not breaking
I have every inclination to believe that Jess, maybe Austins family, maybe even Austin himself reads my journal now. As well as Kelby, who, despite saying he doesnt want to be with me anymore, cant actually go a day without wanting to know what Im doing. (you cant let go of me any more than I can let go of you!) and the thought has entered my mind a few times that maybe I should make this private, or maybe I should censor what I write, or maybe I should just flat out lie about.. whatever to make whoevers reading this think one thing or another. But thats not WHY I made my journal so thats not going to happen. I dont censor how I feel on the inside, so if Im having a bad day and want to get it out, and decide to write in MY journal, then they- whoever "they" are that are reading- can deal with it. I posted the link to this journal on my Myspace. I made my Myspace for MY FRIENDS. And actually, I very specifically state on my page that I dont want "friends" I dont know. Now, there is no saying that just because people arent on my friends list that they dont access my page, thats probably not only feasable but altogether true. But the way I see it, if you go snooping for something where you know youre not necessarily invited, then you will get what you were hoping to see. I have never lied about who I am, or how I feel, or things Ive done. I never will. If you want to know me, I am an open book and more than happy to share whatever I have to share with anyone. In recent months, I have met some AMAZING new friends, who I cant ever imagine my life without again, and Ive also discovered people I thought I knew, I didnt really know at all. And thats why I write. So that nobody can ever say they "thought they knew me". I am blatant, upfront, and desperately honest from day 1. And despite what some people think, I have no reason to lie. About ANYTHING. I have made a hundred thousand mistakes in my life, alot of which i wouldnt change, but a handful I would, and some of those mistakes have hurt people I care alot about. And ALOT of those mistakes have hurt me. But Im learning. Ill always continue learning. And I love knowing that something better lies ahead, and that possibilities are endless. I love knowing that the people who are really very special to me, will probably always be in my life in one way or another. So, to those who want to read this, out of spite or out of mistrust (*cough cough*) or out of love or out of just plain NOSEYNESS, please read on.