happy birthday to you.
so here i am. friday night. 11:45.
what am i doing? sitting on my ass and eating cake.
what am i gonna do tomorrow? go to bimini and hopefully drown and get eaten by sharks.
what i wish i was doing? seeing alex.
why? its his birthday.
and why am i here? i don't fucking know.
school started monday. fuck you, palmer. fuck you, palmer people. -that includes techers, as well. i want to go to switzerland. now. i don't even know if i'm going anymore.- thanks to fucking sat's and palmer's dumb 'tuition insurance' bullshit that i didn't get. - for those of you who don't know what i'm talking about... i have been dying to go to this boarding school in switzerland called tasis for the longest time. its gorgeous, its a great school, its so much fun, and best of all, its not in miami. ~ duh. :l
my face hurts. i got slapped. for bitching while my father was on the phone. who does that? fucking psychos... -and child abusers- thats who. i felt like a little kid again. he hasn't done that to me in years. and when i was little i always hoped that one day, when i got older, he would slap me again so i could either call the police and get him arrested, or just stick him in the face hard as fuck. but once again, he succeeded in making me feel this small, and of course; i kept my mouth shut and stared out the window for the rest of the ride home.
i don't know whats happening to me. i thought my weight-gaining phase was over. it just won't stop. and now i can't stop wondering if it ever will. i don't even know what i'm waiting for. a miracle, perhaps. who knows. and i can't even say that i have hope anymore. i just feel like a big fat failure. and its no fun. :( poop.
i'm off to bed.
"late." ........................ "early!" :P
- deda.