(no subject)
dammit im so sick of shit not working. i really thought that seeing him this weekend would solve our problems. i mean we were so excited to see each other to be in each others arms again and what happens????? it doesn't happen. shitis always getting in our way. so why do i even bother getting my hopes up. i mean he keeps telling me that i shouldn't worry about it cause once i go to college my rents wont be there to fuk everything up. but it still hurts when im looking so forward to something and it doesn't happen. i feel like crying. but i really don't want to. my fathers here. i feel like him being here is like him mocking. i mean THEY get to be together and they have a more messed up relationship than me and david do.but NO thy get to be together and hug and kiss when they want. they mess it up by ruing aout some stpid bullshit. have no idea what they have they are so friggen ungrateful. i dunno WHY he's sleeping over. sigh..... prolly for some ass..... i can't write anymore.. im getting angry.
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i have all these feelings rushing around my had and my stomach hurts. this is making me sick. i just wanna be happy. wtf. it seems as if im not supposed to be happy. i just wanna be with him. and im scared that in 3 months shits not gonna change. i mean ya i'll be 18 but im scared that we will only have the summer and after that it'll be like high school all over again. i miss him so much adn this shit is ridiculous. i wish my parents would stop fuking with my life and relationship and focus on their own. cause God knows their realtionship needs more work.