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[ilantia]

It's always nice to see Jesse. I miss hanging out with 'the old gang' as I like to put it when I'm being fairly uncreative and lame. But, at the same time, it always puts me in turmoil. On the one hand, I feel newly inspired to Do Something, to Make It Happen, to finally get around to Being Someone, to Finding Success. But on the other hand, I am

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[ilantia]

Oh, thats the easy question. The answer is: the little part of me that WANTS me to be miserable. If I fail, if I put on weight, it makes me unhappy, which satisfies the emotional-self-masochism demon. If there is a difficult situation, I make it worse on purpose, even whilst screaming to myself (mentally) "Nooooooooooooo! Don't do it!!!" because it makes me more upset, and the ESM demon says this is a Good Thing. And when I get depressed, it tries to tell me to stop eating/sleeping and sit up all night in the corner without a blanket cos I deserve it (I haven't done this in a while, mostly because the carpet in my new house is not that nice to sit on, but also the ESM demon gave up because I always ended up crawling back into bed once I started to fall asleep and stopped listening to it)

I guess the moral of the story is, When You Are Sleeping, Everything Is Ok, So Sleep Lots.

No, seriously.

However I did buy a bicycle today and rode home from uni. I'm going to try and ride to uni every day (unless its raining) instead of taking the train. This is both excercise, and appeals to me because I don't like to pay for train tickets (it will pay itself off in less than a year). However, this now makes 4 days (2 days of riding to uni, and 2 days of dance) that I don't need to go to the gym. So, waste of money on that eh.