(no subject)
ive been spending a lot of time alone in recent weeks. maybe its too much time but perhaps it isnt. i've tentatively decided to take classes part time this semester to try and get the kinks worked out of my brain and my feet steadily on the ground. id ont really know what that means and i could care less about when i graduate. it is not, however, a feeble attempt to put off living my life (read:graduating etc) rather an attempt to make it long enough to continue to live. my life.
on another note. last semester was plagued by over working self medicating and mad hangouts and this semester so far is about as distant from that as it could possibly be. i hate how in philosophy we reconsider the obvious and how i fucking misguidedly apply that to my life and my friends my peers my roommates. just that simple thing that i do can make me so unhappy and so enraged. it all comes from inside of me too. spending time alone is not conducive to avoiding such judgments. and in there im dreadfully ashamed to begin to see this ridiculous naivete. i struggle so much with interpersonal shit and im in this phase right now where i think its good to wear my heart on my sleeve but to then also like rub that shit in everyones face before i even know them. i try to construct arguments in order to predict the most logical reaction from someone based on my behavior towards them. what? i dont know middle grounds. that might be my downfall. if im so forthcoming why should i care if im taken advantage of?
on another note. last semester was plagued by over working self medicating and mad hangouts and this semester so far is about as distant from that as it could possibly be. i hate how in philosophy we reconsider the obvious and how i fucking misguidedly apply that to my life and my friends my peers my roommates. just that simple thing that i do can make me so unhappy and so enraged. it all comes from inside of me too. spending time alone is not conducive to avoiding such judgments. and in there im dreadfully ashamed to begin to see this ridiculous naivete. i struggle so much with interpersonal shit and im in this phase right now where i think its good to wear my heart on my sleeve but to then also like rub that shit in everyones face before i even know them. i try to construct arguments in order to predict the most logical reaction from someone based on my behavior towards them. what? i dont know middle grounds. that might be my downfall. if im so forthcoming why should i care if im taken advantage of?