Waiting.....
Hey incase your wondering. life sucks. I'm not happy. I have everything going for me that doesn't really matter. I have a job. k thats good. I'm doing really good in school. k??? so what. I have a couple true friends. thats john, ross, christy, and laura. Everyone else is just someone to waste time with. I wish I had more free time to have fun. I work way to fucking much. I barely got my lines memorized for the play and i barely have any. Im asking my employer to work me less cause i have no time for homework. realy its because i have lost all of my social life that i did have which was pretty sucky anyway. I wish i was closer to the people at school but i dont have time and starting to not really care about anything. I am about burnt out. I look like i have an endless supply of energy but i don't. Its catching up to me but im holding on. Actually my load of school work ended a lil bit and just got easier because i just turned it my projects all i got left thats hard is 8 essays for Us history Ap and then i'll be done. ya im doing that this weekend. I want more friends and i'd rather them be girls because most guys are into sports and i have never watched a game of baseball in my life. I went one time to a game and ended up paying more attention to my nachoes w/ cheese...mmmmmmm. I think i wondered why people were on the field. It was about seven years ago. most girls are into how they look and like to look pretty and i kinda like to do that to. damnit why am i so shy at school and work. I barely say nething and when i do i always sound like im fucking smart and i seriously could care less that i am. ya its nice to not have to study for nething but i'd rather just get rid of my shyness. I freeze up when near people and say nothing. I say a little bit but not much. I wish i had the self esteem of this guy at my store that i work at. He is so sure of himself that someone could have a bf and he still constantly lets them know how hot they are or how much he likes them. I wish i could do that. I sound like a fucking little kid right now because of the way i am wishing. Maybe i should stop wishing and just do it. I've went over this a million times in my head and i don't really think its gonna make a difference this time. Why can't i just believe in myself I know I'm cute or hot. Atleast in my opinion and in the opinion of alot of others. I just wish the girls in some of my classes would be easier to open up to. I wish that I could have my day. I've had days that are really good before but not in a while and never do i remember a good day at school. I'm gonna make my wants reality and will become a more asseritive person. I can be funny as hell when known well; if only i could be that way when barely known. I guess i'm an appreciated taste like sushi. I just wish someone would taste my raw fish.