scarey little girl
ive been thinking a lot today. i found some of my mommies online journals ive been reading them for about the past week. its so neat reading stuff. how she missed hanging with tina in the forest dropping acid and laughing for hours or how she hated the rabid fucking jesus chahuahua freaks or how she use to tell me dead baby jokes when i was 3. theres so much more. she was just such a funny person. i often found myself bawling out my eyes while lauging at the same time. it was just a very strange experience cause i see so much of her in me. for instance i have a sick sense of humor. when my great gramma died my lil cousin joey was 2 at the time and he had these little hot wheel cars.... he was running them over my dead grandmothers corpse makeing race car noises and useing her tist as launch ramps... me i thought it was absolutely the funniest thing ever. i couldnt stop laughing for the life of me and everyone thought i was being very rude... but thats somthing my mom totally would have done. i have so many happy memories of my mom... of course along with the bad but i like the good ones better. she made me watch rocky horror she taught me all the lines and the time warp dance and she was soooo happy cause i wasnt a rocky horror virgin anymore that she felt compelled to tell my entire family that when i came to visit her that summer i lost my virginity of course confuseing everyone but she got a kick out of it. and once she was playing sum sort of trivia game and the question asked.... he shoots people on valentines day who is he?... of course the obviouse awnser was cupid but my mom was too smart for that and smirkly replied.... its al capone. it was sooo funny and my mom seriousely thought it was al capone too she wasnt just being alil smart ass. i just miss her so much and how funny she was... i knew i could allways count on her to make something funny of a bad situation and it was just so awesome. i feel bad sometimes cuase she thought i was such a great kid... was she ever wrong now i have this feeling she constantly watching me. if im makeing out with a guy i can just totally imagine hers tanding in a corner shakeing her head at me or when i smoke up i could see her being so sad and dissapointed it really bothers me. i dunno its all just so strange.......