Lonely
aight....finally i admit it. I've been sitting in the dark for about the past few minutes thinking about how i should write this.....or what exactly am i feeling. (i got off topic, i'm supposed to be admitting something else lol?) i'm lonely, it finally hit me. yes, i love the solitude of my room, but it sucks sometimes that i have to sleep alone. and i find it funny that anywhere else i sleep i'm wild as a tiger, but i know that if i'm with Seiryu i'm still...even when i was with 1000 (another nickname to protect the identity of who this really is. but it should make sense sense K = 1000) i didn't move. i mean, i slept wild, but not as bad as now. i can't even keep covers on the bed, either that, or i'm constantly moving and waking up. i've been having bad dreams lately, which is no surprise thanks to Lady Truvada, but i'm missing companionship again.
i know i'm comfortable with being alone, i'm a loner duh lol. but it's when i sleep at night is where it hits me. instead of waking to a smile i'm waking to a white wall or the soft coler-changing glow of my night light. instead or waking up and looking at him sound asleep, i see my pillow or my blankets to and fro. i'm awakening to silence, instead of moving about a house or a tv and slight laughter or a chuckle. hell sometimes hearing "you better get yo ass up or you're gonna be late" would make me smile and laugh a little bit. probably the only thing that greets me in the morning is the sun, but we all know that's garunteed, hell the suns a whore, it says hello to everyone at multiple times. watch a porn star try to top that lol.
i guess in due time i'll get over it, maybe learn to get my emotions in check alot better....but at the same time the loneliness is a good thing, it lets me know that i'm missing someone, or something about them, hell maybe even both. it doesnt bother me much....just nags at me worse than a little kid who wants a shiny new toy lol. so lately i've been living off memories, playing them like movies in my head, pausing and rewinding parts that i wish i could expierience again, good times. then the feeling comes, the touch, and i smile. sometimes it helps me go to sleep. all i have to say is this though, 10 more days, and i get to add more videos to my mental library.
i know i'm comfortable with being alone, i'm a loner duh lol. but it's when i sleep at night is where it hits me. instead of waking to a smile i'm waking to a white wall or the soft coler-changing glow of my night light. instead or waking up and looking at him sound asleep, i see my pillow or my blankets to and fro. i'm awakening to silence, instead of moving about a house or a tv and slight laughter or a chuckle. hell sometimes hearing "you better get yo ass up or you're gonna be late" would make me smile and laugh a little bit. probably the only thing that greets me in the morning is the sun, but we all know that's garunteed, hell the suns a whore, it says hello to everyone at multiple times. watch a porn star try to top that lol.
i guess in due time i'll get over it, maybe learn to get my emotions in check alot better....but at the same time the loneliness is a good thing, it lets me know that i'm missing someone, or something about them, hell maybe even both. it doesnt bother me much....just nags at me worse than a little kid who wants a shiny new toy lol. so lately i've been living off memories, playing them like movies in my head, pausing and rewinding parts that i wish i could expierience again, good times. then the feeling comes, the touch, and i smile. sometimes it helps me go to sleep. all i have to say is this though, 10 more days, and i get to add more videos to my mental library.