(no subject)
I feel like I've gotten less and less articulate over the past year and I'm not really sure why. I suppose it could be that I was just never very good at expressing my thoughts, but it seems like at some point I was. And now? Now I seem to just blubber on, using too many filler words and not making sense, unless you know me too well.
Maybe it's the fact that what I try to express now is so much harder to say. It's more complicated and much more personal. Last night I was trying to say something and it took five minutes to get out three words. I kept opening my mouth and only air came out. I could hear those words going through my head and I told myself just say it. But nothing.
It's funny because when I was thinking about it, I knew it would be so much easier to say in writing. I could write an email or say it over an instant messenger program... but what would that mean in the long run? If you take out the part about being in the same room and sharing something like that, then you're taking out the intimacy that comes from being able to confide in someone, to trust them, and to feel safe when you're with them.
We live in an age of computers and telephones. You can keep track of someone and know exactly what's going on in their lives by keeping track of their blog, like some of you are doing now. Just don't be surprised when you find that that is not quite as fulfilling as asking your friends in person how they are doing and what's going on in their lives.
And there you have it.
"One question: do you need... someone, or do you need me?
... Forget it, I don't really care."