moving is hard
i spent the weekend moving stuff to my new place. it was weird to crawl into bed in my new room last night. i didn't feel ready and despite all the excitement and expectation, didn't feel quite right. there are still a lot of loose ends to tie up and more stuff to move, but i will be out before the week is over. and then the conversation...ugh. it needs to happen this week as well and it is scary and sad and i am dreading it and feeling guilty for not having said something already. things are suddenly more real and not just big plans. turns out that real is a lot more intimidating. it sucks to go from feeling so sure footed and settled to shaken up and stressed out. i know a lot of this is hanging around right now because i'm tired and sore and just want to go back to bed instead of sitting here smiling and acting pleasant. i wish i could take the day off to get everything arranged and unpacked. getting that done will help. i do wish i was moving into my OWN PLACE. i hate having to ask if i can drill holes in the wall, replace light fixtures, fix the wall socket etc... i hate that i am almost 29 and having to make due and settle on 'good enough' instead of living where i really want. i'd even take my crappy shoebox of an apartment back if i could just afford it. but, this will be good right? fun roommates and a whole room to make stuff in and a new neighborhood and.... i want the excitement back now please. or more money. lots more money. or any money actually.. that would be a good start. *sigh*