oh life and it's boredom...time to crazy it up?
Ok, ok, so I'm bored. Not the kind of bored that going to dinner or out dancing can fix. The kin dof boredom that can only be fixed by drug addiction or reaking havok on my life as well as every life involved. I have to admit, I kind of see it now. I see what happens, why I go nuts. It's the boredom. Now that I have relationships with good men that don't do very much wrong and I eventually lose my shit and make everything horrible...I have to admit it isn't these innocent creatures fault...it is mine. DAMN IT I AM A SUCCUBUS...and that's not cool. Not terribly uncool...but not cool either. Basically, what I'm getting at, is that me and Joey are fine, just like me and Chris were...then...I get bored and I can't afford to drugs all of the time and I like go nuts and start fucking things up. I'm there. I know I need to gain control...but I don't recall how.
Gavin is back in town as well, and that's sort of a terrifying thing. Part of me is like...maybe I'd like to see him or talk to him? But the logical part of me knows that that would only bring about terrible things. I wouldn't really be happy when I saw him, and also, Joey would definitely want to fight him, and that would be horrible as well.
I do miss Justin as well, and I can't see him either. I need to stop being such good friends with my lovers, because once they aren't lovers anymore I miss the friendships. Justin I really can't see...because what would I say when he said he loved me still? I can't say I love him too, because the next step would be to lose Joey...and I really don't want that.
FUCK. I just need some drugs. I need them, I don't even want them, I need them. That's just no good. I need a night of glitter and glamour and spinning in a pretty dress while pretty boys faun all over me and I can just dance and pretend I don't care...where I can fade away into the music and the crowd...it's the best thing to do when you feel like this.
I do love Joey, and he really is all that I want...I just get bored sometimes. Not bored with him, but bored with my life. Where did all of the glamour go? today I need to get up and get dressed and be beautiful so that everywhere I go I can be amazing...then figure out something awesome to do.
Gavin is back in town as well, and that's sort of a terrifying thing. Part of me is like...maybe I'd like to see him or talk to him? But the logical part of me knows that that would only bring about terrible things. I wouldn't really be happy when I saw him, and also, Joey would definitely want to fight him, and that would be horrible as well.
I do miss Justin as well, and I can't see him either. I need to stop being such good friends with my lovers, because once they aren't lovers anymore I miss the friendships. Justin I really can't see...because what would I say when he said he loved me still? I can't say I love him too, because the next step would be to lose Joey...and I really don't want that.
FUCK. I just need some drugs. I need them, I don't even want them, I need them. That's just no good. I need a night of glitter and glamour and spinning in a pretty dress while pretty boys faun all over me and I can just dance and pretend I don't care...where I can fade away into the music and the crowd...it's the best thing to do when you feel like this.
I do love Joey, and he really is all that I want...I just get bored sometimes. Not bored with him, but bored with my life. Where did all of the glamour go? today I need to get up and get dressed and be beautiful so that everywhere I go I can be amazing...then figure out something awesome to do.