End of one fandom starts a new journey.
Since I started melodramatics today, I decided to make a mark in my journal so I remember this mile pillar in my life. It's called END OF TENIPURI.
Not that tenipuri has ended. If Konomi is to be believed it's just beginning after 200 and so episodes. I don't care. I admire Yamato-buchou's hair but I've totally lost interest in the series. Please don't ask me to join any new tenipuri RPGs or persuade me to take more charas in the ones I'm already in. I may get interested and get inspiration, but the interest is short-lived and the inspiration will die after a month or so. For now I'm interested in multifandom RPGs, mostly because they allow me to play Lockon or Johann, characters from the series I actually still love. I'm so into Gundam 00, Pandora Hearts, Durarara and now Persona -Trinity Soul- that I wanna play my charas from those if possible. Especially Johann Trinity and Neil or Lyle Dylandy. They make shivers go down my spine with their presence in my head. They want to get out. I prolly can't write enough if I ever get to doing it.
I have now transferred all tenipuri stuff on my computer onto DVDs. Since I usually go back to series after a time I didn't wanna delete them all together, plus it's not like I hate the series. I've just done it all. My favourite characters are still my favourites of course. There's just a limit to how long you can play the same thing in hundred different variations. I need change, and new type of characters who can do different things. If I was to write a multifandom AU in the future, I would definitely bring my dearies back, and I probably will write fanfics about them, non-related to my RPGs, just- not now.
Funny as it is, I've downloaded more POT in the past 24 hours than I've downloaded in two years. Some missing episodes here and there, so I'll have them all on the DVDs. Feels strange. I got a glimpse of Saeki. Oh God how I love him.
I had just finished watching Persona -trinity soul- when he yawned and told me he's satisfied and that he feels like this could be it. I've never really had real conversations with him before, like I've had with the main Sae, sometimes he would be there and sometimes not, and he would lay in the back of my head staring desperately and LONELY at nothing, wishing he wasn't born, or then he would sit on my shoulder and play with my hair, telling me all sorts of silly things and what he'd done and with who.
It was all my fault, I used to think. I made him suffer endlessly and needlessly, with the settings I put him into, and relationships I made for him to dive into. I used to think he was shallow, until the first time he said "I wanna die. Hey Minni, can't I?" I couldn't answer. The things we communicate never get answers. Maybe it was my fault. No, I think it definitely was my fault. He was too young to make the decisions I wanted him to make, yet I never forced a single decision on him - he made them all. At some point, just like the first Saeki, he had taken onto his own consciousness all the blame and all the decisions. All I gave him were situations and possibilities. At times he would nudge at my sleeve hesitantly and ask me "Do you still love me?" in words of this Swedish band, Weeping Willows. Yes, no matter what you do, Sae, I will always love you. Even if hearing you cry breaks my heart. Even now I can’t hug you, but let’s meet in our dreams. Neesan will give you lots of the love you were without for too long. You have nothing to worry about anymore, Saeki. Not a single thing. I’m so proud of you, you got up on your own two feet and became as close to a real boy as you were able to. Thank you for these years and I’m sorry I wasn’t a better player.
And Saeki mumbles in his sleep "I’m okay. Everything’s okay. I have people who love me. I haven’t lost anything I can’t live without." And now I can finally cry.
One day in the past I listed things I had time to do in something I call Saeki's Book of Life. It's in his journal profile, here. For people to remember him by.
It’s pathetic in a way, to love so much someone who never existed outside my head. What is the limit when a role can be called a mental disorder? When I start seeing these boys? Enough to have a relationship? Like buying two tickets to a movie when I’m going alone? Yeah right, like that’d happen.
He’s been a good boy, balancing the disorder in Saeki with endless childish optimism. He made a decision to stay with Saeki, teaching him about sleep. I wish I had got to know him better. I always felt there was something under the surface I only sometimes got a glimpse of. never enough to hold it in the palm of my hand. "Don’t worry", he said and I jumped a little. When had he found his own voice? "We’ll meet again, and then I’ll tell you everything okay?" And I said "Okay. I’m feeling a little lonely." He laughed and closed his eyes, snuggling to Saeki’s side. "I’m here. I’ll just take a little nap and then…."
A long time ago I made a joke about him sleeping through being kidnapped, not a care in the world. Now I know I was right. And I love him even more.
I didn’t drop tenicamp for good tho. Tachibana wished to stay with Fuji, so I let him. A wonderful man he is. A wonderful man. Good night Sae, Jirou. Sweet dreams.
About Persona -trinity soul-. I liked it. A lot. The ending was good, and tho it felt a little stretched and then sudden, and a little funny, it fit. It didn’t break the story, even if I still think they shouldn’t have put a happy ending in it. I would’ve wanted to cry about the unfairness of it all. Well, longer. the story was good, and the plot was clear and strong. Some of the characters were a bit inconsistent but perhaps it’s because the characters were supposed to be like that. Oh well. I liked it. More than I liked Kuroshitsuji, and I appreciated some parts of Kuroshitsuji very much. then again, my friends know I never turned out to be a Kuroshitsuji fan. I might be called a Persona fan now tho. :’D The logic works, and even tho it’s not as good as Durarara, I was impressed.
BTW, the English speaking population spells Durarara SO WEIRD! It’s so funny! I was watching a video on Youtube, where a girl listed her all time favourite animes, and I cracked up. So funny.
Oh Masaomi what are you thinking? You’re so confused you’re saying stupid things! Get a grip and KILL THE FUCKING HORADA! NOBODY SHOOTS MY SHIZUO AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! AND HOW DARE HE SAY “Blame this on Kida Masaomi. It was done on his orders.” WHEN IT FUCKING ISN’T! YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER BASTARD ASSHOLE PISSHEAD!
But that he said it indicated the series coming to an end of sorts. This I remember from the Novel spoilers. When Shizuo gets to Shinra’s place he says he’s going to kill Kida Masaomi who told the guys to shoot him. And now I understand why he thought so. I’m hoping for a second season tho I know Masaomi won’t really be in it. I’ve understood he runs away with his ex-girlfriend. I don’t care about that, as long as Durarara doesn’t end all together. I can handle this first part being the part where I’m given all of Masaomi, I accept it. Just make a second season! PLEASE!
Also I sincerely hope that the people listen to this song, just because it's going on my Saeki FST. It's simply wonderful. This time the music isn't about my feelings or his, but rather the past struggles and the song I associate the strongest to my Saeki in tenicamp.
Not that tenipuri has ended. If Konomi is to be believed it's just beginning after 200 and so episodes. I don't care. I admire Yamato-buchou's hair but I've totally lost interest in the series. Please don't ask me to join any new tenipuri RPGs or persuade me to take more charas in the ones I'm already in. I may get interested and get inspiration, but the interest is short-lived and the inspiration will die after a month or so. For now I'm interested in multifandom RPGs, mostly because they allow me to play Lockon or Johann, characters from the series I actually still love. I'm so into Gundam 00, Pandora Hearts, Durarara and now Persona -Trinity Soul- that I wanna play my charas from those if possible. Especially Johann Trinity and Neil or Lyle Dylandy. They make shivers go down my spine with their presence in my head. They want to get out. I prolly can't write enough if I ever get to doing it.
I have now transferred all tenipuri stuff on my computer onto DVDs. Since I usually go back to series after a time I didn't wanna delete them all together, plus it's not like I hate the series. I've just done it all. My favourite characters are still my favourites of course. There's just a limit to how long you can play the same thing in hundred different variations. I need change, and new type of characters who can do different things. If I was to write a multifandom AU in the future, I would definitely bring my dearies back, and I probably will write fanfics about them, non-related to my RPGs, just- not now.
Funny as it is, I've downloaded more POT in the past 24 hours than I've downloaded in two years. Some missing episodes here and there, so I'll have them all on the DVDs. Feels strange. I got a glimpse of Saeki. Oh God how I love him.
I had just finished watching Persona -trinity soul- when he yawned and told me he's satisfied and that he feels like this could be it. I've never really had real conversations with him before, like I've had with the main Sae, sometimes he would be there and sometimes not, and he would lay in the back of my head staring desperately and LONELY at nothing, wishing he wasn't born, or then he would sit on my shoulder and play with my hair, telling me all sorts of silly things and what he'd done and with who.
It was all my fault, I used to think. I made him suffer endlessly and needlessly, with the settings I put him into, and relationships I made for him to dive into. I used to think he was shallow, until the first time he said "I wanna die. Hey Minni, can't I?" I couldn't answer. The things we communicate never get answers. Maybe it was my fault. No, I think it definitely was my fault. He was too young to make the decisions I wanted him to make, yet I never forced a single decision on him - he made them all. At some point, just like the first Saeki, he had taken onto his own consciousness all the blame and all the decisions. All I gave him were situations and possibilities. At times he would nudge at my sleeve hesitantly and ask me "Do you still love me?" in words of this Swedish band, Weeping Willows. Yes, no matter what you do, Sae, I will always love you. Even if hearing you cry breaks my heart. Even now I can’t hug you, but let’s meet in our dreams. Neesan will give you lots of the love you were without for too long. You have nothing to worry about anymore, Saeki. Not a single thing. I’m so proud of you, you got up on your own two feet and became as close to a real boy as you were able to. Thank you for these years and I’m sorry I wasn’t a better player.
And Saeki mumbles in his sleep "I’m okay. Everything’s okay. I have people who love me. I haven’t lost anything I can’t live without." And now I can finally cry.
One day in the past I listed things I had time to do in something I call Saeki's Book of Life. It's in his journal profile, here. For people to remember him by.
It’s pathetic in a way, to love so much someone who never existed outside my head. What is the limit when a role can be called a mental disorder? When I start seeing these boys? Enough to have a relationship? Like buying two tickets to a movie when I’m going alone? Yeah right, like that’d happen.
He’s been a good boy, balancing the disorder in Saeki with endless childish optimism. He made a decision to stay with Saeki, teaching him about sleep. I wish I had got to know him better. I always felt there was something under the surface I only sometimes got a glimpse of. never enough to hold it in the palm of my hand. "Don’t worry", he said and I jumped a little. When had he found his own voice? "We’ll meet again, and then I’ll tell you everything okay?" And I said "Okay. I’m feeling a little lonely." He laughed and closed his eyes, snuggling to Saeki’s side. "I’m here. I’ll just take a little nap and then…."
A long time ago I made a joke about him sleeping through being kidnapped, not a care in the world. Now I know I was right. And I love him even more.
I didn’t drop tenicamp for good tho. Tachibana wished to stay with Fuji, so I let him. A wonderful man he is. A wonderful man. Good night Sae, Jirou. Sweet dreams.
About Persona -trinity soul-. I liked it. A lot. The ending was good, and tho it felt a little stretched and then sudden, and a little funny, it fit. It didn’t break the story, even if I still think they shouldn’t have put a happy ending in it. I would’ve wanted to cry about the unfairness of it all. Well, longer. the story was good, and the plot was clear and strong. Some of the characters were a bit inconsistent but perhaps it’s because the characters were supposed to be like that. Oh well. I liked it. More than I liked Kuroshitsuji, and I appreciated some parts of Kuroshitsuji very much. then again, my friends know I never turned out to be a Kuroshitsuji fan. I might be called a Persona fan now tho. :’D The logic works, and even tho it’s not as good as Durarara, I was impressed.
BTW, the English speaking population spells Durarara SO WEIRD! It’s so funny! I was watching a video on Youtube, where a girl listed her all time favourite animes, and I cracked up. So funny.
Oh Masaomi what are you thinking? You’re so confused you’re saying stupid things! Get a grip and KILL THE FUCKING HORADA! NOBODY SHOOTS MY SHIZUO AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! AND HOW DARE HE SAY “Blame this on Kida Masaomi. It was done on his orders.” WHEN IT FUCKING ISN’T! YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER BASTARD ASSHOLE PISSHEAD!
But that he said it indicated the series coming to an end of sorts. This I remember from the Novel spoilers. When Shizuo gets to Shinra’s place he says he’s going to kill Kida Masaomi who told the guys to shoot him. And now I understand why he thought so. I’m hoping for a second season tho I know Masaomi won’t really be in it. I’ve understood he runs away with his ex-girlfriend. I don’t care about that, as long as Durarara doesn’t end all together. I can handle this first part being the part where I’m given all of Masaomi, I accept it. Just make a second season! PLEASE!
Also I sincerely hope that the people listen to this song, just because it's going on my Saeki FST. It's simply wonderful. This time the music isn't about my feelings or his, but rather the past struggles and the song I associate the strongest to my Saeki in tenicamp.