destructive forces have blown me off course
there are many moments in life that I feel have been "life changing moments." After these moments something will seem new, or at least drastically different than it did before, and this new perception will then cause some sort of profound change in my life, all be it most of these changes are purely in my mentality concerning some aspect of life, but these moments are life changing none the less.
And then it seems that momths later I can't even remember what that life changing altered perception was, and I don't know if that's becuase I don't remember how something looked before, or even that it was different to me, or if it's becuase I've completely forgotten whatever it was I learned in that moment. Maybe I'm just some sort of scatter-brained psychotic tweak.
I'm in Plainfield for the duraction of October. I have been for the last week and a half as well. I'm taking a hiatus from St. cloud to ensure that I don't get so god damned lost again. And by that I mean that I've finally recognized that my life was spiraling out of control and that I was no longer heading in any sort of direction that was leading me to my goals. In fact I'm pretty sure I had no goals at all other than getting fucked up with my friends. I was so lost, and had been so lost for so long that I had become familiar with the forest in which i was lost in. The forest which I once saw as dangerous and scary had become my haven. I was now at home in the lion's lair. A scary thought indeed. I packed up my things before the lion ate me. At the end of the month I'm moving back to st. cloud to rejoin my friends, but this time I'll be looking at things through fog proof lenses, and if I get lost i will only have my self to blame as I know have a map to this enchanged forest. Life is a wild ride. At least mine is. And I love it. I also loathe it at times.
I watched spiderman 2 today and found myself relating to Peter Parker quite well. It was almost as if he and I were the same person struggling with the same problems, except he was a super hero, and I wasn't. But anyway, he talked about giving up your dreams sometimes to stay the course, to do the right thing esentially. Sometimes I have to realize that just because I want something doesnt mean it's right for me. I need to resist temptation and start doing thigns that will take me in the right direction, not just things that get me what I want right now. I need to remember that things too easily attained are often too good to be true.
I don't like spiders at all. Charlotte and her web are cool and all but I don't like spiders. they give me the creeps. I don't like their webs, I dont like how creepy they look, I dont like that they are poisonus, I just don't like them. ew. But spiderman is pretty cool, I'd definately like to be able to be spidey.
I miss my beard. I'll grow it back when the ground frosts over. Until then I think I'll stay at least semi shaven. or maybe I wont shave again. who knows. every day I battle myself over weather to grow the beard or not. Even when I have my beard I often think of shaving it off, but usually talk myself down.
goodnite
if you're going to be at the homecoming game on saturday I'll see you there. If not, well then I won't. Peace easy.
And then it seems that momths later I can't even remember what that life changing altered perception was, and I don't know if that's becuase I don't remember how something looked before, or even that it was different to me, or if it's becuase I've completely forgotten whatever it was I learned in that moment. Maybe I'm just some sort of scatter-brained psychotic tweak.
I'm in Plainfield for the duraction of October. I have been for the last week and a half as well. I'm taking a hiatus from St. cloud to ensure that I don't get so god damned lost again. And by that I mean that I've finally recognized that my life was spiraling out of control and that I was no longer heading in any sort of direction that was leading me to my goals. In fact I'm pretty sure I had no goals at all other than getting fucked up with my friends. I was so lost, and had been so lost for so long that I had become familiar with the forest in which i was lost in. The forest which I once saw as dangerous and scary had become my haven. I was now at home in the lion's lair. A scary thought indeed. I packed up my things before the lion ate me. At the end of the month I'm moving back to st. cloud to rejoin my friends, but this time I'll be looking at things through fog proof lenses, and if I get lost i will only have my self to blame as I know have a map to this enchanged forest. Life is a wild ride. At least mine is. And I love it. I also loathe it at times.
I watched spiderman 2 today and found myself relating to Peter Parker quite well. It was almost as if he and I were the same person struggling with the same problems, except he was a super hero, and I wasn't. But anyway, he talked about giving up your dreams sometimes to stay the course, to do the right thing esentially. Sometimes I have to realize that just because I want something doesnt mean it's right for me. I need to resist temptation and start doing thigns that will take me in the right direction, not just things that get me what I want right now. I need to remember that things too easily attained are often too good to be true.
I don't like spiders at all. Charlotte and her web are cool and all but I don't like spiders. they give me the creeps. I don't like their webs, I dont like how creepy they look, I dont like that they are poisonus, I just don't like them. ew. But spiderman is pretty cool, I'd definately like to be able to be spidey.
I miss my beard. I'll grow it back when the ground frosts over. Until then I think I'll stay at least semi shaven. or maybe I wont shave again. who knows. every day I battle myself over weather to grow the beard or not. Even when I have my beard I often think of shaving it off, but usually talk myself down.
goodnite
if you're going to be at the homecoming game on saturday I'll see you there. If not, well then I won't. Peace easy.