T update: four months
For reference, weeks twelve, ten, eight, six, four, three, two, and one.
I can't believe it's already been four months. Time flies when things are going well, and T is definitely the best thing going on in my life right now. I surprised myself by choosing to continue T even though there are no longer changes I need in order to function, whereas I initially took the plunge only because it became needed rather than "just" wanted.
I'm still using one 1.25 g pump of Androgel 1% daily, applied mostly to my back and sometimes on my hips, shoulders, or abdomen depending on how bad my bacne is. I have "doubled up" once in the past month, when I was traveling and using 2.5 g packets of Androgel 1% -- an all-nighter enabled me to apply three doses in 48 hours so I wouldn't have to throw away half a packet's worth of gel -- but have otherwise not felt the need to reapply when I either bathe or sweat excessively before five hours have passed since applying the gel. When I was using the packets, I tried to give myself a consistent dose of half the contents of each packet. Nonetheless, I noticed that the quantity of gel in each packet is less than two pumps of gel from the bottle. I wonder if I effectively started on a lower dose than what I've had for the past three months and went back to that low dose while traveling.
Voice:
My voice has continued to deepen slightly over the past month. It doesn't feel like it's changing anymore, but my recordings indicate a little change, and my therapist said it was very noticeable. I now pass pretty much everywhere even after I speak, but I still get mixed results over the phone.
Facial hair:
More of the vellous hairs on my face are getting longer, but it's not really any more noticeable than it was a month ago. My sideburns are getting darker, though. It might be time to shave them even though they're not especially obvious. I'm sticking with inaction because I think I will look more masculine as they grow back in, based on past experience; I already pass well enough that new co-workers who just met me in the past week have used masculine pronouns to refer to me, but I'm not entirely out at work. Looking at my family tree, it is unlikely that I'd be able to grow anything worth calling a beard before age 30. Given that I'm starting puberty ten years late and with T levels below that of a healthy male, I think my dreams of facial hair are unrealistic, and I'd rather not deal with regular shaving for the rest of my life with little hope of payoff. Thus facial hair is now the critical factor in determining how long I will remain on T; I will stop once I grow dark or thick hairs meriting shaving, if not sooner for other reasons.
Body hair:
The hair on my legs is really filling in, especially on the backs of my calves and on the lower portions of my thighs. The hair on my lower legs is also becoming curlier, so it's more visible from every angle. My ankles are starting to grow hair, as are the tops of my feet! My pubes now grow longer than they used to. I was hoping they might extend up to form a happy trail, but alas they seem to only extend further in the other direction; my butt crack is getting pretty gnarly and requires more careful cleaning than I'm used to.
Muscles:
My upper arms have gotten more muscular, somewhere between how they were when I was just getting into rock climbing the first time and how they were when I was getting back into rock climbing the second time. I have done virtually nothing to encourage this growth, aside from the occasional pull-up when I see a bar. I am also developing visible abs for the first time with no effort whatsoever and discovered them only by accidentally flexing them when getting out of the shower in front of a mirror. Sometimes I convince myself my shoulders are broadening due to muscle growth because the seams on some of my T-shirts no longer fall so far down on my arms, but I'm not entirely sure about it. My chest has also gotten broader, and I have measurements to prove it.
Fat distribution:
I think the fat deposits on my hips (as in, between my waist and my pubes, on the sides and posterior of my body) have gotten a bit less prominent. I really didn't have much fat anywhere on my body to start with, but even this change is pretty minor; I haven't changed pant size or anything. My waist is still stupidly tiny, but it may have gotten a little bigger than before. I still can't wear full-length binders because they bunch up at my waist as the point of lowest potential. Pre-T, I had a very archetypal heart-shaped face. My face has gotten narrower at the sides and is now more oval-shaped, which I think contributes to passing better.
Downstairs:
My endo is really shocked by this one, but I'm pretty sure I haven't experienced any downstairs growth. Like, maybe I went from an eighth of an inch to a quarter of an inch, but it's still too small to consider phallic. Also, I was under the impression that dryness might occur on T and rather the opposite has occurred -- sometimes it's actually alarming to notice I'm errr moist all of a sudden.
Periods:
I'm still getting periods, but they've gone back to being more than three weeks apart and aren't as painful as they were at first. I guess my ovaries are finally getting the hang of elevated T levels.
Hair:
My hairline hasn't changed as far as I can tell, but my hair has definitely become coarser all over.
Acne:
My face is still in a constant state of breakout, especially along my jawline and chin. I also get a pimple or two on my cheeks, where I rarely did pre-T. My bacne has spread from my shoulders onto my upper arms, boldly going where it's never gone before. I'm really not happy with it but don't feel like I have good options for treating it besides using the benzoyl peroxide wash on my back when I shower and applying the topical antibiotic and retinoid there, too, which is a hassle when I'm always wearing T-shirts.
Health:
I was told increased red blood cell count was a potential side effect of T, and I seem to be experiencing that. Pre-T, I had a diagnosis of an unspecified bleeding disorder. Basically, I bruised extremely easily and took exceptionally long to clot once I was wounded, but tests were inconclusive as to the cause. I also had blood pressure low enough that I experienced vision loss and dizziness when standing up, epically poor circulation in my extremities, and frequent migraines with aura. Doctors identified the cause of my low blood pressure as low blood volume and never investigated what might cause that. Since starting T, I no longer develop enormous bruises from every little bump, and minor cuts now clot in under an hour. My blood pressure is in the low-normal range for the first time in my life, and I haven't had a migraine since starting T, when I would expect to have had about two. My primary care physician agrees with my guess that the mysterious bleeding disorder was caused by my low blood pressure failing to bring a sufficient quantity of platelets to the site of an injury in a reasonable amount of time, and T has cured my bleeding disorder by increasing my blood volume. Ta-da, age old mystery solved! The one negative side-effect is that I now get mosquito bites just like everyone else, or possibly worse; I'd gotten perhaps a dozen mosquito bites in the twelve years since puberty, presumably because the bugs could tell there was no tasty blood in me.
Scent:
I really need to shower every day now, whereas pre-T I showered every other day. I think it's more that my sweat is accompanied by more oil, so I feel sticky, as opposed to strictly being stinkier. Although I am definitely stinkier, and I smell more like my partner does when he stinks than my pre-T sweat stench that honestly resembled cheap curry powder more than anything else. My breath has definitely gotten worse, and I think my mouth bacteria are more active on T. I'm still too lazy to brush more than once a day and haven't had any tooth pain.
Sex drive:
I didn't really experience an increased sex drive until around the three month mark, but it's caught up with me. It's not that much higher than pre-T though, just more consistent. I'm not entirely convinced it's a direct result of T or if it's because I'm more comfortable with my body.
Chest:
My chesticles have lost both density and volume, even in the last month. I've always felt that my chest was bigger than it was objectively, but now I have to admit it's legitimately small, enough that I pass without binding more often than not and can bind flat with a sportster if I'm feeling especially lazy. I actually measured my chest last week when choosing a size for a new binder, and the result is that I dropped from a 28E to a 30B in about a year and a half, and T is responsible for at least one inch of that drop. Given the changes in general health status, I am starting to look into surgery and think I have a good shot at peri, which was very much not the case when I started binging three and a half years ago. I probably won't have surgery though, because even if the bleeding disorder is cured, I'm still rather attached to nipple sensation and binding is by no means difficult now, even if I'd like to feel better when shirtless.
Emotions:
Initially, my ADHD worsened substantially and I felt I was experiencing mood swings, so I increased my doses of Lamictal and Adderall XR. I feel more stable and am better at facing my emotions when I experience them, rather than avoiding them and then filing them away to deal with later, which has sometimes led to outbursts. My ADHD was still bad on the higher dose, and the lowered inhibitions have remained; I lowered my dose again in the last week and may try a different stimulant in a few months when I'm more free to experiment.. That being said, aside from the decreased productivity, which can probably be remedied with more supplemental doses of Adderall at the end of the day, I like the unexpected mental changes. I'm in general less anxious and more confident in social situations. I'm really struggling to describe it, but there's something that just feels right now that I'm on T, and I don't want to lose it even though I'm afraid of further change. There's also the matter of timing in that I will be ill-equipped to handle a sudden change in mental stability during the semester, so if/when I stop, I need to be careful to give myself time to adjust before getting back into my professional routine. If there were an obvious way for me to lower my dose to the point that changes were slower but the emotional stability and absence of dysphoria remained, I would do that -- sounds crazy, considering I wasn't even considering mental effects when I started, even though I had a feeling I wouldn't want to quit. Given that I'm on the lowest metered dose of the lowest potency gel and my insurance does not cover compounded medications, I don't know how I can do that aside from washing off the gel less than five hours after applying it, as applying less of it would mean inconsistent dosing.
I can't believe it's already been four months. Time flies when things are going well, and T is definitely the best thing going on in my life right now. I surprised myself by choosing to continue T even though there are no longer changes I need in order to function, whereas I initially took the plunge only because it became needed rather than "just" wanted.
I'm still using one 1.25 g pump of Androgel 1% daily, applied mostly to my back and sometimes on my hips, shoulders, or abdomen depending on how bad my bacne is. I have "doubled up" once in the past month, when I was traveling and using 2.5 g packets of Androgel 1% -- an all-nighter enabled me to apply three doses in 48 hours so I wouldn't have to throw away half a packet's worth of gel -- but have otherwise not felt the need to reapply when I either bathe or sweat excessively before five hours have passed since applying the gel. When I was using the packets, I tried to give myself a consistent dose of half the contents of each packet. Nonetheless, I noticed that the quantity of gel in each packet is less than two pumps of gel from the bottle. I wonder if I effectively started on a lower dose than what I've had for the past three months and went back to that low dose while traveling.
Voice:
My voice has continued to deepen slightly over the past month. It doesn't feel like it's changing anymore, but my recordings indicate a little change, and my therapist said it was very noticeable. I now pass pretty much everywhere even after I speak, but I still get mixed results over the phone.
Facial hair:
More of the vellous hairs on my face are getting longer, but it's not really any more noticeable than it was a month ago. My sideburns are getting darker, though. It might be time to shave them even though they're not especially obvious. I'm sticking with inaction because I think I will look more masculine as they grow back in, based on past experience; I already pass well enough that new co-workers who just met me in the past week have used masculine pronouns to refer to me, but I'm not entirely out at work. Looking at my family tree, it is unlikely that I'd be able to grow anything worth calling a beard before age 30. Given that I'm starting puberty ten years late and with T levels below that of a healthy male, I think my dreams of facial hair are unrealistic, and I'd rather not deal with regular shaving for the rest of my life with little hope of payoff. Thus facial hair is now the critical factor in determining how long I will remain on T; I will stop once I grow dark or thick hairs meriting shaving, if not sooner for other reasons.
Body hair:
The hair on my legs is really filling in, especially on the backs of my calves and on the lower portions of my thighs. The hair on my lower legs is also becoming curlier, so it's more visible from every angle. My ankles are starting to grow hair, as are the tops of my feet! My pubes now grow longer than they used to. I was hoping they might extend up to form a happy trail, but alas they seem to only extend further in the other direction; my butt crack is getting pretty gnarly and requires more careful cleaning than I'm used to.
Muscles:
My upper arms have gotten more muscular, somewhere between how they were when I was just getting into rock climbing the first time and how they were when I was getting back into rock climbing the second time. I have done virtually nothing to encourage this growth, aside from the occasional pull-up when I see a bar. I am also developing visible abs for the first time with no effort whatsoever and discovered them only by accidentally flexing them when getting out of the shower in front of a mirror. Sometimes I convince myself my shoulders are broadening due to muscle growth because the seams on some of my T-shirts no longer fall so far down on my arms, but I'm not entirely sure about it. My chest has also gotten broader, and I have measurements to prove it.
Fat distribution:
I think the fat deposits on my hips (as in, between my waist and my pubes, on the sides and posterior of my body) have gotten a bit less prominent. I really didn't have much fat anywhere on my body to start with, but even this change is pretty minor; I haven't changed pant size or anything. My waist is still stupidly tiny, but it may have gotten a little bigger than before. I still can't wear full-length binders because they bunch up at my waist as the point of lowest potential. Pre-T, I had a very archetypal heart-shaped face. My face has gotten narrower at the sides and is now more oval-shaped, which I think contributes to passing better.
Downstairs:
My endo is really shocked by this one, but I'm pretty sure I haven't experienced any downstairs growth. Like, maybe I went from an eighth of an inch to a quarter of an inch, but it's still too small to consider phallic. Also, I was under the impression that dryness might occur on T and rather the opposite has occurred -- sometimes it's actually alarming to notice I'm errr moist all of a sudden.
Periods:
I'm still getting periods, but they've gone back to being more than three weeks apart and aren't as painful as they were at first. I guess my ovaries are finally getting the hang of elevated T levels.
Hair:
My hairline hasn't changed as far as I can tell, but my hair has definitely become coarser all over.
Acne:
My face is still in a constant state of breakout, especially along my jawline and chin. I also get a pimple or two on my cheeks, where I rarely did pre-T. My bacne has spread from my shoulders onto my upper arms, boldly going where it's never gone before. I'm really not happy with it but don't feel like I have good options for treating it besides using the benzoyl peroxide wash on my back when I shower and applying the topical antibiotic and retinoid there, too, which is a hassle when I'm always wearing T-shirts.
Health:
I was told increased red blood cell count was a potential side effect of T, and I seem to be experiencing that. Pre-T, I had a diagnosis of an unspecified bleeding disorder. Basically, I bruised extremely easily and took exceptionally long to clot once I was wounded, but tests were inconclusive as to the cause. I also had blood pressure low enough that I experienced vision loss and dizziness when standing up, epically poor circulation in my extremities, and frequent migraines with aura. Doctors identified the cause of my low blood pressure as low blood volume and never investigated what might cause that. Since starting T, I no longer develop enormous bruises from every little bump, and minor cuts now clot in under an hour. My blood pressure is in the low-normal range for the first time in my life, and I haven't had a migraine since starting T, when I would expect to have had about two. My primary care physician agrees with my guess that the mysterious bleeding disorder was caused by my low blood pressure failing to bring a sufficient quantity of platelets to the site of an injury in a reasonable amount of time, and T has cured my bleeding disorder by increasing my blood volume. Ta-da, age old mystery solved! The one negative side-effect is that I now get mosquito bites just like everyone else, or possibly worse; I'd gotten perhaps a dozen mosquito bites in the twelve years since puberty, presumably because the bugs could tell there was no tasty blood in me.
Scent:
I really need to shower every day now, whereas pre-T I showered every other day. I think it's more that my sweat is accompanied by more oil, so I feel sticky, as opposed to strictly being stinkier. Although I am definitely stinkier, and I smell more like my partner does when he stinks than my pre-T sweat stench that honestly resembled cheap curry powder more than anything else. My breath has definitely gotten worse, and I think my mouth bacteria are more active on T. I'm still too lazy to brush more than once a day and haven't had any tooth pain.
Sex drive:
I didn't really experience an increased sex drive until around the three month mark, but it's caught up with me. It's not that much higher than pre-T though, just more consistent. I'm not entirely convinced it's a direct result of T or if it's because I'm more comfortable with my body.
Chest:
My chesticles have lost both density and volume, even in the last month. I've always felt that my chest was bigger than it was objectively, but now I have to admit it's legitimately small, enough that I pass without binding more often than not and can bind flat with a sportster if I'm feeling especially lazy. I actually measured my chest last week when choosing a size for a new binder, and the result is that I dropped from a 28E to a 30B in about a year and a half, and T is responsible for at least one inch of that drop. Given the changes in general health status, I am starting to look into surgery and think I have a good shot at peri, which was very much not the case when I started binging three and a half years ago. I probably won't have surgery though, because even if the bleeding disorder is cured, I'm still rather attached to nipple sensation and binding is by no means difficult now, even if I'd like to feel better when shirtless.
Emotions:
Initially, my ADHD worsened substantially and I felt I was experiencing mood swings, so I increased my doses of Lamictal and Adderall XR. I feel more stable and am better at facing my emotions when I experience them, rather than avoiding them and then filing them away to deal with later, which has sometimes led to outbursts. My ADHD was still bad on the higher dose, and the lowered inhibitions have remained; I lowered my dose again in the last week and may try a different stimulant in a few months when I'm more free to experiment.. That being said, aside from the decreased productivity, which can probably be remedied with more supplemental doses of Adderall at the end of the day, I like the unexpected mental changes. I'm in general less anxious and more confident in social situations. I'm really struggling to describe it, but there's something that just feels right now that I'm on T, and I don't want to lose it even though I'm afraid of further change. There's also the matter of timing in that I will be ill-equipped to handle a sudden change in mental stability during the semester, so if/when I stop, I need to be careful to give myself time to adjust before getting back into my professional routine. If there were an obvious way for me to lower my dose to the point that changes were slower but the emotional stability and absence of dysphoria remained, I would do that -- sounds crazy, considering I wasn't even considering mental effects when I started, even though I had a feeling I wouldn't want to quit. Given that I'm on the lowest metered dose of the lowest potency gel and my insurance does not cover compounded medications, I don't know how I can do that aside from washing off the gel less than five hours after applying it, as applying less of it would mean inconsistent dosing.