving at the end of next month anyway and I don't know where he's going or if he's even planning on taking me with him.
I face so many unknowns in life right now. It's a really scary thing to let go of the wheel and trust that it's all going to work out. Even though school is set out in front of me, even that is an unknown that I am facing right now. I mean, I don't even know that it's going to work. Not knowing where I'm going to live, or how I'm going to get from point A to point B, really puts the stress on for how I'm going to make school my number one priority. I want school to be a priority for me. I want it to be as important as I know it is in my heart. I want everything else to just leave me alone so that I can finish school in peace and be proud of what I've done. I don't want to focus on everything else life wants to throw at me to knock me down, I want to focus on school and working hard to make it worth it...
At this point, moving back in with my mom isn't really an option. I don't really have options... I'm in a catch 22. Someone could offer me a place to live but what it comes down to is the fact that I don't have a car... So I could live somewhere, but if I don't have a way to get to school or to find a way to a job then what's the point? Or, say by some miracle someone offered me a car... Well, I couldn't drive it anyway because I can't pay for insurance or for gas. So I need a job. But I need a way to get to the job. And I need a place to live... So really it just never ends. I don't know how I got here or how I will ever get out...
We'll see I guess...