Quel un bon vacances!

[illoeanta]

I can't help but feel burned out. Some people could relate to me right now. In fact, as I've often said before, it is never really hard to relate to anybody in the human race because we all have atleast one thing in common. We all feel. I'm not going to set aside an exception for those you may find in the closed wards of mental institutions or any other person to that mildest affect. We all feel, we all have felt, We all will feel. I like feelings, both good and bad. It is as the age-old yin and yang complex. There must be a propper balance of good and bad in order to live a happy and content life. Maybe more bad things might happen to me than good.That's only because the balance of my life is frontloaded so it may be better later. Or atleast, I hope so. To be honest, I just tell myself that so I feel better. So no matter how bad things seem I have something to look forward to. In any case, I realize it's something we all do. We as humans are fantastic manipulators. In fact I'm so good at it, I've come to like to live like the music and movies I watch. . .tragic. I may have said it before but everyone's life has a metaphor behind it. I am the pieces of a blue china dish that has been neglected for almost a century after being dropped onto a marble floor inside of an abandoned palace. It's never entirely dark. I'm covered with dust and the sun barely reflects off of me anymore. It is a tragic metaphor, and at the same time, beautiful. I remember a young lady, she always used to tell me to "smile." She write songs about me and draw me pictures and tell me she loves me. I think back upon it now and smile, but I couldn't then. I would ask myself why? But what's the point in asking a one word question that can never be answered to satisfaction? It can easily be countered with a simple "why not?" and then the continuous loop of rhetoric begins. Things are. Sometimes I get carried away with what happened. I should be focusing on what is happening. I should consider what will happen, and know what happened. That explanation may have been out of order, be I take it that anybody reading would take the time to try to understand. When it comes right down to it, I do nothing but type rubbish on this live journal. In fact on my last entry, somebody commented back by saying - "idiot." Well, I grant to that person I may very well be, and I really don't care, but atleast if I were to bad mouth them I would not be as much of a coward by keeping my identity as anonymous. If there's one thing I admire about people anymore, it's honesty. I've learned how important honesty is. It is something very dear to me. After honesty comes loyalty. Realizing, nobody makes 'em like me anymore, I figure loyalty is hard to come by. This brings me to my next topic. Living for the simple things in life is fine and dandy and you may have a balance of good and bad. Alright, so you'd be doing well if you had that combination, or atleast you would if you manipulated situations like me. But what happens when things get really bad and you haven't anyone to tell you that things are ok. Humans are delicate and social. I've been down that path during some very hard times in my life and I turned out ok. Not the best mental health in the world, but for the most part, I'm not a raving lunatic. It's human, I tell myself. Something that everyone goes through. Yet it just doesn't seem to satisfy the feeling. I try to get over myself. . .damn hormones, it's all your fault. Yet I think it's more than that. Sometimes we feel the way we do, not because things are going bad, or because of our hormones, but because we continue to find things unexpected in our universe as we explore it. I'm not saying we're all cosmonauts, I'm merely conveying that while hormones and circumstance influence our feelings, our perception of the influences is probably more important. It follows the same principle of the debate that kids are more violent because of TV, Music, and Videogames Vs. Bad parenting. Well, why do we have to blame it all one thing, perhaps sometimes, it's a combination of bad parenting and cultural entertainment. Or perhaps it's none of them. Maybe each case is different, and then nobody must rule out the possibility that some people are inherently evil. This gives way to the debate nature vs. nurture. I say both are important in anybody's upbringing. Which brings me back to what I originally said about having a balance of things. I'm a little off balance right now. I don't feel well emotionally. Well, what else is new hei? I'll be alright, and for the time being I feel ok. I'm most worried about being forgotten than anything, but all things considered, I would hesitate to say I'm lucky being who I am, but I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through anything I do. I'm sure quite a lot of you will feel that way in your life time too. So, as common feeling that I acknowledge, I want to say I'm glad I'm not any of you, and I want to thank you all for being yourselves. Ciao!

~ Le russe qui parle français