trying to see the better side to life
I guess im not doing to good in this thing called life. I have a 30 hour a week job, not really that many friends n e more, and my car is still sitting in the driveway. I mean it cant get n e more depressing. Just when i think i am on the up and up, i fall down again.
I started thinking bout my mom the other day. Just wondering how she is doing and whether she misses me or not. Idk my brother seems to think that she is perfectly okay about not seeing me. idk. I just figure it is best for me if i want to grow at all that i just detach her completely. I got rid of everything that she ever gave me and i erased her from my phonebook. I have a hard time with the fact that she had no problem pushing me back into the streets and i think that, that is why i dont want her in my life n e more. All growing up i have had to go through so much with her and be there for her. She says that her job as a mother is finished. I always thought that a mothers job is never finished until your 6 feet under ground. but thats just me.
Im so glad that i dont have the burden of having kids. i think that if i was to take on the parenting role i would go insane. I want to pull my hair out now with my stepsister. sometimes i just dont know where parents get the patience or understanding from but damn i give some parents a lot of credit.
I have a friend and her name is angelina. She just recently had a baby. I can say that dylon is the only baby that i love to death, and would do anything for him. i just hope that she knows what she is doing.
I Have a really hard time now that i am older, that ppl younger than me dont know what i think they should know. for instance my youngest stepsister is what i would call an idiot for her age. she is 7 goin on 8 and she really doesnt know that much, when i comes to doing things for herself. and i am not talking about the big things like bills or money or anything adult, but like how to keep her cloths on or where to find her cloths, how to tie her shoes, how long it should take in the bathroom. I mean this kid drives me nuts cause she really has free rain in the house. stays up to all hours of the night and watches nuthing but disney channel.
like when i was growing up i had certain rules that i would follow. maybe i didnt follow them all the time but the rules were still in place and my parents keep on me about certain things. How is this girl suposed to learn anything if the parent is always doing it for her.
I do get to have one fun day out of the week, every thursday i get to go to the Ocean state Auction. And what that is, is for an hour a day i get to drive around in nice new cars and get paid for an hours work.
: Poniac g6
: Mustang 2005
: Poniac grand prix 2006
: brand knew benz
: Mazda 626 sport. very nice inside. and the bose system. oh yea.
: Land Rovers 2006
, but i have my share of bad cars too. its not all good, but it usually is.
Its not that i dont like my job, its just that i dont get to work with anyone. I do overnight shifts and well thats like a grave yard shift in this town. All i do all night is clean, clean, and for a little change of pace, i clean somemore. but i definitly like this job better than green and associates. i didnt really see the point of going door to door asking ppl for money when everyone regected the guy who was training me. So the second day on the job i left. But the thing was i didnt have my car and i was stuck in portsmith. funny at the time i was dating someone near there and he couldnt even come and get me, but after all day walking to try to find transportaion he waited with me at the bus stop. how fucking nice.
Let me just post something bout this guy that i was with b4 christmas hit. His name was josh, funny thats mine. and i thought that we really hit it off whatever. but it was always me taking my car with no gas to go see him. now its not like a walk in the park. I had to drive at least an hour to go see him. And when i did see him things were really good. We had good laughs and some good times. but then when my car died and he just got his. well lets just say he didnt want to come and see me i guess. but when i told him that i had a christmas gift for him, guess what. he made sure that he had enough gas to get him here to get his gift. now he said that he got something for me. i havent seen it, and i never will. But thats okay because the gift that i gave him was one of the things that i was getting rid of that was my mothers. so i didnt really waist any money on him.
So here i sit single and depressed. seems like that is the story of my life. But i try to keep going getting more and more discouraged with each day. but when all is said and done and i finally do, do something with myself i will be happy. When i get my own place and when i get my car fixed, have some money put away and a stable relationship. and possably some knew friends, cause i just seems to me that my friends of some many years are just drifting away from me.
Im just scared that i am going to be old, with no hair, missing teeth, a really bad smell coming from my armpits, and hating everyone. I love ppl and i get along with ppl very easily, but when they piss me off, forget it. it is really hard to go back to the way things were.
I started thinking bout my mom the other day. Just wondering how she is doing and whether she misses me or not. Idk my brother seems to think that she is perfectly okay about not seeing me. idk. I just figure it is best for me if i want to grow at all that i just detach her completely. I got rid of everything that she ever gave me and i erased her from my phonebook. I have a hard time with the fact that she had no problem pushing me back into the streets and i think that, that is why i dont want her in my life n e more. All growing up i have had to go through so much with her and be there for her. She says that her job as a mother is finished. I always thought that a mothers job is never finished until your 6 feet under ground. but thats just me.
Im so glad that i dont have the burden of having kids. i think that if i was to take on the parenting role i would go insane. I want to pull my hair out now with my stepsister. sometimes i just dont know where parents get the patience or understanding from but damn i give some parents a lot of credit.
I have a friend and her name is angelina. She just recently had a baby. I can say that dylon is the only baby that i love to death, and would do anything for him. i just hope that she knows what she is doing.
I Have a really hard time now that i am older, that ppl younger than me dont know what i think they should know. for instance my youngest stepsister is what i would call an idiot for her age. she is 7 goin on 8 and she really doesnt know that much, when i comes to doing things for herself. and i am not talking about the big things like bills or money or anything adult, but like how to keep her cloths on or where to find her cloths, how to tie her shoes, how long it should take in the bathroom. I mean this kid drives me nuts cause she really has free rain in the house. stays up to all hours of the night and watches nuthing but disney channel.
like when i was growing up i had certain rules that i would follow. maybe i didnt follow them all the time but the rules were still in place and my parents keep on me about certain things. How is this girl suposed to learn anything if the parent is always doing it for her.
I do get to have one fun day out of the week, every thursday i get to go to the Ocean state Auction. And what that is, is for an hour a day i get to drive around in nice new cars and get paid for an hours work.
: Poniac g6
: Mustang 2005
: Poniac grand prix 2006
: brand knew benz
: Mazda 626 sport. very nice inside. and the bose system. oh yea.
: Land Rovers 2006
, but i have my share of bad cars too. its not all good, but it usually is.
Its not that i dont like my job, its just that i dont get to work with anyone. I do overnight shifts and well thats like a grave yard shift in this town. All i do all night is clean, clean, and for a little change of pace, i clean somemore. but i definitly like this job better than green and associates. i didnt really see the point of going door to door asking ppl for money when everyone regected the guy who was training me. So the second day on the job i left. But the thing was i didnt have my car and i was stuck in portsmith. funny at the time i was dating someone near there and he couldnt even come and get me, but after all day walking to try to find transportaion he waited with me at the bus stop. how fucking nice.
Let me just post something bout this guy that i was with b4 christmas hit. His name was josh, funny thats mine. and i thought that we really hit it off whatever. but it was always me taking my car with no gas to go see him. now its not like a walk in the park. I had to drive at least an hour to go see him. And when i did see him things were really good. We had good laughs and some good times. but then when my car died and he just got his. well lets just say he didnt want to come and see me i guess. but when i told him that i had a christmas gift for him, guess what. he made sure that he had enough gas to get him here to get his gift. now he said that he got something for me. i havent seen it, and i never will. But thats okay because the gift that i gave him was one of the things that i was getting rid of that was my mothers. so i didnt really waist any money on him.
So here i sit single and depressed. seems like that is the story of my life. But i try to keep going getting more and more discouraged with each day. but when all is said and done and i finally do, do something with myself i will be happy. When i get my own place and when i get my car fixed, have some money put away and a stable relationship. and possably some knew friends, cause i just seems to me that my friends of some many years are just drifting away from me.
Im just scared that i am going to be old, with no hair, missing teeth, a really bad smell coming from my armpits, and hating everyone. I love ppl and i get along with ppl very easily, but when they piss me off, forget it. it is really hard to go back to the way things were.