I hate change
My brother is paralyzed. This affects me in more ways than I'd like to realize. First, of course, is the pain and sorrow I feel for my brother. He'll never be able to walk again, surf, have sex, or live the life he used to love. The only thing I'm thankful for in that aspect is his girlfriend Ila. If I was in his position and alone, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Thank god at least he's in love.
Seconds, this affects me on a deeper level that I'm slowly realizing. Life, honestly and truly, is not fair. I know you always hear it, but at least for me I ALWAYS believed that you got what you deserved. If you were truly a good person, good things would happen to you. Everyone has someone they are meant to be with, and in the end, things turn out alright.
I'd tell myself these things to function, to get through daily life, to have a purpose to go on. But all these things are bullshit. I used to be a genuinly happy person and now I can't stand how depressed I feel all the time. Why am I the depressed one? It's Alan that has to go through everthing, but it's the principle of it.
I want to say it will be okay. But who the FUCK knows.
I'd like to die now please.
Seconds, this affects me on a deeper level that I'm slowly realizing. Life, honestly and truly, is not fair. I know you always hear it, but at least for me I ALWAYS believed that you got what you deserved. If you were truly a good person, good things would happen to you. Everyone has someone they are meant to be with, and in the end, things turn out alright.
I'd tell myself these things to function, to get through daily life, to have a purpose to go on. But all these things are bullshit. I used to be a genuinly happy person and now I can't stand how depressed I feel all the time. Why am I the depressed one? It's Alan that has to go through everthing, but it's the principle of it.
I want to say it will be okay. But who the FUCK knows.
I'd like to die now please.