Letting go of an old friend.
My body has told me it really is time to let go of an old friend. Flour products I really will miss you. the time I spent not eating you and having a normal tummy vs. now where I've been eating you; is just night and day. So tomorrow going back to no flour products and no soda. :: eats antacids::
I've been having a lot of anxiety issues lately, things have been quite stressful emotionally especially; the inevitable loss of my father weighing heavily on my shoulders. The guilt of not being able to make it down there to see him, eating away at me.. I've really shut down this week, barely done any school work. Just...been in survival mode really. I hate being this way, I know it's not healthy for me. But, right now it's all I can do to just make it through sometimes.
I have been just really choosing my battles lately as well, I stopped reading a lot on face book because, it just pisses me off to no extent. Between Rachel and her posts of how well she's doing but, she hasn't said a word to me. I am not surprised, and it makes it easier to let go like I need to do. but man it really boils my blood sometimes. It's like buying something new and frivolous when you owe someone money; that just gets my goat too. Why? cause I'm a door mat and people know it, is what it comes down to. I've had so many guys hit on me this last few weeks, nice guys too... and I've just told them to drop dead. Because I am so under the impression that everyone's out to use you, they use you and leave you. When your no longer useful. Or only talk to you when they remember you exist. IM trying a bit of a fresh start, she's beautiful, smart, and nice and feisty as well. Very, upfront and understanding and knows that I'm shy and sometimes I need a push and she's always been able to do that for me. I'll be taking her on a date soon and maybe it'll go some where or maybe I'll just rekindle a friendship with an old friend. Either way it's a win. she made me join her poly group today, Im okay with all sorts of relatinoships so it's all good; she's a bit.... interesting so we shall see.
I feel overwhelmed at times', but then totally just isolated. I think it's time to start letting go of the past and knowing it's over and start looking for my future. Maybe someone who will fight for me just as much as I fight for them; but I doubt it. Or ever believes in silly love songs anymore anyway.
I've been having a lot of anxiety issues lately, things have been quite stressful emotionally especially; the inevitable loss of my father weighing heavily on my shoulders. The guilt of not being able to make it down there to see him, eating away at me.. I've really shut down this week, barely done any school work. Just...been in survival mode really. I hate being this way, I know it's not healthy for me. But, right now it's all I can do to just make it through sometimes.
I have been just really choosing my battles lately as well, I stopped reading a lot on face book because, it just pisses me off to no extent. Between Rachel and her posts of how well she's doing but, she hasn't said a word to me. I am not surprised, and it makes it easier to let go like I need to do. but man it really boils my blood sometimes. It's like buying something new and frivolous when you owe someone money; that just gets my goat too. Why? cause I'm a door mat and people know it, is what it comes down to. I've had so many guys hit on me this last few weeks, nice guys too... and I've just told them to drop dead. Because I am so under the impression that everyone's out to use you, they use you and leave you. When your no longer useful. Or only talk to you when they remember you exist. IM trying a bit of a fresh start, she's beautiful, smart, and nice and feisty as well. Very, upfront and understanding and knows that I'm shy and sometimes I need a push and she's always been able to do that for me. I'll be taking her on a date soon and maybe it'll go some where or maybe I'll just rekindle a friendship with an old friend. Either way it's a win. she made me join her poly group today, Im okay with all sorts of relatinoships so it's all good; she's a bit.... interesting so we shall see.
I feel overwhelmed at times', but then totally just isolated. I think it's time to start letting go of the past and knowing it's over and start looking for my future. Maybe someone who will fight for me just as much as I fight for them; but I doubt it. Or ever believes in silly love songs anymore anyway.