if i was given a chance, i'd like to have an amnesia than have this memories of you; BAD HABIT
i thought i was fine, yesterday. but scratch that, i am still not okay. later today, im anxious again. restless and something’s bugging me. arghhhh. i bloody frustrated about bloody everything. i started my day fine, cleaning the house, do the dishes. it was the least i could do for my mom, while she’s not here. *minimize voice into whisper* i likely to procrastinate a LOT. the other day, my mum said im going to stop school for awhile. and then today, she told me to drop some of my subjects to lessen her dues. i understand her though, i much prefer to not school yet than having an abnormal class. its better to not to school yet. i dont wanna her pursue me into school that i bloody know she cant afford it for the time being. im not mad at my mum though. oh well, the situation sucks a lot. i’ve got enough problems on my own and then this, my family. i am no MCGYVER to solve all the problems and misery about my life. *grabs a handful of hair and pulled it* life’s shitting me again and bloody sucks. plus, i cant think straight since my mind is nailed into someone else, someone else that didnt think of me entirely. now he’s ignoring me for shit what? i asked him what are we. and he said “friends? we’re not in a relationship” like it’s all my damn fucking fault. oh my god! i hate this mess. i shouldn’t be affected right? but i am, it bloody well hurts. it so stupid of me to ask for his opinion and what bloody sucks right there was i valued what he says. oh my god. i’m seeing red now. i wanted really him out of my life and at the same time NOT. why? i dont bloody know. i cried again this evening. i cant take it. he’s too much. too much of the rejection. i have failed myself, am i? i was starting to built my walls against him. bloody memories is all i’ve got and that’s what the pain starts. if only i could teach the heart a thing or two. i would be fine. it’s been a month since the mess. i should have start moving on and still not crying over the spilled milk. right? *heavy sigh* GAME OVER, i should really have to accept that. why cant the heart not understand simple english?
