Depression sucks
I am normally a very happy person. Seriously. Giddy and full of laughter and silly and romantic and talkative. I am a fun person to be around. I promise!
But these past two weeks have been a nightmare. I don't know whether to blame the short days (oh how I need the sunshine), or if it's more about the cold than the dark. Maybe it's not even related to that.
I came down with the flu the day before my birthday, and still have the last vestiges of the cough it left behind. My voice sounds horrible. I love to sing, and it really sucks not being able to sing at Christmas time. :( Hubby came down with it a few days after I did, so we've both been completely exhausted after working full-time. (We both work primarily outdoors and do a lot of driving throughout the week.) So I think we've only been physically intimate once or maybe twice in the last three weeks. Very strange for us.
So maybe that's it.
My job is excellent most of the time, but when you've been ill, have a cold and work outdoors...it can really suck. The past two mornings when I've left for work it's been 6 or 7 degrees Fahrenheit (about -14 Celsius). I keep talking to my boss about fewer hours, but it isn't really possible right now. He's doing what he can for me.
I just hate being cold. Grrrr...
I want a baby. Sooooo much more than I can put into words. Hubby and I have been trying for over eight years now to get pregnant. Every time I start my period, I have a bad day. Heh. For more ways than one, obviously. But this month I cried so much more than I have in a while.
It's like a downward spiral.
One bad thing adds to the next.
And I KNOW how blessed I am! I have a wonderful life. I have God in my life, and my faith is very sustaining to me. I'm healthy. I have an amazing husband who loves me sooooo much. I have a beautiful little home. I have the best two cats on the planet, who love me best. I have the most incredible and supportive family you could imagine. I have great friends and a wonderful church family. I have a great job and an understanding boss.
Why am I whining?
Why am I letting little things get to me?
Why am I sitting here crying when I have the world at my fingertips?
But these past two weeks have been a nightmare. I don't know whether to blame the short days (oh how I need the sunshine), or if it's more about the cold than the dark. Maybe it's not even related to that.
I came down with the flu the day before my birthday, and still have the last vestiges of the cough it left behind. My voice sounds horrible. I love to sing, and it really sucks not being able to sing at Christmas time. :( Hubby came down with it a few days after I did, so we've both been completely exhausted after working full-time. (We both work primarily outdoors and do a lot of driving throughout the week.) So I think we've only been physically intimate once or maybe twice in the last three weeks. Very strange for us.
So maybe that's it.
My job is excellent most of the time, but when you've been ill, have a cold and work outdoors...it can really suck. The past two mornings when I've left for work it's been 6 or 7 degrees Fahrenheit (about -14 Celsius). I keep talking to my boss about fewer hours, but it isn't really possible right now. He's doing what he can for me.
I just hate being cold. Grrrr...
I want a baby. Sooooo much more than I can put into words. Hubby and I have been trying for over eight years now to get pregnant. Every time I start my period, I have a bad day. Heh. For more ways than one, obviously. But this month I cried so much more than I have in a while.
It's like a downward spiral.
One bad thing adds to the next.
And I KNOW how blessed I am! I have a wonderful life. I have God in my life, and my faith is very sustaining to me. I'm healthy. I have an amazing husband who loves me sooooo much. I have a beautiful little home. I have the best two cats on the planet, who love me best. I have the most incredible and supportive family you could imagine. I have great friends and a wonderful church family. I have a great job and an understanding boss.
Why am I whining?
Why am I letting little things get to me?
Why am I sitting here crying when I have the world at my fingertips?