TROY
LOL I'M WATCHING TROY
[don't shoot me if I'm not even remotely historically accurate, I get most of my learnings from fiction.]
( running commentary )
[don't shoot me if I'm not even remotely historically accurate, I get most of my learnings from fiction.]
( running commentary )
I love Alexander looking up to Achilles, will never not love that. Me too. THERE ARE NO WORDS for how much I love it. ♥
"I fight for you." THIS KILLS ME. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I don't care if they want to say they're ~*COUSINS*~, there is some serious manlove in that scene, gay or not.
And you are the only other person ever who has ever given a shit about that seashell necklace! I squee'd at that. And wibbled when they show Achilles with it later omg D:
And sdkfjh not gunna lie, Briseis really ruined the movie for me, and it was so unnecessary because she's FINE in the Iliad. U_U ALSO THE LACK OF BRISEIS & PATROCLUS INTERACTIONS because he is obviously her gay best friend omg ;A; THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A SCENE OF THEM ... DOING EACH OTHER'S HAIR AND COMPARING NOTES ON ACHILLES MANFULNESS OR SOMETHING, SERIOUSLY. BIFFLES.
But it's okay, becuase Troy makes up for Briseis being lame by not having Deidamia around.
And @Patroclus in Achilles' armor, I heard that when they filmed it, Brad Pitt actually played Patroclus until the armor came off. Idk if that's true, but there you go.
And sdfdkfh Achilles v. Hector is the best 1v1 fight EVER. It is 100% fanservice. And I do weep for Hector (and the Trojans, because they're COMPLETELY FUCKED because he's the only competent person in the entire city >>) but Achilles avenging Patroclus' death is just the most wonderful thing ever.
"OH, I SEE. IT'S THE ~COUSIN~ PARALLEL. NEWS FLASH, CUNT, PATROCLUS MEANS MORE TO ACHILLES THAN HECTOR EVER DID TO YOU" UGH THAT PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH, TOO.
YEAH OKAY ILU FOREVER. I REALLY NEED TO WRITE MORE ACHILLES/PATROCLUS NOW.
Reply
i am actually watching random scenes from alexander now to calm down, because oliver stone makes me so happy, oh old men saying that the love between men is pure and wondrous and you can't love women that way and oh yes achilles and his ~lover patroclus. also "if i'm patroclus... i die first" asdhjgh *slain*
but seriously, brad pitt moves like a work of art. and i LOVED how ambiguous his invincibility was. for the sake of percy jackson and, like, my brain, i like to believe that he really was dipped in the styx, because it's such a cool thought - like, being primed from birth to be a great warrior, literally.
and i seriously could care less that patroclus is supposed to be older, not when he looks ~so adorable~ and the contrast of achilles being like *nuzzlenuzzle* don't fight today bb and hector being like *wibble face, okay, go fight to your death* to paris but oh my god that moment of paris clinging to his feet i just. wow. brain. blown.
MAN, i wish briseis could have been awesome!!! she had such great potential, two, but then the second it became sexual it just, no, NO NO NO NO NO. like, either make achilles a nice guy or make him the historical rape o'clock jackass that he was, but do not combine the two. OH, SERIOUSLY, WOULD HAVE GIVEN A LOT FOR HER AND PATROCLUS TO BE ALL COOL W EACH OTHER!!! ugh there just wasn't enough patroclus, like, it was like they were terrified of the gay but then, that was how it went, so they had to do it, but it was like pulling teeth for them and idk there were like two or three amazing scenes but you really didn't get the sense that patroclus was achilles's other half, and that everyone fucking understood that so they kind of ended up inadventently making it GAYER.
HECTOR, MARRY ME. i actually really loved the trojans, it was really just the greeks who were fucking cuntholes the whole time.
sorry, my mouth is foul. they were fighting for all the wrong reasons, and the trojans were fighting for the right ones, and the minute it went downhill was when priam stopped listening to hector. teh end.
Reply
fff I love that quote about manlove from Alexander. Passionately.
And yeah, I liked how they didn't show any blatantly ~magical~ things but didn't entirely rule out the possibilities. :D (okay, except for Thetis looking pretty human, but we're going to ignore that because she provided the awesome necklace.)
LACK OF PATROCLUS MAKES ME ANGST HARDCORE TO THIS DAY
And oh no, I completely agree, the Greeks were the cunts here, but they made an EFFORT to make the Trojans look incompetent in the movie. "WHAT IS A STRATEGY, WE HAVE BIRD SIGNS LOL."
Reply
i love SO MANY quotes from alexander, like. god. everything aristotle says, and everything wee!alexander says, and the ENTIRE balcony scene - because it isn't just their ~love~ it's alexander's vision and how hephaistion is this balance between him and the world but he is always alexander's advisor and confidant, like. there's something so human about them. siiiiigh.
well, i mean. gods/nymphs can look however they want and she probably wants to be motherly around achilles, idk. i was unimpressed by thetis, and that whole scene in general. it could have been done so much better. and i'm pretty sure that achilles was like WHATEVER, ANOTHER NECKLACE *gives to patroclus* here, take this, dnw. and patroclus was like *eyeroll* you shouldn't give this shit away, and achilles was like WHAT. EVER are you going to wear it or not??? and patroclus was like *slow smile* well, of course. achilles: good. fine. so wear it. patroclus: i will. achilles: okay! patroclus: fine! ETC ETC and then it becomes OBJECT OF GREAT ANGST!!!!
LOL TROJANS i do like how there was a good balance between strategy and lol bird signs, and you could see priam slowly slipping into the latter, and then it's a perfect setup for OH LOOK AT THIS WOODEN HORSE, LOL LET'S TAKE IT INSIDE! and paris is like uh. guys. how about. NOT. and no one listens to him because ~silly paris~ except he's grown up ~~so much after hector's death ajhgjfhgfhg brb loving hector.
seriously though, lol, WTF PARIS IT'S A GIFT TO THE GODS :|
Reply
BRB FAPPING VIGOROUSLY TO THAT AVATAR.
Reply
and i'm writing some crazy zeus/ganymede or something. idek.
Reply
And yay, Zeus/Ganymede! <3
Reply
Reply
...
yeah, the entire time he was hunting for her? he just wanted the gd necklace back.
Reply
I AM EMBRACING THIS WHOLE-HEARTEDLY. IT IS NOW CANON IN MY BRAIN.
Reply
Leave a comment