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[ilantia]

It's always nice to see Jesse. I miss hanging out with 'the old gang' as I like to put it when I'm being fairly uncreative and lame. But, at the same time, it always puts me in turmoil. On the one hand, I feel newly inspired to Do Something, to Make It Happen, to finally get around to Being Someone, to Finding Success. But on the other hand, I am

Comments

[nightcity]

As much as I hate sounding like some Little Book of Crap, I have one and only one vague suggestion. Don't do the all-or-nothing thing. It doesn't work. Or, to follow the LBoC format more closely (*ahem*): Don't look for success, look for improvement. Don't try to be brilliant, try to be better.

It may not be exactly what you want, but it's more like what you want than endless cycles of everything-nothing-no-really-I-mean-it-this-time. I know you have ridiculously high standards for yourself and you probably feel like you ought to be disciplined enough to just jump straight into an intensive self-improvement program (lol @ personal experience), but given that that hasn't worked thus far it may be time to (paradoxically) cut yourself a little slack in order to stop slacking off.

Like, I dunno, instead of vowing to go to the gym for an hour a day and always read the paper, hit the gym three times a week and skim the headlines on the Age website or the SBS news homepage. Then once you've made that part of your routine you can start working harder. If you want to make a general improvement plan, go about things in a different way than usual- like if you usually have a punishment/reward system for yourself, don't use it. Otherwise your brain gets into stupid patterns and says "well, I failed at this last time, might as well do it again!" or "oh yeah, that rule, I know it'll never be enforced". Stupid brain.

[nightcity]

Oh yeah, and one other really convoluted point (which is quite dear to my heart at the moment 'cos I quit smoking); if I think I want to do something, but I end up repeatedly not doing it and I don't know why, it's generally because I have some subconscious reason for not wanting it which is more powerful than my wanting-to-do-it-ness. You may want to find out if you have something like that lurking in the back of your head, and, if so, what it might be.

[ilantia]

Oh, thats the easy question. The answer is: the little part of me that WANTS me to be miserable. If I fail, if I put on weight, it makes me unhappy, which satisfies the emotional-self-masochism demon. If there is a difficult situation, I make it worse on purpose, even whilst screaming to myself (mentally) "Nooooooooooooo! Don't do it!!!" because it makes me more upset, and the ESM demon says this is a Good Thing. And when I get depressed, it tries to tell me to stop eating/sleeping and sit up all night in the corner without a blanket cos I deserve it (I haven't done this in a while, mostly because the carpet in my new house is not that nice to sit on, but also the ESM demon gave up because I always ended up crawling back into bed once I started to fall asleep and stopped listening to it)

I guess the moral of the story is, When You Are Sleeping, Everything Is Ok, So Sleep Lots.

No, seriously.

However I did buy a bicycle today and rode home from uni. I'm going to try and ride to uni every day (unless its raining) instead of taking the train. This is both excercise, and appeals to me because I don't like to pay for train tickets (it will pay itself off in less than a year). However, this now makes 4 days (2 days of riding to uni, and 2 days of dance) that I don't need to go to the gym. So, waste of money on that eh.

[ilantia]

Oh yeah but the cheap helmet I bought looks really ghey.

[riyuen]

Then once you've made that part of your routine you can start working harder.

Maa ne. I think that most of all; you simply have to make a routine for yourself to fall into - once you get going at doing things regularly, it gets easier to keep on doing them.

While I am not unfamiliar with the drive to Improve One's Self and Excel (although I am much more familiar with the (not-?)drives of Laziness, Apathy and Procrastination) I would also be wary of doing too much. (Don't forget to smell the hypothetical roses - we're young and these are supposed to be the fun, best years of our life, no?) You say you need to create yourself, but don't throw everything of the current you away either - she does have good qualities XD.

'cos I quit smoking

I cheer from the sidelines Mwokky!

[nightcity]

I cheer from the sidelines Mwokky!

Six weeks ago! n_n

[nightcity]

oh yeah and those are not drives but walks

[ilantia]

There isn't a thing I like about the current me. I'd throw her away in a second to get a better one.

And yeah these are meant to be fun and good years. But frankly I have a better time with my pockets bulging with money. I know its cold of me, but I love money, and I always have, and I always will. It's funny everybody likes to have money, but not many people will actually say that they LOVE it, methinks. Maybe not many do.