(no subject)
It's strange to be so so so ready to let things go and get on my own shit, but still have this aching feeling that I'll regret being selfish someday. I've felt that burn and I never wanted it again. However, my voice is at its best... I'm at my thinnest... I'm at the BIGGEST turning point since I graduated high school. It feels so final. So serious. So all consuming. I used to think that I could sorta talk to nick once our relationship was done, but what I learned is the less I care for ANY MAN, the MORE they love me. So, I plan on doing my OWN thing and breaking hearts. I met a boy Friday. Thought he seemed nice. Told him I'm fresh outta hell and that I am nowhere near relationship material. I also sang like ten man hating songs lol. Including HELL ON HEELS! What guy wouldn't be like "eek... That bitch is on one" but no, he has texted and texted and texted and called and called until I had to block his ass. I'm like great.... This is what's out there. Awesome! I really can't wait to be used to being single. I want to enjoy paying all my attention to me. I think this is the year I'm gonna drop that grand on fusion. Fuck it why not? If I'm gonna be out singing, I gotta look the part. What's a grand in the long run?! I just have to focus on rewarding myself for getting past this shit and to big things. I always knew I'd end up awesome, just wish it hadn't taken this long. I also wish I would have given up on you a looooooong fucking time ago. I believed all your bullshit. Alllll of it. Really it wasn't what you felt. It was what you thought would get a reaction. And it did. Waaaay later. And way too late. I don't have time to cry over a guy that would rather a well behaved homely blonde than my fabulous ass. Everyone goes through bad shit. Good thing I come from strong stock. Call em fat old waitresses. I call them home owners. K, on another note.... I went running today and it wasn't as awful as I expected lol. Gotta get it together ASAP!! Zumba with Rebecca this week.
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