i don't care anymore.
I'm glad to see that i had the lovely opportunity to wake up to a wonderful entry involving myself and making me out to be a bad person and i say that with every ounce of sarcasm i have. I'm pretty sure the last time i stated my feelings in a livejournal post you called me pathetic because i wouldn't confront you in person. Yet you do it and it's okay. Completely justified? If you had simply spoken to me about how you felt i would have been more than happy to speak to you, but instead you wrote an entry and brought up things form the past that opened up so many bad feelings for me and now i feel the need to write about shit that for the last two years i've tried to forget. I shouldn't have to explain myself to you yet i feel i should so you maybe wouldn't think less of me, not that it really matters anyway because as soon as i get on someone's good side again i always manage to do something that fucks it up.
Jeff and Steve came to visit ME last weekend. It wasn't a secret, it was on facebook not that i expect you to check it, but i didn't think i needed to send out formal notices that they were coming. The only reason Melissa knew was because she called me the week before inviting me to lunch and the topic came up in conversation. She asked if we could get together one day for breakfast and followed through with the plans, hence why we were in the dining hall when you saw us. Whatever is going on between you two is not my business and i refuse to pick sides, hence why i act the same towards both of you. When Jeff mentioned that he saw you in the dining hall i decided that i would go over and say hello before we left since i felt that it would be rude not to do so. So i did, i informed you that they were there and you wanted to see them which i don't blame you for. I was glad that we got a chance to see you too since i understand that they are your friends also.Yes you did invite us to your room to meet your friends and i'm pretty sure we clearly stated that we'll see what happens. we weren't sure what we were doing that night and, we were also invited to hang out with melissa. Personally i don't feel comfortable having to choose between seeing two of my friends, but i wouldn't ever want to put anyone in an uncomfortable situation. I'm sorry i didn't call you, i am. I should have told you that we weren't going to be able to come, i will admit that i was wrong for not doing so.
Not that i should have to inform everyone, but we ended up staying in sunday night, watching a movie and ordering food with Jonny and my roommate. I would have invited people to join if my room wasn't approximately the size of a closet. The boy's luggage was in there, taking up even more space and my other roommate came back that night sick. I felt bad enough that the room was so crowded from my guests on top of the fact that she wasn't feeling well to begin with.
As far as you once being one of the first five people called for plans and inviting all fifty of us, that was somewhere i don't think you needed to go. I'm pretty sure the beginning of the year we sat down and had a heart to heart about feelings i had felt when things were happening with our group of friends. That conversation made me feel a lot better about our relationship since we drifted after things that happened within our group of friends. I thought all that was in the past but clearly it isn't. I don't know why you felt the need to bring up how many people you used to invite to your house since I was NEVER the person who didn't invite every one of our friends simply because my house was too small. I even welcomed people who i didn't know at times. I can't help remember everyone's fantastic "summer oh sev" which i spent home and with the people who actually seemed to give a rat's ass about me. I wasn't invited.
i got over it. Now it'll take a little bit to get over this too. But i will because that's what i do.
I'm sorry for not calling you.
i'm so over being the asshole.
call me pathetic, i guess i am.