Drrr episode 19 and some quiet despair over Masaomi's shame.
My skin feels god awful. Tight and THICK, and my feelings are a nervous ball of messed up thread. Or maybe a dust bunny? I have lots of those in my room it seems. I'm strangely calm after the latest Drrr episode. Or not calm but....how to say it....passive. Inside I'm sorta boiling, but it's the sorta despair which won't come out. Why oh why Masaomi do you torture me this way? why do you have to be so smart and yet so caught in the razor sharp net which wounds you no matter what you do? Masaomi, I love you. Please don't let yourself be anymore hurt! I know it's the old pain and what happens now is just something you've been carrying with you all the time....but please please, I can only see your death in the end at the moment, just like you. Why why why why why? This is so unfair! Don't make the boy I love the main sacrifice on your fucking GAME Izaya! I HATE you! And yet, my heart is beating steady and my breathing is the same as before I started watching the episode. It's just inside that I hurt, like it was me who was hurting all the time.
It really hurts.
It really hurts.