(no subject)
it's nights like this when i wish i could write and not sound like some whiny teenage girls trying to be poetic, but instead writing angsty teenage-girl-poetry just like every other teenage girl late at night. sigh.
last night was kristen's birthday. we went for supper at the pub and then just stayed there for pub night, because i'm underage, but i got there before pub night actually started and then just didn't leave. i was an illegal campus-pub stowaway.
it wasn't very fun there, because we didn't stay until people actually started showing up. we left around nine because kristen was supposed to meet leigh at the townhouses because they both got tequila and things were going to get messy. :)
so, off we went, because birthday girl has to get her wish. we were at the townhouse for quite a while, and they did a lot of tequila shots, and body shots, at that. fun to watch, made my stomach hurt. glad i've figured out i'd rather watch. so, as kristen got drunker and drunker, as she gets, she got touchier and touchier, as she also gets. and it was with leigh. who has this long-ditance-long-term relatonship going on. so as they were leaving to go back to the pub for a bit, i told kristen, (me being permenantly in charge of stopping-drunk-kristen-from-doing-things-that-will-likely-prove-to-be-regretable-sometime-in-the-near-future) 'you can make out with people, just no making out with leigh!' and she said yes, yes, she knew, and she knew.
so, off they went, and justine and james and i stayed and watched crappy latenite tv and nibbled on yogourt and granola. by the time everyone got back, they were beyond smashed, and kristen was making out with leigh a lot. this was expected, but very not cool. i didn't want to scold her on her birthday, so i didn't. they were up in a bedroom when i wanted to leave, and so i had to walk in on them to ask her what she did with my shoes. she didnt know so i walked home barefoot in the rain. usually nice...but it was very cold.
i got home right around 3am, and hadn't been there ten minutes when the phone rang. i figured it was kristen, but it wasn't. it was him.
sigh.
not too sure about this situation. i began talking to him on the phone again when he called me about four days ago, out of the blue and drunk. every night since, it's been hours and hours worth of conversating, and i don't know what to think. all we ever talk about is what happened with us. very draining coversation. the first one was all arguing over what exactly happened, fault, blame, fault, blame, and getting nowhere, as always. we get stuck at him not admitting, and me not believing. pointless because we'll never agree, and it's not important anymore anyway.
the next few conversations were just reminiscing.
'remember when we first kissed?'
'when was it that you knew something was going to happen with us?'
'remember tickle fights and hiding under the coffee table?'
'we fell asleep together almost every night.'
'hey jay, for the record, you're an amazing cuddler.' -- 'it takes two, jess.'
last night when he called, he said that he had been debating for half and hour whether or not to call because he didn't want to wake me, but wanted to talk to me. then he remembered that lately, i don't sleep. i'm having huge sleeping troubles, and have had about 12 hours of sleep in the last four night. he was right, i wasn't sleeping, and was wide awake. i didn't mind that he called.
the conversation...we were talking about me not sleeping, he said he wanted to come here and tickle my back so that i could sleep. this is how i fell asleep almost every night for months and months. it even got to the point where he was half convinced to get in his car at 430am and come last night. he wanted to spend today sleeping and tickling my back. he maintains he's coming for the weekend soon.
what to think of this?
it's too bad i know what i know about him.
he'd be about perfect if he wasn't so tragically flawed.
this hurts because i want him to come but i can't want that, and i was past wanting that.
right now,
anyone would do.
this entry was choppy and badly written and it's late at night and i'm likely not sleeping. i'm a zombie right now, and my writing is a perfect reflection. if you got this far, thank you.
btw, new pictures in the 'recent' folder at
picturetrail.com
username- iknewyou
last night was kristen's birthday. we went for supper at the pub and then just stayed there for pub night, because i'm underage, but i got there before pub night actually started and then just didn't leave. i was an illegal campus-pub stowaway.
it wasn't very fun there, because we didn't stay until people actually started showing up. we left around nine because kristen was supposed to meet leigh at the townhouses because they both got tequila and things were going to get messy. :)
so, off we went, because birthday girl has to get her wish. we were at the townhouse for quite a while, and they did a lot of tequila shots, and body shots, at that. fun to watch, made my stomach hurt. glad i've figured out i'd rather watch. so, as kristen got drunker and drunker, as she gets, she got touchier and touchier, as she also gets. and it was with leigh. who has this long-ditance-long-term relatonship going on. so as they were leaving to go back to the pub for a bit, i told kristen, (me being permenantly in charge of stopping-drunk-kristen-from-doing-things-that-will-likely-prove-to-be-regretable-sometime-in-the-near-future) 'you can make out with people, just no making out with leigh!' and she said yes, yes, she knew, and she knew.
so, off they went, and justine and james and i stayed and watched crappy latenite tv and nibbled on yogourt and granola. by the time everyone got back, they were beyond smashed, and kristen was making out with leigh a lot. this was expected, but very not cool. i didn't want to scold her on her birthday, so i didn't. they were up in a bedroom when i wanted to leave, and so i had to walk in on them to ask her what she did with my shoes. she didnt know so i walked home barefoot in the rain. usually nice...but it was very cold.
i got home right around 3am, and hadn't been there ten minutes when the phone rang. i figured it was kristen, but it wasn't. it was him.
sigh.
not too sure about this situation. i began talking to him on the phone again when he called me about four days ago, out of the blue and drunk. every night since, it's been hours and hours worth of conversating, and i don't know what to think. all we ever talk about is what happened with us. very draining coversation. the first one was all arguing over what exactly happened, fault, blame, fault, blame, and getting nowhere, as always. we get stuck at him not admitting, and me not believing. pointless because we'll never agree, and it's not important anymore anyway.
the next few conversations were just reminiscing.
'remember when we first kissed?'
'when was it that you knew something was going to happen with us?'
'remember tickle fights and hiding under the coffee table?'
'we fell asleep together almost every night.'
'hey jay, for the record, you're an amazing cuddler.' -- 'it takes two, jess.'
last night when he called, he said that he had been debating for half and hour whether or not to call because he didn't want to wake me, but wanted to talk to me. then he remembered that lately, i don't sleep. i'm having huge sleeping troubles, and have had about 12 hours of sleep in the last four night. he was right, i wasn't sleeping, and was wide awake. i didn't mind that he called.
the conversation...we were talking about me not sleeping, he said he wanted to come here and tickle my back so that i could sleep. this is how i fell asleep almost every night for months and months. it even got to the point where he was half convinced to get in his car at 430am and come last night. he wanted to spend today sleeping and tickling my back. he maintains he's coming for the weekend soon.
what to think of this?
it's too bad i know what i know about him.
he'd be about perfect if he wasn't so tragically flawed.
this hurts because i want him to come but i can't want that, and i was past wanting that.
right now,
anyone would do.
this entry was choppy and badly written and it's late at night and i'm likely not sleeping. i'm a zombie right now, and my writing is a perfect reflection. if you got this far, thank you.
btw, new pictures in the 'recent' folder at
picturetrail.com
username- iknewyou