(no subject)
My eyes are tired from crying. I have no idea how this happened, no one has ever said the words "It's over" to me before. The ends of things are so difficult. I've never before done enough damage to something for it to end indefinitely. What do I do from this point on? Do I wait until he speaks to me again? Do I forgive myself and forget that this ever happened? Do I try to figure out why I do the things I do? Should I live in the past and remember good times? Should I reconcile that I was never wrong? Should I smile? Should I sleep? Should I continue writing through the tears clouding my vision?
I have been continuously disappointing myself lately. The other day I skipped a concert I had been anticipating going to all day, only to go to my room and spend time with him. Would he have ever done the same for me? I have no idea. What I was feeling today with him was so intense. I made someone cry because my actions. That is just unacceptable. There were single beautiful tear droplets dripping off his cheek and yet he still found the goodness inside of him to wipe my tears away.
I shouldn't have let this happen again. I shouldn't have thought that it was okay to fuck with someone's feelings. I hate myself right now and I have no idea how that feeling is ever going to go away. I hurt someone and acted with no regard whatesoever for how they might react. Im sickened by my actions. He asked me to look at him, if I was going to break his heart I might as well look him in the eye while doing it.
Hopefully, I will eventually see this as a another lesson that I will be grateful to have learned..
I have such a addictive personality. Once I experience something a few times it is so difficult to see how my life will go on without it. But it does and it always will. Life goes on with or without me everyday. It's just the nature of life.
I have been continuously disappointing myself lately. The other day I skipped a concert I had been anticipating going to all day, only to go to my room and spend time with him. Would he have ever done the same for me? I have no idea. What I was feeling today with him was so intense. I made someone cry because my actions. That is just unacceptable. There were single beautiful tear droplets dripping off his cheek and yet he still found the goodness inside of him to wipe my tears away.
I shouldn't have let this happen again. I shouldn't have thought that it was okay to fuck with someone's feelings. I hate myself right now and I have no idea how that feeling is ever going to go away. I hurt someone and acted with no regard whatesoever for how they might react. Im sickened by my actions. He asked me to look at him, if I was going to break his heart I might as well look him in the eye while doing it.
Hopefully, I will eventually see this as a another lesson that I will be grateful to have learned..
I have such a addictive personality. Once I experience something a few times it is so difficult to see how my life will go on without it. But it does and it always will. Life goes on with or without me everyday. It's just the nature of life.