Feeling a Little Unlike Myself
I ended up going for a walk this morning anyway.. and it turned out to be a good thing. I got to go see Piotr at his tennis meet in Quincy, and Alaina couldn't work out anyway. I really don't want to lift tomorrow morning.. It's going to feel horrible. My legs kill just moving around in bed.. Nevermind while doing squats and dead lifts at 730am...
I don't know why I've been complaining so much. I feel like a completely different person lately.. Someone I half like an half hate. I leave campus every day now. I go into Boston for one reason or another.. I've been to the MFA three times in the last two weeks.. And I think I'm going again tomorrow to draw the sculptures. I guess I just feel like being alone lately...
But in that same way.. I've never felt more alone than I do right now. I know I'm not alone.. I have plenty of people to hang out with if I should choose to.. But I just feel really distanced from people.. Like I can't open up the way I used to be able to. I feel awkward in certain social settings, when I used to be completely comfortable and confident in front of everyone. I just don't feel like myself. I feel like I say the wrong thing at the wrong time every time I speak. I feel like a mess.
The only place I feel comfortable now is walking around Boston on my own. I feel confident and knowledgeable... Yet I've never wanted companionship as much as I do now. It's an odd place to be at, and I don't like the feeling at all.
I guess there's nothing much I can do about it right now..
I don't know why I've been complaining so much. I feel like a completely different person lately.. Someone I half like an half hate. I leave campus every day now. I go into Boston for one reason or another.. I've been to the MFA three times in the last two weeks.. And I think I'm going again tomorrow to draw the sculptures. I guess I just feel like being alone lately...
But in that same way.. I've never felt more alone than I do right now. I know I'm not alone.. I have plenty of people to hang out with if I should choose to.. But I just feel really distanced from people.. Like I can't open up the way I used to be able to. I feel awkward in certain social settings, when I used to be completely comfortable and confident in front of everyone. I just don't feel like myself. I feel like I say the wrong thing at the wrong time every time I speak. I feel like a mess.
The only place I feel comfortable now is walking around Boston on my own. I feel confident and knowledgeable... Yet I've never wanted companionship as much as I do now. It's an odd place to be at, and I don't like the feeling at all.
I guess there's nothing much I can do about it right now..