Feeling much better
I'm feeling much better now...probably because Jessica's home and we can support each other wonderfully. I don't feel insane or stupid for the things I'm doing, and meanwhile she helps me fix some of the bullshit I do.
Why can't I like Erik? Perfect body, cool guy, nice, sweet, really likes me. I've definitly had a crush on him for about 6 years now. But I'm afraid even if I really really liked him, I'd still want to start college single. I was lucky enough to get a second chance at this, and I'm not going to just do the same thing over again. Start it out in a serious relationship with a guy I met when I was 14. I'd just go up there and hang out with him and once again not meet new people and it would just be a big waste and I'd completely regret it.
But I really don't want to hurt Erik, and I really think it could work some day, but I'm so tired of letting people go and then they never come back.
I'm going to get through this summer, and then I'm not going to panic about moving away, and then I'm going to have a great time and everything will be okay.
For the first time in a while there isn’t a hole,
Where something is wrong in the depths of my soul.
After so many months of restlessness I’ve made up my mind,
I always talk about starting over, and now it’s time.
I have finally decided that I’m leaving this place,
So take a last look at my comforting face.
Because the solid ground you always had here
Will no longer be here by this time next year.
I was always so stable and grounded at home,
But now somehow I feel so alone.
With potential friends at school I’ll never know,
Because I decided to live in a studio on my own.
So this time I’ll chase away my fears,
Make up my mind and hold back my tears.
And instead of staying back in regret,
I’ll go out and make the memories I tried to forget.
I’m so sick and tired of being afraid,
It’s time to correct the wrong choice that I made.
Of staying close to a family that no longer needs my help,
Staying near a comfort I never truly felt.
Living on my own seemed like such a good idea at the time,
But with no one here to talk to, I slowly lose my mind.
Working two or three jobs just to pay rent,
While my life passes by and I try to forget.
The San Diego atmosphere is so much different than up there,
Not everyone in Santa Cruz has blue eyes and dyed blonde hair.
The individual is praised instead of trying to conform,
I’m too afraid to lose myself in this town where I was born.
I kept telling myself that I was too late,
I had to make this choice years ago and I missed the date.
But recently it’s occurred to me that I still have time,
And there’s piece of my life I’m determined to find.
Hopefully somewhere there are people to accept me the way I am. Either way I'm getting closer and that's a good start.
Good night
Why can't I like Erik? Perfect body, cool guy, nice, sweet, really likes me. I've definitly had a crush on him for about 6 years now. But I'm afraid even if I really really liked him, I'd still want to start college single. I was lucky enough to get a second chance at this, and I'm not going to just do the same thing over again. Start it out in a serious relationship with a guy I met when I was 14. I'd just go up there and hang out with him and once again not meet new people and it would just be a big waste and I'd completely regret it.
But I really don't want to hurt Erik, and I really think it could work some day, but I'm so tired of letting people go and then they never come back.
I'm going to get through this summer, and then I'm not going to panic about moving away, and then I'm going to have a great time and everything will be okay.
For the first time in a while there isn’t a hole,
Where something is wrong in the depths of my soul.
After so many months of restlessness I’ve made up my mind,
I always talk about starting over, and now it’s time.
I have finally decided that I’m leaving this place,
So take a last look at my comforting face.
Because the solid ground you always had here
Will no longer be here by this time next year.
I was always so stable and grounded at home,
But now somehow I feel so alone.
With potential friends at school I’ll never know,
Because I decided to live in a studio on my own.
So this time I’ll chase away my fears,
Make up my mind and hold back my tears.
And instead of staying back in regret,
I’ll go out and make the memories I tried to forget.
I’m so sick and tired of being afraid,
It’s time to correct the wrong choice that I made.
Of staying close to a family that no longer needs my help,
Staying near a comfort I never truly felt.
Living on my own seemed like such a good idea at the time,
But with no one here to talk to, I slowly lose my mind.
Working two or three jobs just to pay rent,
While my life passes by and I try to forget.
The San Diego atmosphere is so much different than up there,
Not everyone in Santa Cruz has blue eyes and dyed blonde hair.
The individual is praised instead of trying to conform,
I’m too afraid to lose myself in this town where I was born.
I kept telling myself that I was too late,
I had to make this choice years ago and I missed the date.
But recently it’s occurred to me that I still have time,
And there’s piece of my life I’m determined to find.
Hopefully somewhere there are people to accept me the way I am. Either way I'm getting closer and that's a good start.
Good night